drowning

Don't know if this is the right forum, but I'll go ahead:

I am a single mom to three. All three have been seeing a most wonderful therapist, very skilled and experienced. Almost three months ago she terminated treatment with all three of them. Since then, one of the kids, who was especially responsive to treatment and who came home calm after each session, is now out of control. He no longer has the containment therapy used to provide for him. He is enraged and whatnot.....
I am feeling so helpless here, not having the skills it takes to keep order in the house. I used to have weekly parent-guidance sessions with her.
I feel soooooo overwhelmed without her support. Y'know, being a single mother with three kids, and seeing her weekly and talking about the kids, it was a tremendous support for me. Now, the rug has been pulled from under my feet, and I am not functioning.
I have looked into other therapists, but have not been successful. I was highly displeased with one therapist's inexperience, another one said she has no slots available, another one said she has a closed practice, etc.
I feel so helpless, I have no support in two aspects: I no longer have the parent-guidance sessions. I no longer have my kids in therapy, so they are acting out a lot more. Them not having their support in therapy makes life so much more difficult for me.
I stay in bed a lot, i eat little, no appetite,I have cut myself off from my dearest friend, I am sad, angry at the loss of support, and frustrated at my inability to find replacement treatment. At this point I have given up my search. I stay in bed, I have quit work, I have chosen a death-in-life existence.
Don't wag your fingers at me.
Thank you for allowing me to express myself here.

no one will wag their fingers at you. we've all experienced periods in our lives where we felt we had no place to turn and felt as you do.

can you re-open your relationship with your closest friend? you really, really need some IRL support right now. even if you have to call the friend and really open up and carry your share of the blame, it would be worth it to have someone in your life now.

i am so sorry that you're having so much trouble with the children and i am sorry that they are feeling as they are. do you have family anywhere near you that might be able to help you with the children?

keep posting. people here are supportive and the more you post,
the more support you will get.

hang in there, we're here.

xoxoxo pat

((withit)) I'm sorry you are going thru such rough patch. If you don't mind me asking, how old r your kids? What about family that cna help you until you cna find a new therapist? Why did your t terminate the therapy?
I think you are going to see here ppl that goes thru the same things, and what I find is that I can actually feel related and the heaviness soem days is lighter.
Hang in there, PM me anytime.
Hugs~

Thank you all for your kind words.
It is so hard for me to connect with my friend because her kids are seeing the same therapist and she continues to see them. She only terminated my kids! And when I connect with my friend my anger/rage/hurt is triggered, it so overwhelms me that I have cut off from her as a way to cope with the oerwhelming feelings.
I don't know that there is a way I can connect with her without having these intense emotions well up.
Now when I think of her I feel numb, underwater, a barrier bet. me and her.
help.

Why did your therapist terminate the sessions??? Could you not talk to her about it??? Maybe she can refer you to someone trustworthy? Are you on any meds?

I hope you get some support... it sounds like you are battling a lot...

((((((( withit )))))

I have talked to T about it but she is adamant about her decision and will not change it. She has not been able to refer me, except to someone who is at least a 30-minute commute away and takes only cash payments of $150 per session!
Meds do not rid the psyche of normal developmental emotions, so meds are not an option I am considering. Meds do not replace the need for support.

((((((( withit ))))))))

I know support is very important, but taking some anti depressants might help, I have been where you are on the whole medication thing, fighting against it everytime, but I finally gave in (more being force-fed) and I must say that I do feel like I can handle bigger things. BTW, I wasn't talking about meds for your children, but for you... I don't think kids should take it if there is another way...

Have you asked your GP if he maybe knows someone? That's how I came across my T, my doctor referred me to someone he thought would suit me...

Maybe you can locate a parenting class or anger management class or a depression management class. in each of those types of classes skills needed for parenting and support are taught and they are found nation wide here in the USA some put on by mental health agencies, some by planned parenthood and some by domestic violence. Parents Without Partners is also nationwide and they do have peer parents that sometimes goes to the cients homes to help out. There are also agencies like head start and elementary school peer groups for both parents and children. Contacting your local schools and any colleges will get you in touch with this as will domestic violence agencies, crisis centers and hot lines. Even childrens elementary, jr high and high school psychiatrist, guidance counselors and nurses can give this kind of information to anyone for relatively close organizations and help on a siding scale or fee option. Local Churches are also known for being great advocates for struggling parents and people with mental problems such as depression and so on.

Another option is to start your own support group and net work. Its very easy to do. All I did was tok plain white paper and wrote up what my groups focus was going to me and my phone number. then I hung and distributed those papers through out the town at local businesses and so on. By the time I returned home I had lots of phone calls from people interested in joining my group. A person does not need any special training to open a support group on any topic. Therapy based group yes but support group no experience is needed. Just the need to reach out to others and have others reach out to you.

Hang in there.

That is a great idea myself... you can swop and share with aother parents who find themself in similar situations.

Have you looked at parenting classes online or read any good books?

http://www.parentingonline.org/

http://www.k-state.edu/wwparent/courses/rd/index.htm

HI Withit,

I'm so sorry you are going through such a rough time. Why would a T drop the sessions, especially wheh they are helping your children so much. At least, the T should refer you to someone else, instead of leaving you dangling like that.
Is there any relatives who live close enough to help out at all? I'm sure it's overwhelming at times.
Please, reconsider the antidepressants. I would be a basket case without them. I have tried to go without them and when I do, I start diving in a deep whole and it takes alot to get back out and only when I start the antidepressants back. So, reconsider, please.
I wish you and your children the best of luck.
Linda

I hope that things get better for you soon. I don't know much about your kids so it's hard for me to give you some advice on what to do with them. I really hope the best for you though!! Hang in there! Things will get better!