[sukothefox]

I don't understand why my mom insists I am "shy". Yeah, I am an introvert, and prefer lonely places, and I am selective with regards to friends and people I meet. She interprets this as shyness, and well, I feel like she doesn't appreciate me enough. I know I am an adult, and that it shouldn't matter, but I don't get why she doesn't see the good in me, the good that is being curious, intense, sincere, and caring. I have my defects, like being aggressive or absent-minded, but I wish she would comment more on my virtues on reunions instead of pointing out that the reason I don't go amd dance is because I am shy.
I was a loner before, more out of laziness than anything else, and she insisted on me making friends. I told her I already had friends at school, and asked her why does she insist on me being like everybody else. She answered that she just wants me to hang out more and that was it.
I did it, and guess what? Now she constantly implies I am "unfulfilled" because I don't party a lot.
I honestly don't know what to do, since I explained to her several times, politely, what an introvert is and how we prefer a small group of friends over large ones. She always answers with "yeah, I know we are all different", as if to try to fool me into thinking she accepts me and I do what she says.
I don't drink, smoke, and dance, amd it's frustrating to see others telling me I should and to constantly get funny looks because I don't. My mother always tells me I need to both read and study and socialize, but I don't see other moms making bad comments of how their children don't read at all or seldom study. Of course, they are adjusted, and being more complete only applies if you read and study but don't socialize that much. yeah, I see the double standard here, which exists in society in general.
She always says how I have a hard time with "people your age", but not with adults. And that is only partially true, because as stated above, I do have friends and can interact with others my age, but many are very indolent, intolerant, judgemental, and don't understand my intense emotions. I want to be with people I don,t freak out.
Adults are more understanding because of their experience, generally that is.
She often makes the comment about how I should change my expression, because "it looks intense, and it will put people off". As if I didn't notice that before, and as if I cared what they think... The only thing that hurts my feelings is how she, SHE of all people, makes comments about it.
I just wish I got more appreciation for my own merits, instead of being compared to others, and being set to a stupid double standard in which it is adjusted to be a socialite and never be an avid reader, but being an avid reader and an introvert is maladjusted and in need of improvement.
She also says that in "real life", there are different types of people and that I need to learn how to deal with them. First of all, she hasn't seen how I treat my professors, and other faculty members. She thinks I treat them how I do my family. I know when and where to behave how I truly wish. Second, I am going to be a college professor and researchers, and my peers will be into research and reading, so that's with whom I should associate, and that's what I should prepare for. Not to dance and "have fun". Having fun, for me, is reading and having discussions about different topics, having a cup of coffee or tea, and at most going to the movies or conventions. If others have a different concept of fun, that's awesome! But I wish my concept of fun got the respect it deserves.

[maruf]

Thats what my parents keep telling me everyday. They judge me with setting others as the standard. And getting bothered again and again, now I just ignore what they say. I just can't change myself, and I don't want to.

[StarStrike]

Don't worry... You aren't the only one dealing with parents who cannot understand an introvert. My family is the same way. I get into trouble for not making enough conversation with people which makes me highly irritable or it effects my depression giving me episodes where I feel like I'm a danger to myself.

My point is, you are not alone with these struggles. And other people know how it feels. But sadly, it's a part of life. It would be better if it wasn't though.

I know how you feel! My mom and dad seriously hate seeing me anti-social (I'm not really, but one might guess that) and not talkative. The thing is, we introverts like to be alone and gather our thoughts for ourselves. I personally don't think being "shy" is a bad thing, it just comes to show that sometimes one person doesn't want to jump around people 24/7. Being introverted doesn't add to my depression, but I still accept it in my life. When one is to him or herself, they can think clearly or let their thoughts drift with the wind, you know?

Nice to meet you! From a fellow Introvert, there's no shame! ^_^

: "Change the Way You Look at Introverts"

[shezbut]

((((sukothefox))))

I don't know why some parents try to push their children certain ways, despite what their children say in protest. Perhaps parents like these are stuck in a pattern of trying to correct mistakes that they made when they were children, and just can't seem to "snap out of it"?

Regardless of the reasoning, it is still painful I am sure. You do deserve to be treated much better by someone that loves you. I hope that you are some day able to see your mom snap out of this pattern that she's currently in!

Take care

[Hellion]

People have told me I seem shy before, but I don't think that is really it. I am actually pretty open about things once I get into talking to someone. Its hard for me to initiate social interaction and I am terrible at eye contact...which throws some people off I suppose. But yeah its not necessarily a fear to talk to people its more like an inability to initiate conversation which probably makes no sense to most people.

Now there is some fear involved as in the past especially while going to school as a kid I got picked on and such a lot so I always worry that people wont accept me and might even take it further...that is usaully always in the back of my mind. But that just developed from how I got treated by people, its not the initial cause of my social interaction difficulties.

[cool09]

That's what my Mom thought when I was an adolescent. In actuality, my mood disorder had started and I now feel that I also had a dissociative disorder: I was not connected to myself, I did not feel that I was there, I did not feel anything and had tremendous trouble putting my thoughts together and talking. I first felt connected to myself at 32 when I had a good response to paxil. I can't believe that my parents never picked up on all of this. Psychiatrists never picked up on it, either which pisses me off.

[eskielover]

There are a couple of mother issues I might think of....
1) Mother wants you to be what she wasn't & wants to live her life through yours.

2) Just the opposite....Mother wants you to be just exactly LIKE her & doesn't think that anything less is worthwhile or even right.

It's hard to be a mom because we do want the best for our kids.....BUT THAT'S NOT the way to do it......some mom's got the wrong instruction manuel when they had their child.......it's important to be there & to help guide them along the path THEY are on....not the path that Mom thinks they should be on.

Don't know if any of you are only children (hmmmm interesting concept)....as I grew up an only child....I learned how to play games by myself....most of my growing up life I only had ME to entertain myself......some would call that introvert because what you live at home is bound to overflow into one's whole life outside of home. I got along at school, but my parents never had intellectual conversations & had no concept of how to have one & they had serious social anxiety problems of their own. Growing up in school all I truly remember is that education is your ticket our of where you are......boy did I want that ticket.

I am lucky that my parents never said anything like that to me....probably because they had no concept of being that way....however I do remember my grandmother was so caught up on looks....your eyebrows needed to be tweezed "just so".....geeze lady...get away from me with those things. I never bought into much of anything my parents said about anything & definitely NOT my grandmother. For some reason it always seemed like Old women came up with those STUPID statements of how people SHOULD be.......

Not sure where my self-confidence ever came from growing up in the family I did....but I learned very young to basically blow off anything parents & family ever said (unless it was an actual complement) because I never placed any value in their thoughts, ideas or what they said.

Think just blowing them off without trying to counter or argue or even try to get them to see where you are coming from is the best thing because some people are blind to any other concept than their own....so just go on knowing & doing what YOU ARE....& just basically IGNORE anything they have to say.....they go ahead & do your own thing & be who you really are.