Do you ask for people to judge you?

Or do people just say 'you asked for it' because they are trying to justify their nasty remarks. I've noticed more than once people try to say that sort of thing...so in which way does one ask for nasty remarks from others when they aren't provoking it?

Is this about a particular thread because that made me double take. Am I allowed to say that?

People come to the party with their own baggage. I think that is what you are seeing. I've had my share recently that's for sure. It's probably more challenge here because it is text form and it is a psych forum with people struggling. I've never noticed you do anything to provoke. For as long as we have been interacting anyway.

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Sort of(a thread kind of triggered it), but also in general...I've had people say stuff to excuse their hurtful behavior or other peoples. It does upset me quite a bit when people do that and then try and act like they where justified....or that I somehow brought it on myself. That is one excuse teachers loved to throw at me if I tried to get help from other kids being nasty ********* 'well if you'd just be more like everyone else' 'oh you're slow at deciding(among other things)how about I mock you in front of the class'

And I love when people accuse me of simply not trying or doing anything ever, when I freaking battle symptoms every day for one, am supposed to try and manage my stress level because I get too overwhelmed if I expose myself to too many stressors...and of course I go to therapy, I try and get excercise by going for walks at least a couple times a week or more if I can. Its happened more than once IRL on various sites...guess I should keep in mind I know I am getting help with my issues and doing what I can to cope and try and function a bit better and I also know my limits...someone random person who says crap doesn't have a clue about any of that so I guess I should try not to get so upset over it.

anyways I think I will go to bed soon and try to think of something less depressing.

One doesn't ask for nasty remarks, implies you deserve to be treated in a nasty manner.

Not much, on this planet, that cannot be resolved, with a little kind hearted compassion.

About knowing the difference between pent up resentment, personal stuff carried forward, trying to neatly compartmentalize others, with own prejudices. Prejudices being, well i know everything about everyone, so how i see you is truth, because you remind me(you plural, not singular) of that persons story i saw on such and such a TV show, or similar, ( to exemplify).

Honestly, when you asked this, I'm just analyzing my own, personal, real life, crap, that i can't begin to fathom.


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"'well if you'd just be more like everyone else' 'oh you're slow at deciding(among other things)how about I mock you in front of the class'"

I used to get that from my mother. Or... If people are telling you that they must be right. Well the truth is a hundred people could be telling you something and they could all be wrong. And who wants to be "just like everybody else" anyway! I don't know where you are with the stress (what's causing it, etc) but you can cognitively learn skills on how to be resilient to nasty comments. It means accepting control for your own actions only and relinquishing control of theirs. Allowing yourself to feel depressed or angry for more than a minute is giving them more power than they deserve. Resilience means letting it go ASAP and not allowing your emotions to get involved.

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I don't ask people to judge me. One aspect of where I am at is that I stutter. Its not all the time. It just seems to pop in and out. Then I see people look at me funny and I wonder what they are thinking.

My family judge me. I dont ask them to do it. They just do.

The person who judges me the most is me. The toxic me.

I've noticed my mere presence can set off a certain personality type. I can be nearly silent, yet they see me as a threat and they attack. Just personally, in those cases, those people thought I somehow would "out" them, so before that could happen they decided to "out" me on something, even if it was purely made up.

I don't ask for anything. Telling me I "asked for it" quickly will identify them as a bully.

Unfortunately I don't know if that is possible.....I mean I still feel rather upset about it. Certainly not as much as before but yeah cant deny that it bothers me. I don't think I have control of other peoples actions....but even so I still feel horrible when they have to go out of their way to be jerks....with having PTSD I think that makes it even harder to let stuff like that go, I also have no self esteem/confidence or whatever.

If there is a switch to turn off emotions at will it might be nice to find it...

You're certainly young enough not to give up I don't pretend to know the additional challenges you face but three things (off the top of my head) have been helpful to me regarding this topic: dbt (radical acceptance and dear man), Brenė brown (shame resilience) and the book "the four agreements". I don't know if they would help you. I just found them helpful for me.

You're in co, no? Are you close to Denver? I can pm you some info on a Brenė brown event if you want. It's a 90 minute video. Free. No strings. My t does these periodically. I noticed mention of a trauma yoga workshop in the email too. Know nothing about that.

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