[Zen888]

I am particularly hard on myself for past mistakes I have made. I call myself all sorts of dirty names in my head...basically beat myself up emotionally. I have learnt from my past mistakes and no longer engage in them...

How do you get beyond the memories of your past mistakes and forgive yourself...truly and honestly forgive yourself and move on with life?

well, you open up your head......take the tapes out.....put them in the driveway and back up over them and then go forward over them. repeat as many times as needed..........

except in my case, i go buy new tapes........

i guess that it is a process that we have to learn and re-learn. i do really well for awhile and then some little something will upset my apple cart and i immediately know that it's because i screwed up so much in the past and i start beating myself up about it............pat

[kimmydawn]

Pilatus,

I so understand this...

Part of moving on and forgiving myself was to call it as truthfully as I could...sometimes to say, "It wasn't my fault". Sometimes, though, I had to say, "Geez, I really screwed up. That was crappy of me." and own things as well.

What I find interesting looking back? It was much easier to own the ugly than to realize that it wasn't my fault. I wonder if that's because part of that is admitting the massive lack of power and control I had? I think so. That's a scary thought.

I haven't moved on with everything and wonder if we ever completely do. I have moved past alot, bringing alot with me. For me, it was about reframing what was there and incorporating into my life now as opposed to moving on...because what's "back there" helped to form who I am now...good, bad and ugly.

I hope this made some kind of sense and wish you more than well.

KD

[Boopers]

For me, I try and put all the negative in an imaginary box. I take that box and I bury it and tell myself that it's time to start over.
I try not to ever think about the things that are in that box again. It's buried and over with.
I try and concentrate on now and what I do now. It's much easier for me that way.
I'm wishing you luck in finding a way for you to be able to put things to rest that are in your past and move on.
Take care,
Linda

[January]

((((((((((((( Pilatus )))))))))))))))))

I honestly don't know how to do it, but I'm so sorry you're hurting and hope you find your way to peace soon.

Hugs,

Jan

[jacq10]

(((((pilatus))))))

forgiving yourself is unfortunatly one of the hardest things to do because you have to live with yourself and your mistakes. I honestly don't know the answers to this because i have a hard time with it myself ... but just try and stay focused on the positive qualities that you have, and try not to dwell on those negative aspects in your life.
But most importantly, be patient and kind to yourself
Jacq

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( Pilatus )))))))))))))))))

I don't really know the answer to this. I relate though and I wish you peace and healing

[Wants2Fly]

I struggle with this, too -- for decades! I am glad you started this thread so I could get some reminders about what other people do.

Sometimes, I write out what is going around in my head. It helps to get the dirty laundry on paper, for me. It seems to get the self-criticism out an endless spin cycle. Sometimes, I have to do this everyday and, when its especially bad, I am writing fool frequently during the day.

If I have an upsetting bout with a student, and I think I've done it all wrong, I even take time out from the workday to write out what happened, what I should own, what isn't my fault, and what can do about the part I own. Thanks for the reminder about ownership, KimmieDawn.

Talking with others as you are doing here to get other points of view also is helpful when the bad voices are nattering at me.

There is a book called Radical Acceptance that has a whole procedure to follow to deal with challenging situations.

Thanks again for starting this thread, and best wishes for self-forgiveness.