Forgiving oneself

It is very true that the greatest enemy of somebody is himself/herself when forgiving oneself.

It's hard to forget the mistakes, sins, or offenses you have done to yourself and other people; especially, if you know that justice is overwhelming while mercy is almost absent. You wish it hadn't happen but can no longer do anything to get the innocent past back.

Clear examples of this are...
*when you broke a school regulation and may be a candidate for suspension
*when you lied to a considered friend and cannot get forgiveness
*when you have said a careless and hurtful word that wounded somebody else and he/she didn't forgive you
*when you could have taken care of yourself before you got sick

Forgiving oneself requires peronal and social mercy but, sometimes, it isn't just present. This may result to hopelessness in life, unwillingness to change, difficulty in moving on, and even suicide.

Justice protects and correction improves but only mercy can forgive and change. It just so happens that in a modern idealistic society, ugly consequences become the emphasis instead of the true change that they may bring to somebody.

Hi piggysmile. It's also more difficult if someone is raised in a family where there are strict rules and poor reasons for them! Ppl then learn to "judge" themselves only by another's standards... without allowance for being human.

I like the fact that you brought both justice and mercy into your post, as they are opposites. God is just, but He is also merciful..

Hi Piggy,

Yes, I agree with Sky. Living with other people's rule systems doesn't leave us much room to be easy on ourselves.

It is possible to learn a whole new moral framework (as I did) and reject the old imposed order, but it is not easy, and takes half a lifetime. When we reject a discipline system that we know is wrong and cruel, then we lose the approval that we would have had from those people (for what it's worth).

I now live by a system of kindness to others, and I know right to my heart that this system is right. I never feel that I have to forgive myself for being kind to others.

Cheers, M

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
_Sky said:
God is just, but He is also merciful..

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Very true

... further thinking... the act of forgiving imo is usually one of the last steps we are able to take to healing... once others matters are thrashed out.. and we, being self assured, can then allow forgiveness.

I grew up in a home that was kinda, "Don't ask, don't tell". Because my cousin was raping me almost nightly for years, I pent up a lot of anger and resentment not only towards him but towards myself for letting it go on for so long. It's very hard to forgive myself for that. Plus what I put my body through when I was using dope everyday. My body will never be the same, and that hurts.