[January]

I had to make a WalMart run this morning. I had virtually nothing in the house to eat. I bent down to get something off a bottom shelf and couldn't get back up. My legs have been hurting terribly and swelling for the last two weeks and there I was stuck. I finally managed to stand by grasping the shelves and pulling myself up while praying the whole shelving unit didn't come tumbling on top of me. I toddled around and finished shopping and then rushed off to visit Mom in the hospital.

When I got there she was tired. She was demanding today. She wants to go home but she still can't walk or do anything for herself. The nurses had to come in an lift her up in bed.

I thought about having to stay and take care of her and I started feeling like I was smothering and the first thing I knew I was having a full panic attack. I went to talk to the nurse about Mom's condition and to let her know that I can't lift Mom. The entire time my family and Mom have been there, no one mentioned that I can't lift Mom. They told the nurses and Drs that I would stay with her, but they didn't tell them my health is not good.

I becamed so panicked trying to explain it that I felt like I was going to pass out at the nurse's feet. I am feeling quite overwhelmed right now.

Jan

[Boopers]

Oh Jan,

I'm so sorry. Wow, how scary that must have been in Wal Mart. I couldn't imagine.
I am so glad that you talked to the nurse about not being able to take care of Mom. You have to be in charge of your health first.
I know Mom must be very upset that she is in the hospital BUT she has to realize that your health isn't good either.
Or, does Mom know about your health issues? If not, she needs to know also.
I wish you all the best and hope that they can find a solution that works for everyone. Including YOU!!
Linda

[(JD)]

Good to hear that you were able to realize your own needs, and try to share that with the nurse. Not so good about the panic though. It amazes me how strong those feelings and thoughts are, when for those who don't have that reaction just can't understand. It seems like such a simple thing

I'm glad your mom is still in hospital and hope they can keep her until other arrangements are made for her, rather than you being responsible. That just doesn't work, no matter what family thinks.

TC

[lenjan]

((((((((((((Jan)))))))))))))) I'm such a walking disaster right now myself that I'm no good to anybody. For whatever little cyberhugs help, though, you can have as many as you want!

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((((Jan)))))))))))))))))))) Please make sure the hospital understands your limitations before your mom comes home with you. Somehow your mom needs to understand too. I am so sorry for the predicament you find yourself but you need to take care of you first.

How are you feeling tonight? I hope better. Please take care.

BB

[Hopefull]

I am glad that you are able to recognize your limits. It is better for your mom in the long run if you wait until you can care for her/someone can. Also, keep in mind that a home health aide or someone similar might could assist you with caring for her. My step-father was released from the hospital a while back and has someone come over to do physical therapy on at least a weekly bases. They also waited until he could get up with little help because my mom can't be expected to lift him up. I suspect that they will give you a chance to assist her some at the hospital to see if you can do it and to teach you how to care for her. Hopefully, they would also help you to find other sources of help. It is very hard for anyone to become a caregiver for another. Therefore it is important for the caregiver to get support for him/herself too. I hope you do that.
If you can't handle caring for your mom, assisted living which is not quite a nursing home might be an option. Otherwise, you could probably talk to the hospital's social worker. They will hopefully work with you to find a solution for you and her.
Good luck. I hope things work out for you.

[January]

(((((((((((((((((((( Friends ))))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you all for your comfort, hugs and suggestions. The Dr. said Mom should eventually be able to live on her own again. He said it will take time to get there though.

Tonight I am again going to reinforce that I can't lift her. I have to make sure things are perfectly clear about that.

Instead of rushing to the hospital this morning, I am going to take care of myself today. I'm going to my family Dr. to see what is wrong with my legs. I'm having to use a cane to get up out of my desk chair. Something is not right.

Thank you each and all for all your support and love. I do so greatly appreciate and need it.

Love and hugs,

Jan

jan you know my feelings on this, take care of yourself first and foremost, you are not the only family member involved here, its about time the others started pulling there weight and helping out instead of putting it all on your back

[silver_queen]

((((((((((((( Jan ))))))))))))))))

That sounds very scary for you. I'm sorry that all these bad things have been happening to you recently. Please try to keep positive and just keep going, and like Mellors says, assert yourself in your family and make them take part I hope the dr can give you an answer to your leg trouble, and that it isn't serious (((((((((( Jan )))))))).

[eskielover]

(((((((((((Jan)))))))))))))),

I haven't been here for a long time & when I came back & read your post about your mother, the situation I went through with my Mother came back into my mind full force.

My Mother wanted to come home so bad that she manulipulated the situation so that I wasn't able to be arrange for the care she needed & that was when the neighbor of my Mothers boyfriend pulled the fraud of supposedly being the home care RN (which she wasn't even an RN) to make everything go smoothly for my Mother to be able to come home to her own home.

Not saying that the fraud would occur in your situation, but it is important for you to make sure that both her Dr, the social worker, & your Mother knows exactly what care she is going to need after discharge & that needs to be known NOW & not at the time your mother is being discharged.

Know exactly what types of care your mother is going to need at home. If she is going to need RN care or if she is going to need just physical care which includes getting her to the bathroom, cleaning her up, moving her around. I know for me, there was no way I could physically take care of my Mother either for the medical care or to physically move her around. Like you, I wasn't physically well or strong enough to care for her. My Mother needed 24 hour care & there was no way that 1 person could provide that kind of care. Unfortunately, my Mother kept telling them that I was taking care of everything while I was continually telling her that I needed to be there when her Dr & the social worker talked to her about the care she was going to need. I continually put in requests at the nursing station to be called & make arrangements for me to be there when they talked to my Mother (since I lived over an hour away from the hospital).

It is important for your Mother to know if you aren't able to provide the care she needs & it is important for you not to be pressured by her just because she so badly wants to be at home rather than in a care facility. From what I have read in your post, you know your limits, but what is important is that you don't feel pressured by your Mother to "try" to do it anyway. There are times when the Dr's feel that the patient is ready to be discharged, but not ready to actually go home. There is transitional care facilities that are available to take care of the patient until they are strong enough to really go home & no matter how bad your Mother wants to be home, it is important to do the right thing & that isn't always what they want.

Please take care of yourself even if it makes your Mother unhappy.

Debbie

[Wants2Fly]

((((((((((((((January))))))))))))))))))

[catcoon]

<font color="purple">((((Jan))))
I know that you know how important it is to take care of yourself before attempting to do anything for your mom. Others here have hinted at and I will recommend that you check out a rehab facility. There she will have 24 hr care until she is strong enough to live on her own. She will get physical and occupational therapy to help strenghten her and enable her to learn how to function within her limitations, if she has any, and be able to do her own care. I know these things because I am a supervisor in a rehab facility and we help people do this all the time. The patient often makes the family feel guilty for not taking care of them at home, but it ends up being the best for all concerned. Medicare and private insurance often pay for 3 weeks without deductibles. You may want to check this out, okay?
Hope this helps you some! Please take care of you during this stressful time!

cat</font>

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((((((((( Jan )))))))))))))))))))))))))

Please, please take care of you in all this...as much as you possibly can.

Do you have an appointment with your doctors soon?

Love,

KD

[Sarah116]

Jan,
I hope you are alright or if not will be soon! Maybe you should try some PT for your legs and feet. With treatments and caring doctors and nurses I also hopeyour Mother gets to feel her best. This is quite possible you know. You sound stressed out, treat yourself to something special! Good luck and God bless!

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((((((((Jan)))))))))))))))))))) I am glad to hear that you are taking care of yourself. Please continue to do this.

Let them know all of your limitations in taking care of your mom. It won't do your nor her any good to have a problem once you get home.

I am thinking of you. Take care of you.

BB

[biiv]

((((((((((((((((((January)))))))))))))))))))))))))
please hang in there. my fingers are crossed that there is nothing seriously wrong with your legs and that you can get the appropriate support worked out for your mother without overburdening yourself.

[desirae]

That's very understandable...it is a overwhelming situation. I hope all eases tomorrow and the next day...be sure to breathe and relax, take a moment for yourself when needed. ((((Jan))))