[glok]

“All I ever wanted was to reach out and touch another human being not just with my hands but with my heart.”
― Tahereh Mafi, Shatter Me

Seniors in particular are more and more often encountering loneliness, isolation and related health problems. Theses articles tell the tale:

Epidemic of Loneliness
Isolation, Loneliness May Raise Death Risk for Elderly - US News

Are you lonely?

How Lonely Are You? Take Our Loneliness Test - AARP The Magazine

How does one ameliorate loneliness?

Senior Citizens Guide To How To Not Be Lonely, Lonely Seniors Guide

I know what isolation is. I likely will die alone.

[Travelinglady]

Thanks for the great list of articles, glok. Loneliness is certainly a concern for many elders as their friends and loved ones pass on.

Lonliness is a living hell to me. Since empty nest happened I can't seem to adjust.

[PoorPrincess]

Originally Posted by glok

Seniors in particular are more and more often encountering loneliness, isolation and related health problems. Theses articles tell the tale:

Epidemic of Loneliness
Isolation, Loneliness May Raise Death Risk for Elderly - US News

Are you lonely?

How Lonely Are You? Take Our Loneliness Test - AARP The Magazine

How does one ameliorate loneliness?

Senior Citizens Guide To How To Not Be Lonely, Lonely Seniors Guide

I know what isolation is. I likely will die alone.

Thank you, glok, for offering this for our discussion within our community here.
I also know isolation, profound loneliness --- and the usual suggestions to ameliorate it.

Unfortunately all of what I'd written/ drafted here just 'disappeared'. Princess will be back to reply after she herself is restored. Meanwhile, I hope that you have found some measure of meaningful connection here in the forums, as have I. Thanks for being here, glok.

[Ripose]

I know what isolation is. I likely will die alone.

You touched a very sensitive part of me with that statement.

I isolate myself from everyone including my wife, and everyone I know isolates themselves from me. My wife and myself both come from large families and none of them want anything to do with me. Not that I really care.

Sometimes Glok I think a person like yourself is one of the few that really understands what life is really like and when talking to others you tell the truth which 95% of people cannot handle. People like to run through life in ignorance so they don't have to think too much.

People cannot handle the truths that someone like you or myself present and they get scared and call us "freaks, strange, weird etc."

For what it's worth as long as I am around you will never die alone.

[possum220]

I find loneliness is an emotional cancer that comes with it's own sense of pain.

[brainhi]

Loneliness looks different as the years go by. When I was younger I felt lonely a lot. I learned to do things on my own - and now not so lonely. As I age and if I were to become unable to have a career or volunteer or if I was confined to my home because of illness and so on....I have not tackled what loneliness might look like then.

[avlady]

I am also lonely because of my mental illness and accidents. It is the worst pain anyone could go through. I have few friends and the ones i do have have a series of mental issues themselves. If it wasn't for my mother i would be dead from loneliness, although i do have a husband and son. it is hard for them to understand my illness but give their full support i feel like such a burden, but am on meds too to help the pain. i always pray for the lonely too.

[Slamjammer]

I don't know that I have ever experienced loneliness per se. I certainly enjoy being around people, but I don't "need" it. We live in an "over 55" golfing community and have a large group of friends that we interact with daily, but I like my quiet times as well.

It's very true that older people need the stimulus of social interaction in order to slow down the normal cognitive impairment of aging, as well as verbalization issues. Many older people who live alone have difficulty expressing themselves. They cannot seem to find the right words. Think of socialization as a form of exercise for the mind. It's one of those "use it or lose it" things.

Nonetheless, many of us still appreciate our quiet time :-)

[SeekerOfLife]

I am not of retirement age yet. I suffer from extreme lonliness. It is SO, SO painful. I go to work. I try to connect with others. Most days I go home feeling like a failure. No one seems to want or need me. I am just another cog in the wheels of life--so easily replaced.

[-jimi-]

I scored lower than normal on loneliness and those points I got came from not being understood. I like being alone.

[MoxieDoxie]

I am lonely sitting next to my husband. Loneliness is not just about physical proximity next to someone. For me it is about emotionally connecting with someone and feeling supported. I can physically be alone for days and not feel lonely as long as someone connects with me and shows empathetic carrying for my existence.

[glok]

Loneliness can be an existential void:

LONELINESS---Loneliness of Spirit: Deeper than the Reach of Love by James Leonard Park.

[sadp8r]

Thank You glok...You know for several years I volunteered and worked at a skilled nursing facility....I've gone through life feeling so.alone ...I was 10 when my Mom passed.n 14.when mg dad threw me out....girls always left me ,friends always left me for girls....now tho I still.fight loneliness...yet seeing couples n families when.I go out ....ok I get jealous...n it turns into depression...at skilled nursing facility I went in 10 hours a day to volunteer...I got along with.the residents n spent a lot.of time with.them....somehow we understood each other...when.other workers went home to family n friends n significant others I always came home alone....I bonded with so many of them that last.year when I painted the memorial stoned.for my friends there who.passed.the year.before.I felt so empty.and alone ....to.the point where once again I overdosed and ended up in ICU....before that was October 2nd 2002....had the same feeling....I know I'm rambling but a friend on PC told me about what You posted...and even tho I'm still kinda Young I feel.exactly the way the words express.it...THANK YOU.FOR SHARING AND MY.HEART.GOES OUT TO.ALL LONELY PEOPLE WHETHER ON PC OR.OFF....It's painful I know ....so I fight it ...somedays easier than others....tho a lot better than last year....Thanks

[glok]

Hello, sadp8r.

I wish you well.

[PoorPrincess]

Originally Posted by glok

Loneliness can be an existential void:

LONELINESS---Loneliness of Spirit: Deeper than the Reach of Love by James Leonard Park.

Excellent.

Thank you, glok, for this important link.

While the loneliness which I know to be existential loneliness remains something for which we must mine the depths, it is great this wealth of writing from James Leonard Park.

In reading, I can well imagine that many of us may feel less loneliness already thereby.

[eskielover]

For 33 years....I was lonely in my marriage....but until the last 13 years of that time.....I had my engineering career & I had all the people that I played racquettball with & my music performing......but in that I never had any close friends mostly acquaintances......& a H who I never did connect with & had issues with before we ever got married......I just didn't realize how bad it was until the end & until I finally left.

Go figure....I moved away....2100 miles to a place where I didn't know anyone......but in my aloneness on my own.....I have the most wonderful connection of friends.....& loneliness is NOT something that I feel.....but the one thing that does lurk in the back of my mind is that lonliness is greater with all the divorces that exist & the married couples who used to tolerate each other for the long haul are no longer doing that & we do end up alone & without being surrounded by a wonderful community of friends who take care (sometimes it's still NOT THE SAME as having a husband/wife right there with you)....but it's better than a bad marriage where they is only lonliness.

What I have also found is that I now have a relationship with God.....something that I had never found before......so in my life....I am never alone....God is always here surrounding me in my life & taking care of me.....so much better than my H ever was capable of doing. I have friends who mowed my field after I fractured my back.....I have friends who are looking out for me & if they don't see or hear from me for a little while.....they contact another friend who lives closer (I live on a farm out in the country alone with my 3 eskie dogs)......& my neighbors drive by all the time & check to see if I'm ok & will stop by to check if anything doesn't look right. I have never felt more cared about in my whole life than I do now.....& this is 9 years after my mother died & 7 years after I was smart enough to leave my H.

When I wasn't able to do my normal volunteer work at the horse park this spring, I got a text from the coordinator to see if I was ok & to let me know that they missed me....I never had anyone care about me like that when I live with my H.....not even my H.....but then I think he has some issues that are undiagnosed that make him incapable of connecting to anyone emotionally....he can do nice things...but there is NO connection......so I would rather be away from that & live by myself & have connection with people outside of my own home.

I saw my grandmother outlive everyone that she knew & she had alzhimer's for almost 15 of her last years she lived......even in the care facility where there were people around....I can't imagine what that lonely feeling is to be so inside your head that you can't remember anything or connect with much that is around you......I think that to me would be the ultimate loneliness.

There are times when I do wish that I might find someone in the future that I could really connect with & have the marriage that I always wanted to have with a man.....but if I don't, I am surrounded by people who care (as long as I don't outlive them).....but I am satisfied living alone as I have for the last 7 years...it's so much better than the 33 years before that being alone has become a blessing & not a curse because of the wonderful friends that God has placed in my life & the wonderful relationship I have with Him.

It's nice hearing everyone's stories about this... I used to never feel lonely growing up, although I spent the large majority of time by myself. I was happy with the world and felt connected to it, and enjoyed being alone to think and feel at peace. Luckily, I wasn't a person born lonely, and only wanted to talk to others occasionally. I only starting feeling lonely when I grew older and certain people started telling me what I think, feel, and know without listening my arguments. During those times, I felt horribly lonely. Now I'm recovering from that and haven't felt less alone in years. I could understand eskielover's thoughts on being alone, too. For me, being alone was really tough at first, and I thought I would always feel terrible alone. However, I gradually learned to be comfortable with myself again, and how "un-lonely" being alone could be. I could connect with the article posted by Glok on lonlieness of spirit. I think distancing myself from "myself" is what the loneliness was about. I wonder if the same goes for a lot of others.

You know, I sometimes wonder if there's a deeper spirit (or whatever it might be) that we are disconnected to when we blank out our real feelings.

[glok]

He who is unable to live in society, or who has no need because he is sufficient for himself, must be either a beast or a god. ~Aristotle

Gods and beasts do not get lonely.

[brainhi]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

I am lonely sitting next to my husband. Loneliness is not just about physical proximity next to someone. For me it is about emotionally connecting with someone and feeling supported. I can physically be alone for days and not feel lonely as long as someone connects with me and shows empathetic carrying for my existence.

[brainhi]

Depending on others to fill the hole is never smart by itself - yes, when that other person leaves, that hole is still there. IMO - you choose people to enhance your life as you enhance their life. Filling our own emptiness is very difficult but it can be done. And if you like pets and you can fit them in your lives - Awesome. I do not currently have a dog...but LOVE them!!!
They can make my heart sing.

[Alone & confused]

Hi Glok. Are you ok today? I have found that none of us are Truly alone....because even when we feel like the most loneliest person in the world, we're not "alone" in that either. And if all the lonely people could just find each other, I'm sure we could all relate to one another and make connections that would make us less lonely. I'm not trying to trivialize the despair that feeling alone can cause, but sometimes it helps me to know that there are, in fact, others who know how I feel and to reach out to them with genuine understanding and compassion. I wish NO ONE had to suffer the feeling of loneliness!

[Pikku Myy]

Kind of thinking... loneliness is safe

[waggiedog]

Thanks so much for your input everybody. You know, I have always been told that loneliness is one of the biggest killers, you know what? It IS the biggest killer. I try my best to keep an eye on folk who live alone, for one day it could be me. HUGS. XXXXXXXXXXXXX

[SeekerOfLife]

Lonliness may be "safe" but the pain is not worth it.