Making yourself do social stuff ...

so
i am going to a cocktail party this evening, birthday party for one of my very good friends. and i should want to go but going out feels like the last thing in the world i want to do, and i feel like a horrid horrid person because i should wanna be there but i so so dont

i can't get out of going cos it would be rude, and i am also taking my workmate who is relatively new to NZ from the US.

anyone have any good suggestions for changing your headspace ...? i feel like curling up in bed and just sleeping maybe after a few wines heh. not going and being superlysociallybutterfly-y.

I have tried to get excited planning my outfit and stuff n it didn't work very well. i have a little black tulip dress (strapless, comes in under bust, flares out and sort of tulip shapes in at the knee) and some quite high heels sorted out.

I need to get in party mood help

You know what has helped me? Giving myself permission to not have to put on a show when I'm socializing. Other people manage to go out and not be the life of the party, yet I used to put SO MUCH pressure on myself to stay 'on' the entire time. It's exhausting. So maybe you can go but be ok with the idea that if anyone tells you that you seem down, say "yeah, I'm feeling ok but just am not in a party mood". I think that most people would understand that.

But yeah, I know what you mean. I get 'peopled-out' more and more these days myself. I'm kinda drained by the end of the week, and need more personal space than I used to. You don't have to stay long - just go make an appearance, be a good friend, and then go home and curl up in your jammies.

You can give yourself permission to not go, or to go for just a little while and come back home. You might call and say you will stop in but can't stay, to fortify the decision.

Either way, I hope you have a good evening. TC

yes ... but i feel like i do have to made an effort as i'll be introducing my colleague to friends of mine she hasn't met yet ... plus the boys are so excited about putting on this party and the way they do things it will be done fabulously ... *sigh* maybe i just need a few mojitos and caipiroskas. i suppose that's the other way to deal with it heh.

i think i will store your advice though LMo, because it makes a lot of sense. and is much better than making an excuse about just not going somewhere.

Thank you Sky, I will try

What I always try to do is give myself a couple of "outs" when I'm feeling this way...whether it be an excuse after a couple of hours, or whatever...bottom line out would be that I don't have to go.

Alot of times I'll try to change my focus to something that I know I enjoy...make a game out of it. It could be anything from "how many ppl will know such and such on a topic (usually something not well known but interesting)" to "how many ppl smile at me". I know that's silly, but it gives me a sense of control in doing something I don't want to do and is making me anxious. It really passes the time and before long I'm in the mood.

Good luck, DSF!

Let us know!

Kd

So? how was it? did you go?

What I do if I realize I'm going to go to something, whether I like it or not :-) is let go of thinking about how much I don't want to go and look "forward" to the going and what I can "salvage." I think about the various people who are likely to be there, what I've been doing since I saw these people (what I can talk about) in your case, I'd be thinking how I could help the new American meet these people and have a good time, etc. In other words, I'd think of several things to "do"/think about besides not wanting to go. Just accepting that I don't want to go (and there's nothing wrong with that, it's not bad! You are allowed your feelings, whatever they are). If I couldn't get my mind turned around I'd give myself laser insight :-) and try to figure out just what is standing in my way, just why I didn't want to go -- what I was afraid of or who I was afraid of and why and what I could do to help myself in that "situation." Being a little "prepared" helps me, having a few things to say or even "warning" the person I'm with that I don't want to go and asking for their help! I would tell my companion what you told us, that you don't really want to go and feel you "should" because it's a good friend. I'm super honest :-) so would even tell my companion that I'm bringing her to help me :-) because I enjoy being with her more than I like being alone at the party. I'd make my companion feel as good as I could; that I'm going because I enjoy her company and want her to meet my friends, etc.

I haven't read any reply you've made yet so don't know you had a good time despite yourself (I hope :-)

all of these suggestonis were wonderful.

I hope you had a good time.. I know I hate doing the social thing.. I am so close to never leaving my house its horrible..
I hate going anywhere bymyself.

I hoep you had fun

How did it go? Better than you anticipated?

The suggestions are awesome. Thank you for your thoughts.

a) My workmate had fun, I think, she brought another friend of hers along and they were little social bunnies themselves so that was cool

b) A friend I haven't seen in months was there when we arrived and he's very chilled out and it was sooooo good to see him and it was someone i didn't need to make a big social effort with cos it's easy

c) I found a good excuse for not talking all the time in doing stuff like preparing the nibbles and doing the odd little clean up etc. the birthday boy was rather trashed so there was a good excuse to rescue the ciabatta from burning etc.

d) By this time i'd been fed a good many cocktails and was not a sober dsf by any means. The thing about cocktail parties is that there's always someone who likes to play bartender :> and they always want to try out their inventions.

i did make the 'i have to do work tomorrow' excuse but i got convinced to go out to an event anyway where some friends were dj-ing ... it was all in all pretty fun i guess. i got home round 3am so i must have had quite a bit of fun heh.

good grief, DSF...

*needs embarrassed face*

>turn on some upbeat music and dance around
>eat a good meal before
>do your hair and make up

forreal.