[The Grey Wolf]

So this is something that has been troubling me for awhile about 2 years ago my mom was in a car accident she was hurt pretty badly she broke her neck and at first they didn't think she was going to be able to walk again she has since made full recovery but I remember not being sad at all about it everyone else in my family was obviously. I remember seeing my sister break down and cry like a baby which is really weird for her considering she isn't emotional. I remember putting my hand on her shoulder trying to console her while I myself felt nothing I knew that I should've been upset but I wasn't. I went home later that night and watched a movie on TV and cried from the movie don't remember what it was. When my uncle died I didn't feel much of anything I remember being like that's sad for a minute and then going on about my day. I am very emotional I was crying earlier I cry all the time from movies or if I I read something that's going on in the world that upsets me. I cried when Mandela died I'm very empathetic but when something happens in my own life I don't seem to be able to emote. Why is this? Is there a name for this? I know I'm not a sociopath or anything like that I have strong emotions. Just wondering

[lovefromdover]

Nothing's wrong with you, you were in shock and released certain feelings while watching a movie later.

[The Grey Wolf]

No that's not it every time I watch the movie I cry I wasn't in shock or anything I mean what I'm saying is that I'm completely unemotional when something happens to someone one who is supposedly close to me but I can get very emotional when something happens in a book or movie that I see I mean there have been cases where family members have died and I haven't felt anything. I'm not even sure if I love my mother at all I have animosity built up towards her and I don't know why she hasn't done anything to me.

[Crazy Hitch]

We process events individually and ones response to an event can be very different from another's response to an event.

I'm not big on suggestions but is this a coping mechanism to shut things out so you don't feel emotional when something happens to a family member?

I sense some disconnect when I see the word animosity used when describing your feelings towards your mother. You've stated that she hasn't done anything (that you are consciously aware of) so it's left me wondering what other circumstances are going on that may contribute towards your feelings.

[The Grey Wolf]

I'm not sure of it being a coping mechanism or not I don't really get close to people easily I don't get close to family members I used to taking that I had Reactive attachment disorder but I read that is something for children. My mom I see in many ways as the embodiment of all that I think is wrong with the world. It seems harsh to say but its what I feel but she is like most members of my family they're all alike I'm the different one. It makes me think that there is something wrong with me. Despite the fact that I have other family members who do the same things but I don't have the same resentment. I don't feel close to my other family members either though. She also likes to try and hug me but I don't like being touched by anyone I get cold feeling and my body tenses up. It is possible that I have some type of repressed memory or emotion that causes it I've had repressed memories come back before. But I don't think she has ever done anythingto me. But the thing is that people who have caused me pain or wronged me I don't have any of the same animosity towards them. I do have some for my father they have started seeing each other again the only thing I think of is that I'm mad at her for creating me since I wish I was never born I don't know. I also seem to hold my mom to higher standards than anyone else not that those standards are high pretty simple things. I just don't know.

[hamster-bamster]

GW, it could be that you cannot emote when you are expected to. When you watch a movie on your own, nobody has expectations of you - nobody expects you to cry and nobody expects you NOT to cry. But when family emergencies happen, you know that you are expected to emote but simply cannot produce that emotion "on demand". You can only emote when you do so on your own terms and in privacy. You probably need privacy and some degree of seclusion to really express feelings. You are probably highly sensitive, too.

[The Grey Wolf]

Well I am extremely sensitive the slightest things bother me. I don't think that's it either though I do cry in front of people when emotional from movies or various other things. I am very private I prefer to be alone lots of the time.

[hamster-bamster]

So maybe you did not cry with family emergencies because there was no privacy available for you.

[The Grey Wolf]

I had privacy that day and I cried in front of everyone when my sisters dog died even though we weren't close and I can not help but blame my mom for that. As she is the one who always wanted her out of the house whereas I wanted her in then she got hit by car. I remember seeing my mom upset about it and thinking to myself this is your fault. I mean I know its not fair and not right but I can't help but think of these things.

[lovefromdover]

Originally Posted by The Grey Wolf

I'm not sure of it being a coping mechanism or not I don't really get close to people easily I don't get close to family members

Facts are facts.
This is your style.

Why do you think there's something wrong with you?

[The Grey Wolf]

I didn't feel anything when mom almost died and I don't feel close to well really anyone. I

[lovefromdover]

Maybe that's your personal style, or maybe there's something more you would like to write about and are not quite allright with writing about it just yet. I'm sure everybody here is willing to listen and wait till you feel comfortable enough to share.

[avlady]

Some people react differently, i think it doesn't mean you don't care, but like someone else said you are in shock at the time and when you were alone it hit you and you were able to cry privately. For the longest time i was not able to cry in my earlier years like 30 years ago, i'm 53 now, and all the deaths i went through i was never really able to cry except when my sister died by hanging herself, but that was the only person i ever cried for and i know too many people that have died and i still don't cry for them i sometimes wonder like you if i am ok because of the fact i don't cry, i basically am soo scared to die myself and maybe that is why i don't cry is because i cant handle the fact that i myself will die someday too. I am obsessed with death i think because i do know lots and lots of my friends have already passed on, i hate the fact that we don't know when our own time will come. I hope i didn't scare anyone but it is a big issue with me and i know when i do die i don't want people to be crying but i rather hope people will rejoice that i hopefully will be in a better place.

[twizzlerheaded]

It must be some defense mechanism. About five years ago a close family member whom has been in my life since birth passed away quite suddenly. We had a close connection and our relationship great. Anyway, there wasn't a moment during or after the funeral when I cried. The only reason I felt sad and briefly felt choked up was at the thought of other family members who were grieving. To date, I've never truly grieved. My theory is whenever something like this happens to me, my body goes into lockdown mode and completely blocks out the emotional attachment smothering it deep within me. This is why, I think, I suffer from random and varied depression spells. It's like I filled a balloon with air and over time I've been slowly releasing air or emotional pain. I don't know if there is a way to change this. I've tried making myself cry, looking at old pictures, etc. but to no avail. I guess we all deal with things differently.

I believe there are two factors to consider: societal conditioning and self-preservation.

Sad to say, it is still much more acceptable in the U.S.A. for a woman to show emotions in public than it is for a man. You said that you cry when watching some movies and that you cried when Nelson Mandela died. Do you believe that you express your emotions according to your environment?

Being empathic, you should also consider that you emotionally shut down to traumatic events in your life as an act of self-preservation. Some people consider this to be in a state of denial. Only you can determine if one or both or none of these factors is contributing to your non-emotional responses to personal traumatic events in your life.

I wish you the best.

[lovefromdover]

Originally Posted by kindness

shut down to traumatic events in your life as an act of self-preservation. Some people consider this to be in a state of denial. Only you can determine if one or both or none of these factors is contributing to your non-emotional responses to personal traumatic events in your life.

Funny. I see both shutdown and crying emotional responses. Still wondering why the second option is thought to be 'right' and first one 'wrong' (as in 'I ask what's wrong with me, because I wasn't crying' etc.)