[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Where do I begin? Don't really want to tell my life story here. I have a plethora of emotional and physical problems. Seems like over the past 2-3 months I began waking up every day with all kinds of aches and pains, especially in my neck. Why? I don't know. I am dizzy a lot, I feel like I am dying!

However most of my symptoms seem random and unexplainable. I went to a cardiologist, he had the good sense to not put me through tons of testing that would reveal nothing. So I have come to the conclusion that all or most of my symptoms are psychosomatic. But what do you do when you honestly feel like death and you don't know why??? It's very frustrating.

Sometimes I think if I could start an exercise program, very slowly, things could improve. It's scary though, I fear that I am too out of shape and might just collapse and that terrifies me. How do I get past that???

Emotionally I am a train wreck, made myself miserable for Christmas. Nothing seemed to go right. I do blame myself. My life is nothing like I would like it to be. That is a fairly profound thing to say. I do have horrible intrusive thoughts, the ideas just pop into my head of driving off a bridge or other insane thing that could be harmful. Luckily the thoughts do go away fairly quickly. It is very disturbing. This has been going on a long time. I guess I fear driving so much because I think I might impulsively drive off a bridge or have such an anxiety attack that I might pass out or cause an accident. It's no wonder I have such anxiety when driving!

I do think most of these symptoms are a direct result of my brain still being so wacky and recovering from a long term klonopin withdrawal. It's past 22 months off the crap, when is it ever going to end? I also wonder if coming here is making me worse by writing about all my issues and keeping them fresh in my mind. What a mess!

[shezbut]

Sorry that you're feeling so anxious and down.

It is a smart thing to do, ruling out the possible physical causes of your symptoms. Did you start off with a cardiologist with your symptoms, or did a GP recommend that you go to one? IMO, your symptoms of neck pain and dizziness would be more applicable to a neurologist if you're wanting to stick with seeing specialists.

Regarding your concern that PC may be bringing you down emotionally, I think that's another valid possibility. I have had a few times when I needed to simply stick to going into the lighter forums on PC for a bit. That worked very well for me. I also arranged my time on PC so that I would end my day simply in the Games forum. That felt much lighter to me. Perhaps you might want to give that a try?

Gentle hugs sent your way. Hope that you feel better very soon.

Hi there, I'm so sorry to hear about your predicament.

About the neck pain, I really don't have enough context to say what could be causing that ... I really feel you should get that checked out by a doc.

Now, coming to your exercise program: Yes, start very slowly, and work your way up as you feel ready for it. As for your fear of collapsing, I seriously doubt that. Don't be afraid to take that first step. This is really the wisest thing I could recommend to anyone on this planet. Exercise does absolute wonders for us. It saved my life. I cannot emphasize this enough. Let exercise form the foundation for your recovery.

In general, I think what's missing in your life is a sense of having control. When we feel like we don't have control over our lives, we can begin to feel overwhelmed and helpless and powerless.

Some ideas to help regain control:
- Exercise, good nutrition, 8 hours of sleep: This is the foundation ... good health.
- Better time management: Come up with lists of things you do that you shouldn't, and things you don't do that you should. Make time for the more important things and cut out the non-essentials. For example, less time for Facebook, more time for exercise and preparing healthful meals.
- Better organization of things at home: A filthy or cluttered home can be very depressing to live in. Throw out or donate things you don't need, organize things so they are easy to find.
- Decorate your home: Make your home an soothing and comfortable environment for yourself. Pot a plant, get a few candles, put up some art work on the walls, etc. This can make a huge difference. Make your home a place you want to come home to.
- Regularity in your daily routine: Establish a well-defined yet flexible routine, that will give you a sense of stability and predictability and control. Plan your sleep, your meals, and be consistent. A routine can really help restore normalcy in a life otherwise full of chaos or emptiness.
- Find a hobby or hobbies: Stay occupied. An idle mind is the devil's workshop. There are a million things to do in this world. Find a few that appeal to you and make each day count. Do something you find interesting, whether that's knitting or playing sports or learning to dance, whatever.

Hope this helps.

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by ForeverLonelyGirl

I do have horrible intrusive thoughts, the ideas just pop into my head of driving off a bridge or other insane thing that could be harmful. Luckily the thoughts do go away fairly quickly. It is very disturbing. This has been going on a long time.

[KristenRenee]

Hi. You sound a lot like me. I have those thoughts too about driving off a cliff or bridge. It's ok to have the thoughts but don't dwell on them. One thought leads to another and before you know it your overwhelmed with anxiety and fear. I have been journaling my thoughts now for about a month. It was suggested to me and is has really worked. It actually takes the situation that is so bad and puts it in perspective. Sometimes once you write it down, it doesn't have much power as you thought it did.

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by KristenRenee

Hi. You sound a lot like me. I have those thoughts too about driving off a cliff or bridge. It's ok to have the thoughts but don't dwell on them. One thought leads to another and before you know it your overwhelmed with anxiety and fear. I have been journaling my thoughts now for about a month. It was suggested to me and is has really worked. It actually takes the situation that is so bad and puts it in perspective. Sometimes once you write it down, it doesn't have much power as you thought it did.

Great post Kristen....

[KristenRenee]

Originally Posted by wolfgaze

Great post Kristen....

I really like that quote. I wrote it down so I can put it in my mental health tool box. Thanks!

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by KristenRenee

I really like that quote. I wrote it down so I can put it in my mental health tool box. Thanks!

Glad to hear that!

You might want to look into cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). In my opinion, CBT is very effective for the treatment of anxiety disorders, OCD, PTSD, and any situation that invokes negative, intrusive thoughts.

CBT, basically, consists of two parts: Gradual exposure to anxiety-provoking situations, and a focus on thoughts when in these situations.

I don't believe that CBT is an end-all therapy; it simply is a tool in the mental-health toolbox. Another tool, as mentioned by lilodian4ever, is exercise.

I hope this helps.

[Slamjammer]

Your neck pain may very well be caused by something simple...like the need for a new pillow. Also, what about your mattress? If it's old and saggy, it wil almost certainly cause problems. Basically your neck and spine should be supported in a straight position when you sleep, no matter which position you choose. If your pillow causes your neck to kink, you will have problems in the morning.

Next, take an honest look at your diet and exercise. You really need at least 30 min. Of excercise three times a week, or more. The exercise should increase you heart rate to a number that is equal to 200 minus your age. For general purposes, brisk walking is fine. If you can't do 30 minutes do 20, or 15 or whatever... Then gradually increase. You need to start somewhere.

Next, look at your diet. Get rid of the junk food. Get rid of sugar, flour, bread, grains. Focus on protein, non-starchy vegetables and a few fruits...like apples or melon. Avoid fruit juice.

Improving your diet, by itself, will make you feel better in a few days. Start adding the exercise and you'll be a new person by spring.

Good luck to you.

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Thanks so much for this lilodian4ever!

1- "About the neck pain, I really don't have enough context to say what could be causing that ... I really feel you should get that checked out by a doc."
I think that IS a sleep issue, I have a good mattress but the crazy way I sleep is not conducive to good therapeutic rest. I have not slept a whole night soundly for 22 MONTHS...I think my situation is telling from that, many articles warn about all the ills that can come about from lack of good sleep. Wish I could afford a really good mattress system, like a sleep number bed. I think a better pillow might help. But truly in the beginning, were we designed to sleep on a fancy mattress? No. On the ground? Who knows. Getting in such a predicament as mine brings about such thoughts! My neck does feel better today, so I will take that and be happy. Meanwhile, I am going to keep trying to figure out how to get better sleep. It is getting better than it was. And I do plan to find a better primary md, mine is not very good.

2- "Now, coming to your exercise program: Yes, start very slowly, and work your way up as you feel ready for it. As for your fear of collapsing, I seriously doubt that. Don't be afraid to take that first step. This is really the wisest thing I could recommend to anyone on this planet. Exercise does absolute wonders for us. It saved my life. I cannot emphasize this enough. Let exercise form the foundation for your recovery."

This is great advice. I could go to a "Y" with my insurance for free. They have a lot of good programs and there is one not too far from me. My whole problem is the fear that something will go wrong, I won't be able to do much and I will get sick. I have gotten sick after over doing it in a gym. An over zealous personal trainer. I think the fear is what's behind my reluctance. Not to mention that I feel awful until about 3 or 4 in the afternoon. I do strongly want to believe that exercise may be the key to changing my life. It is going to be really tough to take the first step!!!

3- "In general, I think what's missing in your life is a sense of having control. When we feel like we don't have control over our lives, we can begin to feel overwhelmed and helpless and powerless."

Right again, sadly. I have never felt like I had complete control but I have had WAY more in the past. I could go to work and make money. I could drive much better with the 'help' of klonopin. That is not just in the cards of course, the stuff is poison and toxic to my system. With my income, the high cost of living plus constant anxiety and worrying overtaking my whole life, I feel very powerless and fairly helpless. Can't see much hope in my financial future. No glimmer of hope that I might meet another mate to help support me, that's what we women were taught to look for in the future. And that is not what I would want a mate for! That would only be a bonus. I definitely felt overwhelmed during the holidays, that has eased up now.

4- "Some ideas to help regain control:- Exercise, good nutrition, 8 hours of sleep: This is the foundation ... good health.
- Better time management: Come up with lists of things you do that you shouldn't, and things you don't do that you should. Make time for the more important things and cut out the non-essentials. For example, less time for Facebook, more time for exercise and preparing healthful meals.
- Better organization of things at home: A filthy or cluttered home can be very depressing to live in. Throw out or donate things you don't need, organize things so they are easy to find.
- Decorate your home: Make your home an soothing and comfortable environment for yourself. Pot a plant, get a few candles, put up some art work on the walls, etc. This can make a huge difference. Make your home a place you want to come home to.
- Regularity in your daily routine: Establish a well-defined yet flexible routine, that will give you a sense of stability and predictability and control. Plan your sleep, your meals, and be consistent. A routine can really help restore normalcy in a life otherwise full of chaos or emptiness.
- Find a hobby or hobbies: Stay occupied. An idle mind is the devil's workshop. There are a million things to do in this world. Find a few that appeal to you and make each day count. Do something you find interesting, whether that's knitting or playing sports or learning to dance, whatever."

My house is not a mess, but could stand some improvement in clutter in certain areas, a dreaded 'junk' room that needs cleaning and definitely could be made to look nicer. I have let that area go. Lack of funds cited!

I try to make myself get up as early as I can and have some sort of routine. It is not in sync with the rest of the world, it's the best I can do considering my inability to go to sleep at night until 2-3am!
My one hobby the last year or so has been to learn how to really cook well which has wreaked havoc on my weight I think, but if I did not eat the good stuff, I would surely be eating the junk.

My diet definitely needs an over haul. Being a diabetic and celiac makes it all very challenging to say the least! I have to eat gluten free strictly. Trying to cook all gluten free is difficult but really that is what started me trying to eat better. I follow the food networks online and tv, I have learned a LOT!

FACEBOOK...have had many a bad day due to that, but if I do not go there, I have trouble keeping up with the grandchildren. My daughter in law posts everything, sometimes to my detriment. I only look at her page occasionally now, but Facebook has become a hobby. I reconnected somewhat with long lost cousins. However, I can get all wrapped up in the controversy. The very negative remarks on news stories, the haters. I've turned into quite a hater myself at times, which I HATE!!! I need to stop reading the nasty comments...but will I? I do try to not post comments myself. What is wrong with people anymore? Were all these mean spirited people out there before? I guess so. My mindset has definitely gone downhill. I see a story and immediately think something negative. That is not a good trend.

Well, I think I have rambled enough here. I agree with you whole heartedly lilodian4ever. Thanks so much again for well thought out reply. Time for me to get off my duff and get to work.

And thanks to all for your thoughtful replies...

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Originally Posted by kindness

You might want to look into cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). In my opinion, CBT is very effective for the treatment of anxiety disorders, OCD, PTSD, and any situation that invokes negative, intrusive thoughts.

CBT, basically, consists of two parts: Gradual exposure to anxiety-provoking situations, and a focus on thoughts when in these situations.

I don't believe that CBT is an end-all therapy; it simply is a tool in the mental-health toolbox. Another tool, as mentioned by lilodian4ever, is exercise.

I hope this helps.

I have had "DBT", an intense 9 month course that was very good. I was in the throes of such severe illness with depressions, symptoms of borderline personality and constant suicidal tendencies that it was hard to absorb it all. I have some memories of all that. I do have a little issue with taking the whole zen and yoga type aspects of it. I agree that it is good. It is not available to me any longer as it is very expensive and not covered by my insurance. Good job there insurance companies. It would be a "luxury" that you could not see clear to afford me. The mental health care system is quite a joke. I am going to have to figure out how to get better all on my own!!!

[avlady]

I sure do hope you feel better,after all those solutions, i exercise now for about a month now and it really works