seek help soon?

Hello everyone. I would like peoples opinions to see if I should seek help . I don't want to bore everyone with a giant wall of text so I plan on just summarizing with bullet points and also some of the stuff I am about to may seem scary or weird. Some of these things im about to post I frankly don't know what they are or why its happening. I am in my very early 20's

1. I usually don't want to sleep whether I am tired or not I usually stay up until 2 or 3AM and I get migraines almost every day whether I sleep well or not
2. I avoid situations where people will thank me or do something nice I avoid all social situations basically
3. It seems like I can't go anywhere alone
4. I hate talking to people and I don't like meeting new people either
5. I usually hate the light and its gotten so bad that all my windows are covered
6. There are a days when I don't want to sleep and I force myself to sleep and only sleep like an hour or two and feel great
7. I am always worried so much even about small things that I get a feeling in my stomach every day along. I even worry about coming up with excuses for things months away
8. I get flashes in my head and for the few seconds almost every day I get them it seems like I stare but I can't see or i'm not there. I can only see whats in my head. Some of these flashes are terrifying like me being killed in various horrible ways.
9. I start having a panic attack if I have to talk in front of lots of people, which has basically so far ruined my college life, I avoid classes where people talk. I feel like I will never succeed at anything honestly.
10. I have many days where I simply want to die and then during the day for short periods feel happy but then my own voice in my head tells me to die or that im trash or useless. At the end of the day that is how I feel anyway.
11. I have noticed that there seem to be a small group of people or things in my mind. On is a monster or hulk in a big cage, when I get angry I begin to see him in my mind and the more angry I get the more he rattles his cage and he gets out and causes mayhem. By then I am enraged or really angry and have a short fuse. The second one reminds me of the joker and he sometimes looks like me he sits in the shadows and laughs and I usually see him when I start feeling crazy, if I am alone I may begin laughing or grinning and making faces and talk random gibberish for short periods of time and then he goes away. Another one is me he sits alone staring at the floor in a basement in this place of mine in the dark. The more sad I am the more I see him.
12. Memory loss, I forget things quickly sometimes or I cant recall things that I know that I know. I struggle to remember various things daily sometimes its not so bad others really bad. Last year was so bad I would set something down and forget about it seconds later, it even got to the point to where I would forget peoples names and even my name or at times even how to speak.
13. I have short periods of intense interest in various things such as spiders, trains, sewing, video games art, history, biology, science. On average they last a week or less and afterwards it seems like I lose interest although I do retain some information.
14. Sometimes I just get the urge to buy things anything. Games, chargers ,tv's without thinking of the consequences of wasting all that money later.
15. I get extremely nervous and angry when people want to visit or call me. I never answer usually and I pretend im never there.
16. I have ceased communication with everyone at this point especially since I feel like people just want to use me and bother me because of what I know
17. My mind never stops talking, I always see people I am going to talk to in my head and my head rehearses for every situation, every outcome and I say what I just thought of. Sometimes I get so into it if I am alone I will whisper all these things or even talk like there's somebody there. I even bite my nails or my upper lip until they bleed very often especially when I think.
18. The last thing I can remember right now is that I have times when I get paranoid on the internet for absolutely no reason or I get the feeling like friends or the government or other people are looking for me.
19. I have noticed that a few times every year I go through an extreme depression and the earliest I remember is from 2011.

I'm sorry it turned into a giant wall of text after all. I have never talked about these things with anyone everyone here is the first to read this from me. If anyone has any opinions or ideas what could be wrong I would appreciate it. I guess now that I read all these things I think I possibly do need help. What do you guys think?

Hi ensconce,

I'm not a clinician, so I can't provide a diagnosis. That said, I think it's very courageous of you to, basically, pour your heart and soul out on this website.

Have you been feeling this way for a long time? Or has these feelings escalated in the last three or four months? Do you think the season (daylight, holidays) is a factor?

When I was in my early 20's I felt the same way; it was a transitional time for me. I had a ton of questions, but I didn't have any answers. Time answered most of my questions, but now I have new questions :-)

So, relax. Take a deep breath. Everything will be okay.

If I were you I would seek help soon. You're obviously very self-aware and organized in your thinking. When you look at your list as if it were written by someone else, what is your response? The answer to that should tell you whether or not to see a professional.

Hello Ensconce. Welcome to psych Central and thanks for posting. May I suggest you check to see if you have a history of mental illness in your family. It can be genetic. It may even skip a few generations. I'm adopted and did not know until just recently my birth mother had mental illness. It is the reason she had to give me and my siblings up for adoption. I have it and the one sister I grew up with does not. Do your research and go see a professional. I lived a long time without treatment and really suffered for it. You are your own best advocate. Take care of you and keep posting. Lots of support here.

Thanks for the reply guys. This all basically started towards the end of 2010. I started getting deeply depressed. Shortly after that I began to see gory images of people around me every time I would blink or close my eyes. This lasted until around the begining of 2012 which is when the "beings" in my head manifested themselves. I have been having a few highs and mostly downs since 2010 basically. Since the beginning of the year though I have started to get much worse. Some first and second degree relatives do have schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, paranoia and a few other things that I havent asked about . Sorry if I am a bit vague for some reason I feel paranoid about someone finding this online right now.

Ensconce, It's very important you seek medical help earlier rather than later if you feel you are getting worse as mental illness can get progressively worse w/o treatment. Are you currently being seen by a psychiatrist or therapist?