[WantToGrow]

...treatment for low self-esteem and depression?

I visit all the individual forums for these issues but only find more people like me, looking for help but not yet successfully helped. I'd like to chat with someone who has been there done that and come out the other side of therapy/medication etc. successfully! Someone who once was unhappy but now has better self-esteem, more positivity, happy with themselves. Anyone out there who has made the journey? I just need hope!

[lizardlady]

Hi WantToGrow. I hope I can help. I can't say I'm 100%, but am way better than I was before therapy and meds.

I can't say I'm "cured" of depression. I view it as a beast I've learned to keep in a cage with tools learned in therapy and meds. I'm still on meds and probably will be for life. I fought the idea of meds for life at first, but have come to appreciate the life I have with them versus the existence I had before them.

Self esteem is a work in progress. I believe that's true for all of us.

Do you have something particular you would like to talk about?

[unaluna]

I would say ive tipped the scale toward the positive side. Im at like 51 or 52 percent! It is a bit of a see-saw.

30 years ago, my self-esteem was extremely low. It got to the point where I tried to kill myself. Thank God that I did not "succeed." I went to psychiatrist after psychiatrist after psychiatrist; meds after meds after meds. Nothing worked. I thought I was a piece of garbage. Worthless. Hopeless.

The tide turned when I came to the realization that the only thing stopping me from having a successful, purposeful life is ME. I was pointing a finger at everyone, but when I pointed a finger at someone--I was pointing four at myself.

I enlisted in the U.S. Navy. The navy broke me down--but they built me up. They taught me responsibility, integrity, loyalty, team work. How to be a leader, not a follower.

You don't have enlist in the military to improve your self-esteem, for all you have to do is change the way you think. You have to truly believe that you can achieve anything you want in life. Will there be obstacles? Yes, but with a positive attitude you can overcome any obstacle. Look for the good in people; don't look for the bad. I'm not talking about delusions of grandeur; I'm talking about a realistic, positive attitude. When you make a mistake, acknowledge it, learn from it, and move forward. I believe what stops most people from achieving their goals is themselves.

Depression may involve a biological factor, unless you strongly feel that there's an environmental basis.

[tony fudo]

Hi want to grow,

Looking back, I can see that I was suffering from depression starting when I was a child. I had a major 'breakdown' when I was 10. I discovered alcohol and drugs when I was about 15 and was hooked immediately. Self medication. It didn't make me feel good. It allowed me to feel.

I stayed drunk for decades, though I was good at my job, so able to support myself legitimately. Eventually I found a therapist who I stayed with for about four years, but who was basically crap. I stayed with him because I thought that I was 'resistant' or something along those lines. I wasn't. He was rubbish. I can see this clearly now, and I do not say this out of vengeance. It is true. I also spent many years on antidepressants.

What saved me was doing yoga, but only after I had tried it and given up many times. One time it just clicked, and it is now central to my existence. I have taken a few classes, but have gone largely on the principal that if it feels positive, do it, and have evolved, over the last decade, a regime that works for me.

My life is not perfect. I sometimes have too much to drink. I sometimes get depressed. In fact, I'm normal, (in these respects anyway!) But I do not spend my entire life orbiting the twin poles of alcoholism and depression.

I am sure that a more competent therapist would have helped me. The medication that I took merely blanked out the underlying problems. They were never going to disappear of their own accord, and inevitably returned when the meds were discontinued. What has made the yoga and meditation practice work, for me, above all else, is a pig-headed determination to make it work. To fail would be my failure, no-one else's. There would be no-one else to blame. And I needed to move on from the pile of crap that my life had been. There really was no alternative.

Yoga/ meditation is probably not for everyone, and some therapists may be crap, but IMHO the most important element to moving on with your life is a grim determination to do so. Find something that works, and dedicate yourself to it, as if your life depended upon it. Because, it does!

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by tony fudo

I needed to move on from the pile of crap that my life had been. There really was no alternative.

...IMHO the most important element to moving on with your life is a grim determination to do so. Find something that works, and dedicate yourself to it, as if your life depended upon it. Because, it does!

Very well put. I esp identify with the bolded stmts. When you hit bottom, and bounce around down there for a while, it does make it easier to say, not going there again. And if doing x means going there again, then i am not doing x - and if that hurts somebodys feelings, thats too bad for them.

[LiteraryLark]

I've spent my whole life depressed and suicidal. I began feeling suicidal when I was in the fourth grade and told myself I would probably kill myself by the time I turned 17. I had a very happy childhood, no abuse, I was depressed and no one else knew. But I wasn't depressed 100% of the time, which confused me. One day I felt like dying and the next day I was so happy I could throw a party. When I moved to a new city to start middle school is when my depression came to an extreme low that never seemed to end, with still alternating days of "up". I acted out a lot and my mom and I were always at each others throats, sometimes spending days not speaking to each other. It got worse as I entered high school. I'd skip school to spent the day crying. When I began cutting my wrists at 17 my parents finally decided to take me to therapy. It didn't help much, rejecting many counselors, and my mom and I went to DBT group therapy which was horrible.

When I was 18 I was put on an antidepressant. Within two months I was hospitalized as a 5150, completely delusional. I spent three weeks in a teen psych facility and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It was then at my diagnosis when I realized who I was and that I could have power over my own life. At the time of my diagnosis I was so drugged that I was literally a walking zombie, and my parents thought I wouldn't be able to graduate high school, and my motivation was to prove them wrong. Even though most of my reasoning and ability to make clear decisions was gone because of the meds, I was able to pass my classes and walk with my graduating class. After I had overcome the obstacle of graduating high school, my next obstacle was to go off meds, which even though I later learned that I could never go off meds, I became more and more motivated to better myself as a person.

My biggest obstacle to overcome so far was how I viewed myself and my self-esteem. For most of my life, I hated who I was and what I looked like and whenever something went wrong, even from the tiniest of things, I would spend the whole day, hours and hours, of telling myself horrible things and that I was a horrible person. So when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I learned that I had control over who I was and who I could be, that I wasn't a monster, that there was a reason for my bad behavior, and that I could not only get help, but that I could help myself. I had to train myself to be kinder. Whenever I messed up and started talking badly, I stopped myself mid-thought and replaced it with, "No, you are not ugly or a bad person. You are beautiful and a good person." I had to tell myself that many, many times a day. It took months and months of retraining my brain to stop putting myself down and reminding myself that I am beautiful and a good person, and it took a year or so before I started truly believing it. I worked really hard on my social skills. I worked on my relationship with my mom, and I worked closely with my parents to monitor my symptoms. It became a turning point for me because even though I relied on my parents, I was constantly monitoring my moods and thoughts and letting my parents and counselors know how I was feeling and thinking which kept me aware of my symptoms and what was normal or not normal, and I learned how to communicate openly and not to be afraid to speak up.

I stopped cutting shortly after getting help, and I hadn't cut for four years until I had couple "accidents" due to a broken heart and stress from work. Even though antidepressants caused my manic episode, I went on one for six months without symptoms until I realized I didn't need them, and then I am back on the same antidepressants now and feeling better.

My life now is just like any other normal college girl's. I go out on dates, I've expanded my social circles, and my relationship with my parents are really close. Whenever I have a problem, I speak openly about it. For the past two years I've felt really happy. I love myself instead of loathe myself. For the past two years I've had my meds dialed in and I work closely with my psych and counselor. I'll always be on medications, and I'll always be alternating from mania to depression, but that's just part of who I am and I'm okay with that.

[WantToGrow]

I appreciate all of your input and am happy to know that it is possible to come out the other side...I recall becoming perfectionistic at a very young age, and with that attitude comes the feeling of not doing well enough, it can always be better. I was taught this by my parents at a young age. These patterns of thinking are so ingrained, it seems insurmountable to change it. I have always bucked the notion that I could willfully just think positively. I have joked that I wish I could have a brain transplant with a happy, content brain - if only it were that easy!

Were there exercises/lessons taught to help you folks change your thinking? I've been in talk therapy on and off all my life and though talking helps for the short term, it did nothing to create change in the long run. I am so exhausted being this way but know that I don't want to live the rest of my life this way.

When a therapist recently asked what I thought I was good at, I couldn't think of anything and began crying. Because, it's never good enough. Over Christmas I was at my parents' and asked for my grade school stuff mom had kept, grades etc.. I got As and Bs for the most part, but even now, my 83 year old mom said I could have done better if I wanted to. This is what has colored me all my life.

[LiteraryLark]

Repetition, repetition, repetition. I take full credit for raising my self-esteem. I had to correct myself over and over again for months and months. You have to do it everyday and whenever you catch yourself saying something you don't want to.

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by WantToGrow

I appreciate all of your input and am happy to know that it is possible to come out the other side...I recall becoming perfectionistic at a very young age, and with that attitude comes the feeling of not doing well enough, it can always be better. I was taught this by my parents at a young age. These patterns of thinking are so ingrained, it seems insurmountable to change it. I have always bucked the notion that I could willfully just think positively. I have joked that I wish I could have a brain transplant with a happy, content brain - if only it were that easy!

Were there exercises/lessons taught to help you folks change your thinking? I've been in talk therapy on and off all my life and though talking helps for the short term, it did nothing to create change in the long run. I am so exhausted being this way but know that I don't want to live the rest of my life this way.

When a therapist recently asked what I thought I was good at, I couldn't think of anything and began crying. Because, it's never good enough. Over Christmas I was at my parents' and asked for my grade school stuff mom had kept, grades etc.. I got As and Bs for the most part, but even now, my 83 year old mom said I could have done better if I wanted to. This is what has colored me all my life.

Hi WantToGrow.... I started typing you out a response and it become really long and I shared a lot of personal information regarding my life experience. I'm going to send it to you as a private message if you don't mind, so check your inbox.

The short answer is that YES, you absolutely can heal yourself of your depression and finally transcend your internal burdens and that which has afflicted you.

I really respect that you are reaching out to others and asking for support and advice. It speaks to your determination and strong intention to repair and heal yourself - and that is exactly what is needed to accomplish this process.

Thank you for making this important thread as no doubt there will be others who are reading this and benefiting from the responses and testimony of others who have achieved positive and life-changing results.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by WantToGrow

I am so exhausted being this way but know that I don't want to live the rest of my life this way.

When a therapist recently asked what I thought I was good at, I couldn't think of anything and began crying. Because, it's never good enough. Over Christmas I was at my parents' and asked for my grade school stuff mom had kept, grades etc.. I got As and Bs for the most part, but even now, my 83 year old mom said I could have done better if I wanted to. This is what has colored me all my life.

I guess you can wait for your mother to die, so she wont be able to give you her negative messages anymore. But if you havent done the psychological work to break away from her, there will still be a period of mourning, and then how old will you be? I assume you are in your 50's or so now?

I have been in therapy since my early 20's. Each and every t told me i needed time away from my mother (i wasnt allowed to go away to college, even tho i had the grades for it), because everytime they built me up, she would tear me down. Now i am in my early 60's, i have been TRYING to stay away from my mother for the past few years, i tell her i am not mad at her, but my life is in a shambles. And still, she wont leave me alone. She doesnt need me - she just wants dominion over me. Everytime she contacts me, i am not myself for a period of time. Its like she bombs me back to the dark ages. She doesnt care - she just wants to tell her friends that yes, she talked to me. Thats what embarrasses her - that they ask her. But she doesnt really care about me.

All this is to say - you have to choose - to paraphrase Jack Benny - your mother or your life?

[brainhi]

Yes, I did get better. Yes, it took a long time. A combination of finding the right meds and therapy.

Learned why I was so self-defeating. Then learning the tools to cope.. that do help retrain that brain. Also, I had to stop worring about what others thought of me. I learned to live by MY BOOK of SHOULDS - not anyone else's.

It is always a work in progress... but I am much much better. I am more happy now then I ever was.

You will find your answers - notice the good things about you. You are here at a website that people go to for understanding, support and help. You "WantToGrow"

[Fuzzybear]

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Thanks OP for this post, we need more positivity. I tend to be very negative anymore so success stories need to be proudly posted and applauded!

One thing I have noticed on these replies is that people say that they are better now with "meds and therapy". Therapy is helpful for most and I think meds are a slippery slope. Meds have not been my friend anyhow.

Just would really L-O-V-E to hear any success stories that got there without meds in the end. I know life is constantly changing and we can go back and forth with them but is anyone here feeling good and successful without any meds With or without therapy? Thanks!

[BLUEDOVE]

I'll give you the name of the acknowledged master
in self-esteem issues: Nathaniel Branden. And I
heartily recommend: "Honoring The Self", and
"The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem" by him.
The man changed my life,and view of myself.
You will have to study,study,study;replace the old
with the new.

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by BLUEDOVE

I'll give you the name of the acknowledged master
in self-esteem issues: Nathaniel Branden. And I
heartily recommend: "Honoring The Self", and
"The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem" by him.
The man changed my life,and view of myself.
You will have to study,study,study;replace the old
with the new.

Nice to hear...

[Pikku Myy]

Yes compared to last year... much better. Not in the psych ward.

[marmaduke]

Originally Posted by DrSkipper

Repetition, repetition, repetition. I take full credit for raising my self-esteem. I had to correct myself over and over again for months and months. You have to do it everyday and whenever you catch yourself saying something you don't want to.

Yup, you are right repetition and determination. I placed positive mantras all over my house and said them 10 times 3 times a day. Took a whole year before I knew I had changed.

At first nothing changes, but slowly, surely, new positive notions begin to replace the old false lies. I am enough, I am always enough. Over and over again.
It works.
Never, never, never, ever give up trying.

[gayleggg]

Yes, I'm much better, but I have the fear of relapsing back into the depression. Every time I feel a little off I start to worry, which isn't the best thing for my mood level. I just know I'm not cured only boosted out of the depression with medication.

Self-esteem goes up when I'm not depressed, it is better.

[Altered Moment]

Yes in the area of self esteem, self love, self acceptance, self forgiveness, forgiveness of others, contentment, inner peace, love and acceptance of others as they are, sharing and helping others....I have achieved it after lots of hard work many different techniques.

When it comes to depression I still get severe depressions unless I am taking a med that is working like my current one is. After the amount of hard work over the last twenty years and the level of success I have had in the areas above, I can only conclude my depression is very biological.

[sideblinded]

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

Yes in the area of self esteem, self love, self acceptance, self forgiveness, forgiveness of others, contentment, inner peace, love and acceptance of others as they are, sharing and helping others....I have achieved it after lots of hard work many different techniques.

When it comes to depression I still get severe depressions unless I am taking a med that is working like my current one is. After the amount of hard work over the last twenty years and the level of success I have had in the areas above, I can only conclude my depression is very biological.

Hey zinco

I am also wondering if I have bipolar as I saw your DX's and the possibility of you having bipolar. I have really bad depression as well and I am on 15mg of remeron for sleep mainly but when I go up to 30 mg to try to get an antidepressant effect I get manic. Wonder if you have this problem? I know we are not in the right forum but what does the Fetzima do for you?

Thanks

[Altered Moment]

I say I am possibly bi polar II or just under on the scale because sometimes I get hypo manic. Usually when coming out of a depression when I first get all the way out I get hypo manic for awhile. Sometimes an antidepressant will trigger hypo mania for awhile. Some times I get it in the middle of a period of not being depressed. It has never really caused me any problems though. I rather like it. Recently it has been more mixed and a little more negative like agitation and I don't like that.

Fetzima made me hypo manic for two months when I started it but it balanced out. It was quite activating as it is supposed to be. I have done very well on it the last nine months. Better than anyone I have ever been on. I believe in the DSM5 if a med triggers hypo mania you may be bi polar II or have switched mania or something. They have defined it more narrowly.

Remeron has never made me hypo manic. I took it a long time ago for depression and it didn't do me a bit of good. I take it strictly for sleep and it works great but I don't see it as doing anything other than that for me. I think 15 would work as good as 30 for sleep but I think my doc figured 30 in case maybe it would help the depression.

As someone else put it....I really like me some Fetzima. lol that's how an addict would put it.

[sideblinded]

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

I say I am possibly bi polar II or just under on the scale because sometimes I get hypo manic. Usually when coming out of a depression when I first get all the way out I get hypo manic for awhile. Sometimes an antidepressant will trigger hypo mania for awhile. Some times I get it in the middle of a period of not being depressed. It has never really caused me any problems though. I rather like it. Recently it has been more mixed and a little more negative like agitation and I don't like that.

Fetzima made me hypo manic for two months when I started it but it balanced out. It was quite activating as it is supposed to be. I have done very well on it the last nine months. Better than anyone I have ever been on. I believe in the DSM5 if a med triggers hypo mania you may be bi polar II or have switched mania or something. They have defined it more narrowly.

Remeron has never made me hypo manic. I took it a long time ago for depression and it didn't do me a bit of good. I take it strictly for sleep and it works great but I don't see it as doing anything other than that for me. I think 15 would work as good as 30 for sleep but I think my doc figured 30 in case maybe it would help the depression.

As someone else put it....I really like me some Fetzima. lol that's how an addict would put it.

This post helped me greatly. Thank you for taking the time to explain your success with these meds. (mostly anyway)