[ForeverLonelyGirl]

I guess they could be called intrusive thoughts, some of them. Some seem to be just very negative. I definitely have severe depression, and am unable to take any psych meds.

I constantly think that something awful is going to happen to one of my kids or grandkids. Illness, accidents, etc. I don't worry so much about my dad that is 90 or my estranged sister. Also think that every twinge of pain I have is going to turn out to be something serious like a heart attack or other disease. I've been tested for heart problems. I'm afraid I'm going to say or do something wildly inappropriate when I am around others, mostly my kids. If I spoke out loud some of my thoughts, there is no telling what would happen. It would not be good.

I've had thoughts of hurting people which horrify me. I never act on them, they scare me to death...so why do I think such awful negative things? Is this just depression or severe anxiety? Definitely I have the occasional but too frequent for my taste thought of hurling myself down my stairs or causing my own death by car accident or self harming, but these thoughts are just fleeting. They mostly seem to serve to torture my peace of mind!!!

[bigblackdog]

I am going to be very clear here.

IF YOU ARE THINKING OF HARMING OTHERS OR YOURSELF, SEEKING CARE IS AN EMERGENCY. Get someone to drive you to the ER as soon as possible. Make sure someone is with you. I am not saying this lightly. I was in ER Saturday. What you are talking about is extremely scary.

That care may or may not include psych meds, as prescribed by someone who knows the meds and other concerns about pharmatreatment. The best treatment for severe/emergency mental health issues is still medications, as they stabilize so that other modalities can work. These meds can be lifesavers, and the doctors will be able to address any issues/concerns you have.

Please call the Suicide Hotline as soon as you see this.

1 (800) 273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week
Languages: English, Spanish
Website: Lifeline

May I suggest changing your username to LonelyForNowGirl? Using the F word is just not a good thing to do or associate with.

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Just to be clear, I am NOT going to hurt anyone or myself. These thoughts are very fleeting. I've had them as intrusive thoughts SINCE withdrawing from klonopin almost 2 years ago. Like I said, they seem to only serve to rob me of my peace of mind. Sorry if I alarmed anyone. I've been down that road a few years ago when I did have suicidal intentions of seeking help at an ER then being locked up like a criminal, treated horribly and got no help for my depression. Just housed and yelled at for 5 days, so no thank you!

[gayleggg]

I've had similar thoughts mainly when I'm depressed and anxious. Hopefully, if you can get rid of the depression the thoughts will subside. Of course, I know how hard it is to get rid of the depression, since I'm med resistant and only have fleeting times without it.

One thing I try to do when I'm anxious it to do relaxation strategies. I use apps on my iPad to help. One is Buddhify, which mainly works on breathing and Relax that is a guided muscle relaxation that I use to sleep. I find they help me distract myself from my thoughts. Of course, I go to therapy too and my counselor helps me through some of the bad thoughts, by looking at them logically.

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Gayle, Thanks for your non-hysterical reply. Getting rid of my depression does not seem to be in the stars for me right now, not until some major changes happen in my situation.

I was wanting to hear thoughts more about what could be causing the strange and very foreign feeling intrusive thoughts. Is it depression, anxiety or just my poor brain trying to adjust to being without the calming little pill.

[bigblackdog]

Originally Posted by ForeverLonelyGirl

Gayle, Thanks for your non-hysterical reply. Getting rid of my depression does not seem to be in the stars for me right now, not until some major changes happen in my situation.

I was wanting to hear thoughts more about what could be causing the strange and very foreign feeling intrusive thoughts. Is it depression, anxiety or just my poor brain trying to adjust to being without the calming little pill.

It's probably depression, anxiety and a bit of benzo withdrawal. Intrusive thoughts are part of all of them. I think that you should still be seen. And Klonopin is a rough drug to come off of. The WD symptoms can fluctuate and keep appearing for years. Especially if you did not taper or cross taper to get off of them. But not all drugs are like that.

I think that you called my post hysterical, it was not, it was completely appropriate to what you were saying. Suicidal thoughts are a serious matter and point to a very dangerous state of mind. inpatient is not the only response to ER psych patients.

[wheredidthepartygo]

hey friend, i too deal with intrusive thoughts and they're no fun. a lot of people say intrusive thoughts target the things we care most about, so i know it can make things seem especially bad when you can't stop worrying about saying inappropriate things around people you care about, but i at least take comfort in the fact that all the worry shows just how much i care about them
i hope this made sense
you'd probably have luck in the OCD forum because intrusive thoughts are a big part of it (though i know yours seem to be from coming off the klonopin but it could be good to hear about people struggling with similar thoughts)
i hope you're doing okay

[~Christina]

Intrusive thoughts are just plain terrible.. Where they come from and why? anybodies guess to be honest. I deal with my in a 2 part way... *** mind racing thinking all kinds of terrible things*** First.. I take a deep breathe in and see it for what it is... a irrational fear of X happening. I write that down on a slip of paper and burn it to ashes... It's a way of releasing the fear, with practice I seldom ever have to actually write it down and burn it anymore. I have learned how to see it( intrusive thought) for what it is , dismiss it and continue about my day. Nothing will get rid of them 100% , but you can reduce it's effect on you.

Mindfulness and Self grounding <~~~ Must have skills !

[avlady]

i think my intrusive thoughts come from the fact that i was never at ay age not abused by others that i just put aside my true thoughts, and held them inside all the years for fear from vindictiveness and retribution. i had a friend who was so vindictive and another that was just plain mean and selfish, that i grew around their actions towards others i thought they would harm me in some way emotionally. i didn't at the time have alot of friends so i ended up just hanging around them, and they used to fight over me too. my ex, who is my sons dad, was such a jerk i would give him the finger behind his back and he caught me once and tried to bend my finger backward.

[Skywalking]

Hi,

I can't help but wonder if perhaps - besides the depression - you've been through some very bad things in your life - major upsets, stuff going wrong at the last minute, unexpected accidents that have made a big impact on you?

I might be completely wrong on that, but I was wondering. I sometimes have similar thoughts and anxiety, though it's not enough to trouble me (most of the time); but I am reasonably sure that it's because I have had so many bad things happen that I expect that to continue in the future. It really *is* the worst-case scenario, when you have *seen* the worst-case scenario, and you *know* you have things to fear.

Either way, I think maybe trying to ask yourself "So what?" to every thought might help. Just follow it to the end, until either you get tired of it or you think of something that's so ridiculous it makes you laugh.

Anyway, best of wishes to you.

[IrisBloom]

You mention grandkids...you must be of menopausal age then. Whether before, during or after, hormones can wreak havoc on your mental condition. IMO those horrible thoughts come from anxiety. It's normal to worry that a loved one will get hurt, sick, or worse. These tend to get worse when under stress or hormonal issues. And your concerns about yourself I think are also expressions of anxiety. I know when I had severe anxiety and panic attacks, I would have similar thoughts and was afraid I'd freak out for no apparent reason around other people. It never happened! Also, if you're like me you think too much. I don't know the cure for that.

[Pikku Myy]

I also have intrusive thoughts every so often... not sure why??? I have learned by now to check myself in for couple of days to calm down. I have also learned a lot about meditation/mindfulness this past year which actually has helped me more than med. Almost like self hypnosis You might want to look into this.

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Originally Posted by bigblackdog

It's probably depression, anxiety and a bit of benzo withdrawal. Intrusive thoughts are part of all of them. I think that you should still be seen. And Klonopin is a rough drug to come off of. The WD symptoms can fluctuate and keep appearing for years. Especially if you did not taper or cross taper to get off of them. But not all drugs are like that.

I think that you called my post hysterical, it was not, it was completely appropriate to what you were saying. Suicidal thoughts are a serious matter and point to a very dangerous state of mind. inpatient is not the only response to ER psych patients.

I appreciate the concern. At the time I read your reply, it was 3 in the morning when I was having a really rough time trying to get to sleep and your post in all CAPS really hit a nerve. I guess because of the horrendous experiences that I have had in an ER. I do not think that psych emergencies are best handled in an ER. One month after my klonopin withdrawal, I had my worst ever panic attack. I was driving my car, had to pull over because I just completely lost it. I was screaming loudly in my car, out of control. I called 911. The ambulance drivers laughed at me at the hospital, I saw them and they did not realize. I was stuck in a hallway in the ER on a stretcher and was completely freaking out, I had such a hard time keeping from screaming and falling in the floor, there was some loud man that was fighting with cops, they were yelling at him. It was quite a scene. Then I was put in a room and told very angrily that there was nothing that could be done for me and that they would NOT be giving me any benzos or other meds to help me. Nothing. Every single person was rather nasty to me except the doctor. He said still there was nothing he could do and they sent me home. So how the hell is an ER going to help me now? They are not.

The time before that when I went to an ER for help, they falsified my records, stated that I said "I want to kill myself" so they could admit me under a committment, involuntary, and they put me in a lock up facility. I was like I said treated like a criminal, like I had done something wrong and the doctor did not even discuss medications with me. He just took me off my long term klonopin abruptly, no weaning at all and I almost died from a stroke. Now do you think I would go to the ER for anything but a heart attack or major trauma? Hell NO.

[ForeverLonelyGirl]

Originally Posted by Pikku Myy

I also have intrusive thoughts every so often... not sure why??? I have learned by now to check myself in for couple of days to calm down. I have also learned a lot about meditation/mindfulness this past year which actually has helped me more than med. Almost like self hypnosis You might want to look into this.

Pikku Myy,

What exactly do you mean by "check myself in"? Do you mean you check in to a behavioral therapy unit at a hospital? That is what I am guessing. My experiences with getting in to a behavioral inpatient setting have been traumatic. The only time I was admitted was when I truly had taken overdoses or was threatening to. Since I no longer do that, even in severe times of stress, I was told that I could not be admitted for any reason but for threatening to hurt myself or someone else.

It would be nice to be able to go into a unit for help without it being a traumatic experience. Where you could get some help with your screwed up thinking or feelings of hopelessness and despair. Get some support and therapy and de-stress. Ha! Those days are long gone. It seems rather senseless to me that you cannot absolutely get admitted for any reason other than being suicidal. There is no such thing as mental health care where I live. None. I'm glad for you that you have such a luxury.