Not sure who I am or what I care about.

Im 16 , Male and 5 foot 10 inches and 150 lbs.Not sure why that would matter but yeah.I can never remember being into school at all.Even at a young age I had no interest.I remember my mom always trying to get me into the IEP Program at school because she though something was wrong with me.It bothered me so much at a young age and still bothers me today.Feel as if Im labeled as being a "Special Education Student".It always made me feel as if I was less then the normal kids.I never got into the IEP Program at a young age.They said I didn't need it.They were confused how I could not need it but yet be a failing student at such a young age.In the 8th grade my parents decided to try to get me it again as it would help me get my diploma to go to high school.I passed it, Getting the IEP and going onto high school.It really discouraged me.Felt stupid.Fought with my mom telling her Im not a retard and etc.Which was a bit too far but thats what I felt like saying at the time.Anyway Im now failing high school and in the 11th grade but have the amount of credits need to pass as a freshman.Technically its IMPOSSIBLE for me to graduate in time or even a year later.I had to get re-evaluate for my IEP This year and got it again.The School Psychologist the one who gave me the IEP test was asking me questions about what I do and what I want to do.Just told her I didn't care.She wanted me to go to meetings people have in school and I told her I didn't want to and refused to go.She asked If I would consider going to a therapist I told her I might.Parents never sent me to one and Im okay with that.She told my parents later on she thinks I might be depressed and have ADD.I believe I could have ADD as Im always thinking about something completely irrelevant
to what someones talking to me about.Seems more like daydreaming I dont know.But its ALL the time.She told me my last IQ test wasn't given to me right when I originally took it 3 years before.She said my IQ was 10 points higher.Still a 85.Which is pretty stupid from what I know.Lately I just don't care much at all and its been for years it seems.I just feel sort of like a ghost.I waste most of my time playing video games or watching youtube videos on my computer.Another issue I have is that I have a hard time talking to people I just meet.Always feel like Im not going to be liked.Constantly nervous.I always think everyone is talking about me behind my back in a negative way.Something thats happened to me in the last couple of years is I can't shake someones hand anymore.My hands get really sweaty as soon as Im about to shake someones hands.I always try to avoid a interaction involving a handshake for that reason.I just feel like I dont know what to do at this point.Im just stupid.I don't grasp anything easily and I just have a hard time with everything it seems.Losing friends it seems like Because im distancing myself away from them.Not even sure if they are really true friends.Not that I have many because I really dont.What do I do ?

i would see the therapist and maybe you could get on some meds for your ADD.

Well I definitely do not think you are a a Lost Cause. You are on HERE looking for help. Lost Causes do not even realize they need some help or do not care to get it. Have you shared your issues with your parents? The issues of your anxiety's with friends, handshaking, etc.? I am trying to get my son an IEP right now and you know why? Because I LOVE him and he needs the help. He is very smart but learns differently. He needs to be in an environment where he had more time to take tests without any distractions. My older son who is now 21 could have used an IEP probably but guess what? The schools said she did not need one and he STRUGGLED. It sounds to me like your self esteem needs a boost. My son never had many friends and my younger son right now does not have any. Friends can be great and friends can be bad. Your parents right now, and your guidance counselor, are your TRUE friends. They will not do anything that will hurt you. They only want to HELP you and it sounds like you want help so PLEASE try your hardest to take their advise and know that things WILL IMPROVE if you want to make the changes. It will get better. 16 is tough and especially with the things you are going through.

Parents wouldn't support me going to the therapist and I we also don't have the money for it.Plus not even sure if its ADD.

This is a good post you have written - you are clearly no fool. And you have coped with some difficult stuff in your life - that is an achievement. It sounds to me as as if your difficulties at school and in life are, understandably, undermining your confidence.

Now that you are 16 and therefore soon to be a fully paid-up adult you might like to consider how you can help yourself and rebuild your confidence.

I wonder if you can go back to the school psychologist and ask her to go through the options again, and perhaps take a more considered view of what is on offer?

Are your parents aware of how you feel? Perhaps they can help you get some support and treatment.

You don't sound like a 'lost cause' to me. Good luck.

Well because of the state law I still have to go to school even though Im not on track to pass.I can't get a GED until I turn 17 and a half.Which isn't till after the fact that I have to see all my friends get ready to graduate.Its just depressing like I dont know where I stand in life at the moment.I just dont want a regular job.Not that its bad.Im not putting anyone down.I just feel like I can do more.But at the same time Im too stupid it seems.I havent passed a class in like 3 years.I've NEVER done good in school.I've told my parents but they really don't think I need anything.The school psychologist isnt going to do anything.If I do have ADD its really not up to her to do anything.Thank you though honestly what you wrote means a lot to me.I went to this website for help from amazing people like yourself.I just dont know what to do anymore.Thats why Im here.

Hi Just.... Welcome to PC. I'm so sorry you've been going through all this. Your writing is very good. You have a way with words that drew me in and made your pain just about leap out from the screen.

What Avlady and ManOfConstantSorrows have said is very good advice. Seeing a therapist or psychiatrist can really help you. It's great that you're open to that. Please don't feel like you are less than others. There is more than one kind of intelligence. Just b/c you're different than others doesn't mean that you are less than others.

I hope you can find happiness and tranquility.

Parents dont really have the money for it and wouldnt support it.

I have no words of wisdom for your situation. I just want you to know that i heard you.

First of all, screw the tests. They are biased. If it's good, fine, believe what you will. If it's bad, doubt it and kill it.

Let nobody tell you whether or how intelligent you are. NOBODY. EVER.

Now, to get a little personal. I have a relative that was in special ed. He is my half brother. I didn't know this when I was young. Thought he was a cousin. (Big Secret - 60's total crap).

I grew up with him. He was 3 years older than me. He was held back in 5th grade. So I was 2 years back. They kept saying he had a learning disorder.

Ok. So I learn Dungeons and Dragons. This would be 7th grade, 1981. Two years later, I am a freshman in high school.

My half brother was in special ed at one high school, and I a freshman at another. I taught him to play D&D. I can tell you from personal experience that his learning ability was just FINE.

WHEN HE WAS INTERESTED.

This man, my brother, gained a grasp on D&D so fast it blew me away. He learned faster than I did. I being the one with the great test scores and all that. I was floored.

I had to readjust my thinking of my brother on the fly. He became a Dungeon Master. He created awesome worlds for us to play in. (I got sick of being DM and decided to teach him - because I wanted to play, and I knew he could pull it off with flying colors.)

This man is nobody's fool. Yet his test scores say otherwise. This man is eminently teachable, when he wants to learn.

Don't let teachers or test scores or classes tell you anything. Don't let them buy property in your head. Do the best you can at whatever it is you decide to do.

That's it/

Getting tested/screened for your mental health and overall well being is so important. Most states have health clinics for mental health that provide screening. If theres a cdc near you, consider calling them. Hope this helps, youre not Alone

I guess my fear would be that docs would just start throwing meds at you. I understand that some people (like me) need them, but I am extremely wary of giving anyone whose brain is not fully developed any kind of drug unless absolutely necessary.

On the other hand, therapy might be the best thing.

My distrust of doctors shows itself here, but that's because of my own experiences.