[Greenleaves]

I wrote about this elsewhere too, but I'm just really needing some responses here too. Sorry for being so needy.

My sister came home and whenever she comes home she makes me feel like a total loser. She's doing really well in university. She's going for her Master's. She has good friends and a boyfriend.

Meanwhile here I am, out of school with no degree and in a low paying call centre job. I have no close friends and I don't even desire a boyfriend.

I'm extremely unsuccessful in life. I feel like a total loser. I start thinking my life is worth less than my sister's.

The thing that doesn't make much sense is that I'm pretty content with my non-successful life. I like being able to sleep until 1 PM. I think my work is tolerable. I like how it's fairly stress-free and mindless. I get to do puzzles and read while I'm working.

I like living at home and not having to pay rent. I like saving the little money I make and doing fun things with it. I like having time to just do whatever I like. I like my online life. I'm making a crazy hat right now and I like it.

I feel OK and happy as long as I don't compare myself to other people and start feeling like a loser.

I think I'm writing this because I hope that other people can say things to me to make me feel like I'm not such a total loser.

[allthegirls6]

greeny,

Im sure your parents dont see it like that. We are all differnt and you are not a loser.

[Greenleaves]

Thanks ATG.

I don't know how my parents see things. I think they just want me to be happy.

My parents work low paying jobs and I don't see them as losers. Maybe I judge myself too harshly.

I dunno. My parents have lots of disadvantages. They're immigrants and they don't speak a lot of English. They work so hard to put my sister and me through university and I have nothing to show for it.

I just think I should be successful and supporting my parents by now. Instead I still need my parents to support me.

I dunno. Maybe I should see myself as having certain disabilities. I wouldn't compare someone with autism to someone without autism. I'm not saying I have autism, but I do have a lot of problems socially. My pdoc says she's proud of me whenever I go out with friends and don't resort to self destructive behaviour whenever I feel badly.

Maybe I need to live by a different sort of standard.

[Greenleaves]

Ugh. I still feel like a loser.

I wish I could talk to my pdoc right now. She can say something to make me feel better about myself.

I hate this.

[Greenleaves]

I hate feeling this. I feel like crying.

Now I'm whining.

I wish I were a normal person. I hate myself.

[Greenleaves]

I'm being immature about this. I wonder why no one is replying to my thread?

I'm such a loser no one wants to talk to me.

Am I just being manipulative again?

I just need support. I hate myself. I'm so needy. I can't make myself feel better.

I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. I don't know how to get support for myself.

[Greenleaves]

I hate this! I feel bad. Help me!

[Christina86]

((((((((((((((Greenleaves))))))))))))))

Don't know how to help you, but I'm reading.

Anything I can do?

[sparkling]

Hey. You are not a loser. Don't be so hard on yourself. See? The doggie likes you.

(check out the kudos section )

[Greenleaves]

Thanks for replying canders.

I'm being unreasonable. Crying.

I think no one cares and I think what a loser I am and then I cry.

Thanks for the hugs. I don't know what could help me. Maybe people can explain how success isn't everything?

That might make me feel better. Maybe people can explain why I shouldn't compare myself to other people?

[Greenleaves]

Thanks sparkling.

[Zen888]

Hi Greenleaves

I identify with you compeltely regarding your education and sibling problems. Very similar!

I choose to focus on what I am good at and strive to exceed my personal best. I may not be where i'd like to be at this point in my life, but things could be alot worse for me.

Have you considered joining some of your city's local art groups (non-credit...painting, sculpture, cooking)? And exercising?

I hope this doesn't make you sad...but do you have any pets?

(((((((((((((((((Greenleaves))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Juliana]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Greenleaves said:Maybe people can explain why I shouldn't compare myself to other people?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

It sounds like you already know that to be true. Has your therapist talked to you about ways that you can make yourself feel better? You mentioned in one of your previous posts that you wish you could see her right now so she could say something to make you feel better about yourself. Maybe you could try saying some of those same things to yourself. We don't always get all the answers we're looking for from other people. External reinforcement can be ineffective if YOU don't believe the positive things that people are telling you. Has your therapist discussed positive self-talk with you? Maybe you could try practicing telling yourself all the things you wish other people would say to you. It sounds like you know what you want to hear. You need to start saying those things to yourself -- rather than saying only negative things to yourself. You know you're not a loser, don't you? You know that there are different definitions for success, don't you? The more you tell yourself positive things about yourself, the less room there will be for those self-defeating negative thoughts to creep in.

[Greenleaves]

Thanks Pilatus

I need to concentrate on my personal best too. I joined my local astronomy group 2 years ago. Maybe I should go back.

I don't have any pets right now. I've had hamsters, but they died. I'm wondering whether or not I should get another hamster. It used to comfort me.

I wrote about Hammie, Sophie and Buttertart here. I was so sad when they died.

[Christina86]

(((((((Greenleaves)))))))))))

People care.

And I disagree, crying is a perfectly reasonable response if we're upset. You are, correct? Crying is good for a person, releasing good chemicals and whatnot.

Success isn't everything. I've had to tell people that over and over again and sometimes it's just very hard to get a person to believe it. Success is always nice, but sometimes we learn more (and appreciate more, and enjoy more) when we fail, or fall short. Life sucks, but it's always an oppurtunity for the next moment (or next day or oppurtunity) to be a 100 times better.

Comparing yourself to others is perfectly normal. Human nature, we want what other people have, and if we admire/like/etc something that another person posesses (even personality characteristics) we can get a bit ... well, upset. But comparing yourself to others will usually wind up with making you more upset. Instead of comparing yourself to people who have "more", how about trying to think about how much worse you could have it?

I don't know, I'm thinking out loud - I apologize.

(((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))

[Greenleaves]

Thanks Julianna

You're right. I need to say good learn to think positive things. I just get stuck in this horrible cycle of negative thoughts.

I don't think I will ever be a doctor or scientist. I'm not smart enough. I feel like I should be making $100 000 a year and support my parents, but instead I make $9/hr at a call centre.

It could be worse though. I could be living in a 3rd world country. I could be a drug addict, or homeless.

I should feel lucky that I have loving parents and a roof over my head.

Thanks for replying.

[Zen888]

What about volunteering at a local animal humane shelter?

[Greenleaves]

Thanks Canders. There are different definitions of success, it isn't all about status and money.

Sigh. I just wish I were just normally successful, not even super successful. I just wish I lived a normal life.

You're right though about there being other people with things a lot worse than me.

[Wants2Fly]

Hello Greenleaves --

I am sorry that you felt so alone for such a long time. I just got back online a little while ago.

Feeling like a loser really doesn't have much to do with how much one earns. I have enough education for 3 people, I do okay financially when I am employed, but my emotional intelligence as it's now called, is rather dubious, so I'm not always full employed, and those are tough times.

I often think,"what's wrong with me" and I wonder how to have a so-called social life, except when I go out, it usually doesn't seem worth the trouble. I am 8 years away from retirement, and my mother has been helping me out $$$ since 2003!

Hahaha, so I guess I am a bigger loser than you are!

Feel better ((((((((((((((((Greenleaves)))))))))))))

[Greenleaves]

Hey Pilatus

I've never owned a cat or a dog so I don't have any experience taking care of them. OTOH, if they had a hamstery, then I'd know what to do LOL.

((((((Hamsters))))))))

You have a good idea about volunteering. If I help others that might make me feel better about my life.

[Juliana]

You mentioned that you would feel better if you could support your parents. I know you're not making much money right now, but since you live at home, perhaps you could ask your parents if you can help with the bills. Knowing that you're contributing what you can afford to contribute would probably be very good for your self-esteem. I'm sure your parents love having you with them. You're a support to them in that way. Perhaps you would feel better about yourself if you made a small financial contribution each month. Maybe you could offer to take over responsibility for one bill -- like cable or internet or help out with the groceries. That would probably make you feel good.

[Greenleaves]

Thanks for replying wantstofly. I'm pretty sure I have a pretty low emotional intelligence quotient. I probably have a normal IQ. My social skills are way below normal.

I'll probably live with my parents for a long time. I don't make enough money to be able to support myself.

Sigh. It's OK. I feel a little better. I don't pay any rent so the little money I make saves up quickly.

[Greenleaves]

Hey Julianna

My parents wouldn't let me pay their bills. I had to sneak behind their back just to pay for internet on my own.

Right now my Mom wants to go to China so I'm thinking I can save up enough money to take my Mom to China.

[Juliana]

What a lovely idea that is! I'm sure you'll feel wonderful taking you mother to China. That's a beautiful gift you're saving up for. She will love that. Just the fact that you're thinking of it would probably make her feel so loved. Now, remind yourself right now what a kind, thoughtful daughter you are and be proud of yourself for that!