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  #76  
Old Aug 19, 2015, 01:41 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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((((((((( sabby )))))))))

I too was too scared to talk in class And I was labelled with all sorts of wrong things because of this . I'm "old" too

As for the bullying and abuse, too much to speak of . I was a forceps baby and abandoned at birth Mean au pairs "cared for" me, Except they didn't care. They lied, they violated me
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  #77  
Old Aug 19, 2015, 07:50 PM
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I was bullied by a teacher in primary school, grade 2. She threatened daily to have me beaten by the principal. Every day I used to wait in total distress to see if today would be the day it was going to happen or not. She used to do it even if I just didn't score full marks on a math test, or wrote my homework on a page in my book that was not the page she wanted me to write it on. She even called in my mother to "report" the incident. On the blackboard we had a good and bad list, and the teacher would leave for extended periods and leave a student in charge to record the names of behaving and misbehaving students. They used to put my name under "bad" just to see what the teacher would do to me. I used to cry and beg and plead for them to take my name off. They just laughed.

In high school I was bullied again for being a nerd/smart.

Even at university, I was bullied by "exclusion" where you're not invited to take part in the activities the rest of the class were doing, also basically because I was smart and shy.

Now, my study-leader is trying to bully me to do a research project I never said I wanted to do, telling me it's depression that is making me think the way I'm thinking and that I should go on meds.

It just feels like it will never end, just change from one form to another. It has affected my life to no end.
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  #78  
Old Aug 19, 2015, 08:44 PM
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I've been bullied at work and people just cover-up for the bully and put their heads in the sand. It's ironic because they will also brag that they are intolerant of bullies. How hypocritical is that?
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  #79  
Old Aug 19, 2015, 09:13 PM
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I remember a teacher once who bullied and belittled a student for about half an hour until he just put his head down on his desk. We all just sat there in shock. It was horrible. I didn't say anything, but I wish I had. But what could you say or do to a teacher?

I have experienced some bullying, but not nearly as bad or as much as many of you. It's sad and so stupid.
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  #80  
Old Aug 19, 2015, 09:15 PM
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I was bullied in elementary school because I tended to be very expressive with my style of dress. For example, I wanted to dress like a girl from the 1860's so I sewed a muff for my hands and wore a long dress to school, covered with a pinafore (I was 8). Stuff like that, and there was a group of mean girls who bullied me, mocked me, laughed at me. Teachers acted like they didn't notice. Oh, how it hurt - and still does. Fortunately, by high school it was 'cool' to be an expressive dresser, and I was pretty confident, so I wasn't bullied anymore.

In my adult life I feel I have been bullied by certain psychiatrists. It seems like many p-docs are sadistic in the way they like to have power over prescribing meds, or not prescribing them. The p-doc I have now...I feel like the woman is truly a bully, disrespectful, and condescending. I don't like her a bit, and I'm glad because at the end of the month I'll have a different doctor.
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  #81  
Old Aug 20, 2015, 02:04 AM
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Originally Posted by Sizzling View Post
I've been bullied at work and people just cover-up for the bully and put their heads in the sand. It's ironic because they will also brag that they are intolerant of bullies. How hypocritical is that?
Yeah. It doesn't really stop after childhood. It just becomes more advanced and subtle. In the adult world, people use their power and influence to bully you.
  #82  
Old Aug 20, 2015, 05:29 AM
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I'm sorry for what you all have experienced. It's horrible. I know you can't erase what happened but I hope you all can move on from this. I don't mean that you bury it in the past but instead move on from it because you realize that you are the stronger and better person. Because you all are.

It would be great if people are taught ways to deal with bullying. To learn coping mechanisms. Because in my opinion bullying will most likely always exist in some shape or form. Also there should be more awareness of bullying, not just a anti-bully week or when something happens on a national level, but instead every week, bullying and it's consequences should be on the agenda.
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  #83  
Old Aug 21, 2015, 06:38 AM
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I'm sorry for you all I don't feel like telling the episodes with my teachers now (sorry ), but now I think that it really was bullying, especially with that of kindergarten.
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  #84  
Old Aug 22, 2015, 09:39 AM
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I think that the way public schools handle bullying is B.S. Children should be allowed and encouraged to defend themselves. Telling children to ignore or avoid the bully does nothing to solve the problem at hand and if a bully takes the first swing at a child, that child should have every right to fight back without fear of being suspended or otherwise punished by the school system.

In the unlikely event that I ever choose to have children of my own, I plan on either homeschooling them while allowing them to attend clubs or camps with other children to get their social activities in or encouraging them to not fear being suspended over defending themselves against bullies while hardening them to not deal with other kid's B.S. If they got suspended for defending themselves, I would reward them at home rather than punish them. I would also be sending them to martial arts training sessions to give them the means to defend themselves against bullies.

Pacifism isn't a path to peace but a path to further suffering.

Last edited by Anonymous52222; Aug 22, 2015 at 09:41 AM. Reason: typos
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  #85  
Old Aug 22, 2015, 11:01 AM
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Hi DIMF, I've also wondered excessively about my future children, where they will go to school one day.

School broke me. It ruined me, no other way of describing it. I was odd but perfectly OK before school.

I don't want to deny them any proper social development either though. I don't want them to be unprepared either, because those kids in the public school, even the bullies, will be growing up the same rate as my kids, so one day they might meet as adults. My parents sheltered me when I was a kid and it didn't quite do me good, it left me unprepared.

This is so hard.
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  #86  
Old Aug 22, 2015, 12:09 PM
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Originally Posted by StbGuy View Post
Hi DIMF, I've also wondered excessively about my future children, where they will go to school one day.

School broke me. It ruined me, no other way of describing it. I was odd but perfectly OK before school.

I don't want to deny them any proper social development either though. I don't want them to be unprepared either, because those kids in the public school, even the bullies, will be growing up the same rate as my kids, so one day they might meet as adults. My parents sheltered me when I was a kid and it didn't quite do me good, it left me unprepared.

This is so hard.
That's why I wouldn't shelter them but at the same time, I would teach them to be strong and independent and to think for themselves and always question authority.

That's also where the martial arts classes started at a young age (say 6 or 7 years old) would come into play. By the time they get to the age to where bullying is a serious issue, they would be stronger than most of the other kids, therefore, potential bullies wouldn't stand a chance. Considering that bullies tend to prey on the weaker kids, I think hardening children at a young age in a way similar to what I described would be far more effective at "sheltering" them than trying to shield them from danger myself ever would be.

It's a good thing that I don't want children until I'm well off financially without having to work more than 30-40 hours a week and I have a girlfriend that I've been with for several years because I would feel trapped and suffocated in a relationship with children where I also had to work a lot and not have my alone time.
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  #87  
Old Aug 22, 2015, 01:48 PM
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Then again, doubt I'll ever have any kids, so why do I worry?
  #88  
Old Aug 22, 2015, 11:20 PM
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I don't remember much of preschool but supposedly there was this kid who once pushed me out of my chair and took it, and my mom was there and was ready to hang the kid. As for me, I apparently just shrugged and went and got a different chair instead of starting a fight or pushing back or whatever it was my mother had expected I would do. I don't recall having many friends either, maybe 3 in all of the class. For some reason this one girl named Brenna is sticking out. I think she was one of the ones who thought I was just weird.

I remember not liking the teacher's assistant for my kindergarten class. I got an N on my weekly progress report because I told her to be quiet and she went and told everyone that I had told her to "shut up". I don't remember which I said.

In first grade I switched schools after moving. There was this kid about 10 years old named Justin and he warned me that he would beat me up if I messed with him so I was very careful not to mess with him so he and I never got into fights or anything.

Second grade I went to yet another school where I stayed through fourth grade. It was a small Christian private school. My procrastination issues got worse and also I slowly withdrew into myself. Fourth grade was the worst. There were these two girls Jessica and Kendra. I had my hands in my skort for whatever reason (I don't know why, but I do know I wasn't touching myself) and they saw me and went and told everyone to avoid me. I spiralled into a depression and became self-abusive, tighting my belt too tight and sleeping on the floor (but always getting back into my bed because I didn't want my parents to see or be involved), and talking about how I should just die. I had one sort-of friend, and that was only because the principal told her that she had to keep being my friend. I had another sort-of friend, whom I was only acquainted with because of previous years' spelling bees and because her parents and my parents were in the same small group. Also I had my friend who lived an hour away and my across the street neighbor. But they weren't enough. I drew a bunch of pictures in the white space of my agenda book (this was back when they were actually the size of normal paper rather than small enough to fit into my palm and so there was plenty of white space) about sad [Snickie] and at one point I made a list of people I knew and my relationship with them. I had four colors of markers for that list. Green meant I was comfortable with them and considered myself friendly; dark blue was on-again off-again; and orange and fuschia had their own meanings, probably something along the lines of "they hate me". The green list was long but full of teachers, my neighbor, and the hour-away friend. Two other names made up the blue list and everyone else was in the orange and fuschia lists by name. My parents discovered the drawings and the list and sent me to counselling... I guess they didn't really grasp just how wrong my head was until they saw the physical manifestations in my agenda. The counsellor told them I was an intellectually gifted child and that children like me tend to have trouble with socialization and that I should be placed in a program that would cater to the gifted. My parents had me tested with the county and lo and behold I qualified for the program. However, the one elementary school in the area that did that was a public school in a not-so-great part of town. My parents decided to keep me in the private school and hope things would resolve on their own. By the end of the year I was mostly okay.

Fifth grade at the private school started... and this time the flak came from the teacher, who called me a child of the devil when I told her I was bored. When the principal (new guy) wouldn't do anything about it, my parents got angry and pulled me out and enrolled me into the gifted class at the public school. And that was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Most of my social issues disappeared overnight, I made friends, my intellectual needs were being satisfied, and I was happier.

Then sixth grade happened. I met this girl Courtney and we became best friends. One day in gym she told me about how her dad had died just a few years prior in a car accident, and we held hands while I was comforting her 'n stuff. A girl named Heather saw us and called us lesbians, and because she had some dirt on other people she blackmailed them into spreading the rumor that Courtney and I were lesbians. It got around to people on my bus: one of my neighbor's best friends (new neighbor - we moved while I was in 5th grade to the other side of town), Maddie, was one of the worst perpetrators. She once yelled at the bus loop that she had seen Courtney and I kissing in the locker room bathrooms, which we weren't. I was once pushed back onto this other girl on my bus, who also went by Maddy, and she recoiled as if I were a leper or coated in some kind of disgusting grime. Like, "EW THE LESBIAN B**** TOUCHED ME EW EW EW EW!!!!" Coincidentally they and I all decided to sit at the front of the bus at the same time to get away from each other and so there was that drama too. Outside of the gym was a hallway with some chainlink gates and it was very cramped when waiting to get into the locker rooms. I was pushed into one girl by the crowd and she yelled at me to stay out of her bubble. Another girl punched me in the shoulder; not hard, but still. Eventually I let my parents know what was going on and my mother was livid. She called the school and told them to address it and used all the buzzwords like "bullying" and so they called me and Maddie into the disciplinary office (Heather had kind of faded out of the picture by then). She caught me outside the door and "made up" with me, and then completely changed her story to say she had been defending me (not true at all) and negated mine when we were talking to the administrator. I guess it worked though because nobody really bothered me after that.

I don't remember feeling degraded during the sixth grade bullying experience, only really annoyed. I was really nonconfrontational back then so that's how it was allowed to continue for as long as it did. It especially didn't help that what they were saying about us wasn't true at all. Courtney and I are (or were, at the time) straight as boards (she might be closer to bi now but chooses to act hetero because of her religion, whereas I identify as asexual but heteroromantic now).

It's one thing to be bullied for what you are. It's another to be bullied for something you're not. I'm not saying one is worse than the other, just that they're different.

Interestingly, Heather was in my eleventh grade English class. Every few weeks my teacher made us switch seats/tables and so I ended up at one point sitting next to her at a roundtable full of druggies/rebels (they passed around a 2-liter bottle of Coke and rum on a near-daily basis). The day we switched and I was next to her, I was nonchalantly like, "Oh hey, you bullied me in the sixth grade." And she was like, "Oh really? Uh, sorry."

And those are my experiences with being bullied.
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  #89  
Old Aug 23, 2015, 05:08 AM
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snickie, you are stronger and better than those people who bullied you in one shape or another. I hope these events haven't shaped your future.

Your experience shows once again how schools are incompetent at dealing with bullying. Even more than that, it seems that some teachers/principals are not interested unless you use the word bullying?
  #90  
Old Sep 06, 2015, 04:19 PM
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vonmoxie vonmoxie is offline
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To the OP and all previous posters, thank you for this thread.

While I'm so glad that many folks younger than me have been able to grow up in an environment where these issues are at the very least talked about, there is clearly room for much improvement of community comprehension and action, to get us to the point where we are all participating in fostering an environment that provides fair opportunity for everyone's healthy development.

Speaking to how bullying can remain so pervasive in a person's life, I found this description from the National Children's Advocacy Center to have a real ring of truth to it: "Emotional residues from maltreatment can create a “victim schema” that communicates vulnerability to peers and can invite bullying and peer violence." Certainly seems to have been true for me, for whom the bullying started at home, was relentless from the get-go at school by schoolmates and even by teachers piling on. This ultimately left me feeling very trapped by my reality as I was experiencing it.

But, realizing (by which I mean creatively finding ways to remind myself at the core) that the pervasiveness of the bullying that has existed in my life has had little to do with anything inherently wrong with me, but more so just an unfortunate sequencing of events, is fairly helpful inoculation. I think it is relatively difficult for anyone who has suffered a similar degree of victimization to really absorb that truth, but nearly impossible for a child who may be without any support or outlet.

Just my two cents. Thanks again everybody. Oh, and I saw a great documentary on a cable channel (Pivot) that comes with my line-up, called "Bully" (2011) which I thought both powerful and sensitive, and worthy of mention.. I expect they will replay it every so often as they are just that kind of channel. It would be great if they could be showing it in schools and have discussion groups afterwards and stuff. Would beat the heck out of the useless blather they used to show us in our ancient school assemblies.
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  #91  
Old Sep 07, 2015, 06:35 AM
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vonmoxie: Thank you for your input, i'm sorry that you experienced bullying. I've seen a documentary on bullying and i'm pretty sure it's the same documentary that you have seen.
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  #92  
Old Sep 07, 2015, 08:31 PM
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I was bullied in elementary and junior high (Well we have slightly different school system but maybe that's best match) I was the weird and goofy kid and never could fit in really well. Not very seriously bullied, though, but enough to build me lots of anxiety around age 10 to 12. At age of 13 we start our "junior high". First autumn i was quite seriously bullied by guys year ahead of me. It was extremely stressful time, they might even appear to my home door... I was safe nowhere. Thank god they got bored and probably found someone else...

At age 14-15, when testosterone kicks in, I started drinking and smoking and became one on the cool guys. I really enjoyed my new imago... Thank god i never became a bully myself. I felt i don't have to get my revenge. I was against bullying all the way.

So this made me a party drinker, and as i got older, parties got heavier. When my first bipolar symptoms started to appear around mid 20's i started sort of self medicating. I had lots of racing thoughts which i would shut down by knocking myself out by heavy drinking. It wasn't about parties anymore....

I don't know if bullying made me an alcoholic in the end, but for sure it pushed me to that direction...
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  #93  
Old Sep 08, 2015, 04:33 AM
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Slowbrains: It's good that you wasn't bullied heavily and also good that you didn't want any revenge. You are better than the bullies.
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  #94  
Old Sep 09, 2015, 05:24 AM
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What the hell, I'll share an experience I've never told anyone about. Many years after the bullying, I was at a public event and recognized the guy who used to taunt me the most, out of the many who participated. Kind of the ring leader of the bullies. I had hoped that time would have "healed the wound" or at least softened my feelings; but no. I was immediately enraged when I saw him.

I had a Swiss Army knife in my pocket, a fairly big one with a 2-inch blade. For some time I seriously considered walking up to the guy and stabbing him in the heart; that was how angry and hurt I still felt, even after all that time.

Luckily I came to my senses and let it go. But I've never forgotten that experience. I'm generally a very passive, non-violent person; my thoughts that day terrified me. No matter how much time passes I still passionately hate those bullies.
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  #95  
Old Sep 09, 2015, 08:07 AM
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OneInBillions: It's good that you didn't stab that person who had hurt you and bullied you. The pain from being bullied must of been terrible. I hope one day you can recover and heal from what happened to you.
  #96  
Old Sep 09, 2015, 08:16 AM
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The pain would subside except the distance of time just adds more context - that childhood is a non-repeatable life experience. These people, who others just saw as "funny" or perhaps driven by troubles at home, stole this irreplaceable thing from us.
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  #97  
Old Sep 09, 2015, 10:14 AM
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I was in middle school when a girl in my class started spreading rumors about me and my female friends. She said that she caught my friends and I engaged in sex. I was so humiliated by the nature of the rumor, and at this time I was struggling deeply with my bisexuality. Everywhere I went, classmates snickered at me from behind my back. It got so bad that my friends and I went to the principal and the girl was suspended from school for a week. When she came back she made up a story where her dad held her hand over a hot stove burner as punishment.

I feel that the girl was so insecure about herself that she had to make outlandish stories to detriment others to make herself feel better. Sad really.
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  #98  
Old Sep 12, 2015, 04:47 AM
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The pain would subside except the distance of time just adds more context - that childhood is a non-repeatable life experience. These people, who others just saw as "funny" or perhaps driven by troubles at home, stole this irreplaceable thing from us.
True, once your childhood is gone, that's it. But the best we can do is try to make the most of the remainder of life.

Quote:
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I was in middle school when a girl in my class started spreading rumors about me and my female friends. She said that she caught my friends and I engaged in sex. I was so humiliated by the nature of the rumor, and at this time I was struggling deeply with my bisexuality. Everywhere I went, classmates snickered at me from behind my back. It got so bad that my friends and I went to the principal and the girl was suspended from school for a week. When she came back she made up a story where her dad held her hand over a hot stove burner as punishment.

I feel that the girl was so insecure about herself that she had to make outlandish stories to detriment others to make herself feel better. Sad really.
Sorry that you experienced that. Must of been stressful and terrible. You are better than that person.
  #99  
Old Sep 12, 2015, 07:49 AM
Anonymous200160
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I'm sorry for anyone who has been bullied. I don't think one can ever get past it. I guess that's because I am in the midst of it myself. I've been bullied as an adult. My reputation ruined.

If you don't believe in revenge, then what kind of punishment do you think a bully deserves? Do you think a good scolding is sufficient punishment?
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  #100  
Old Sep 12, 2015, 08:26 AM
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Even though I have anger/temper problems, revenge is not the answer. It must be soo tough and horrible for those who have and are being bullied.
If we answer bullying with revenge, then the bullies themselves will answer with revenge as well. In my heart, revenge is never the answer.

Also sometimes those who are doing the bullying, were once bullied themselves or they have problems at home, etc. But no matter the cause, it is never ok to bully someone, NEVER.
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