Afraid of being mentally ill

I haven't been on-line much, so I don't know if this has been discussed since VTech incident, but I am really becoming more and more afraid of my illness - even just having the diagnosis - because of what is happening in the world these days.

Am I just getting myself into a paranoid state here or does anyone else ever feel afraid because of what takes place with those who (how can I put this appropriately?) totally go off the deep end, so to speak?

I wonder (and fear greatly) sometimes, if my illness could ever lead me to such actions? Or, if not, that others (ie. family / mental health ppl / emergency personnel / police, etc.) will look at me as more of a threat to everyone.

This really doesn't help my agoraphobia!

Altered State

Altered State,

My BF has worked with the mentally ill for about 15 years now. He was getting very upset at the news, because they're all blaming VT and Columbine, and any horrible killing on mental health....My BF says that it takes a pure sociopath to do these things. Depression, schizophrenia, etc, doesn't make someone just snap and do a mass murder, according to him.

We also watched a news report, where they were talking about the intense planning these mass killings took. The news report said that the killers had to be pretty aware of what they were doing to do all the planning.

So anyway, I guess what it comes down to, and this is only the opinion of my BF, who actually goes up to the state mental hospitale where there are people convicted of murder who are actually "insane". These poeple have used the insanity plea but actually are insane, and they wouldn't be able to have an intelligent conversation on the internet like you and I can. He's described these people to me, they're not coherant, so I seriously doubt those of us who are able to post on here could ever truthfully use the insanity plea.

Again though, this is the opinion of one person, from his own experience. But I don't think you'd snap and go on a mass killing spree.......

I have been in the system for about 35 yrs. and would never do anything like those things that happened, a sociopath possibly would and does , we the mentally challanged would hurt ourselves before anyone else, we are again being stigmatized AS , I trust you far more than you can believe, peace and breathe dearheart
Angie

have to agree i have suffered most of my life i'm 51 now ,the only danger i am ,is to myself ,i know lots of sufferers and i'd say on the whole the same applies

I use to be afraid my anger would make me snap until I gradually realized that my self-control was equal to my anger. My fantasies of my anger being out of control also contained images of one hand holding the other in an iron grip behind my back so it couldn't get loose :-) I think only we know ourselves; often others "startle" us with what they do but I don't think I could truly surprise myself? I agree with Raynaadi that I don't think I could become that "unaware" and change my behavior from what I'm use to from myself unless I had brain damage of some sort (Alzheimer's which isn't in my family) and I don't know that I could protect myself from that no matter what so I don't worry about it.

{{{{{{{{{AS}}}}}}}}}}} I think the simple fact that you're worrying about it is reason enough to know that it won't happen to you, Sweety. You suppose this, also, could be paranoia? I don't know your Dx or you all that well, but I've seen the warm, caring side of you. You're no sociopath, Hon! Not by a long shot!

Wow, you guys! Thanks so much - I really, really needed to hear all that was said.

I do know myself pretty well and I would always self-destruct before turning my anger outward.

I do though, fear, at times, the level of my anger I FEEL INSIDE and I guess that is what is really frightening to me.

When tragedies like this happen, it always seems to bring out the black and white aspect of my illness - could I actually go that far? Or rather, could my illness TAKE me that far?

These are the thoughts that frighten me and like one of you said, it is just a misconception of what I think mental illness is. Can you believe that? I think like the general public does when it comes to mental illness - and yet I am mentally ill!

Yup, paranoia is reigning here.

Again, thanks to all that replied. I feel much "safer" about myself.

Altered State

reading through these posts I get the feeling that perhaps people dont identify sociopaths and psychopaths as having a mental illness.

Any thoughts on this??

Uh, I do. That's why I fear my mental illness.

Altered State

Missed the thoughts part of the post - Of course these two categories of people are symptomatic of mental illness - it is, after all, a very extreme personality type and one that is known to be both destructive to self and society, right? Is that not what defines mental illness, in one sense?

I cannot help but feel compassion for those who otherwise cannot feel anything for anything or anyone - what a messed up world they must live in, indeed, if they even KNOW it as such (which they don't)...

HUH? If the two that did the killings at Columbine and the shooter at VTech weren't psychopaths/sociopaths, what were they?? They were seriously mentally ill! IMHO, they were "criminally insane"! That goes way beyond "mentally ill", don't you think? I do!

I can totally understand where you are coming from. When they kept talking about mentally ill. It seemed to me they where lumping anyone with depression etc in with the killer.The media loves to do crap like that. Hopefully most people in society won't treat ya wrong.

AS ...thankyou for your comments,I too feel compassion for these people, life is a lucky dip,noone knows what cards they will be dealt.

SM.... I was not actually alluding to the shootings in the States,I do not have any idea about who and what these people were suffering from or not suffering from. (maybe these incidents are a shocking side effect of the gun culture in the States) I was merely asking whether people recognised p/s as having a mental illness.
Not all psychopaths and Sociopaths are going out on axe weilding missions.
There are alot of people who hold very important positions of power who have strong pyschopathic tendencies.

I read on another Mental health forum of the "new" fad, and thats people mental health shopping online, they try and find a mental illness that they can then use to excuse themselves from life. I think when someone as sick as the VT killer hits the news then those that are really still quite in control of their facitites but "want" to own a mental illness then feel a kind of "disappointment", that after all they aren't as ill as they want to believe.

I think what AS said in her first post, those with serious mental disablitiys would not be able to sit and post as rational and coherently as most of us do.

I'm not sure what others feel about this, but from my own past I know I wanted to much sicker then I am, which isn't a healthier sign in itself, but its a truth.

I think those that have a real serious mental illness don't own up to it, refuse to seek help. Its those that are a concern I feel.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
They were seriously mentally ill! IMHO, they were "criminally insane"! That goes way beyond "mentally ill", don't you think? I do!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Way beyond "mentally ill"? "Way beyond" the "average mentally ill" person, yes, absolutely. Mentally ill, nonetheless! I don't understand how one cannot see that they are not.

AS

I actually understand where you are coming from, mouse. Sometimes, I feel as though I hold on to my "state" at times, because I am afraid of being "normal" and all that it applies. Hard to explain, but I have become "comfortable" in my illness and any change to that upsets the status quo of my life. Even those around me get a little confused as to what to do, as they too, have become comfortable with my behaviours, emotional ups and downs, etc. (Not implying that they will always be accepting of this though).

I think it is just another aspect of my illness that I have to fight. Habits are very hard to break.

AS

I think the media is increasing the stigma of mental illness by identifying (as they have done in our local paper) a person who commits a horrible crime as bipolar. They don't say if he was not on meds for the condition so I feel really afraid that anyone I work or socialize with would find out I am bipolar. Would they think I might be a ticking time bomb?

I agree with the others who stated that I can be a danger to myself (with suicide attempts), but I have never been a danger to others. But think of Andrea Yates--I don't think she could control her delusions. What if that were to happen to me? I know my mother (who was bp) had scary behaviors & delusions about us kids...but she committed suicide so I don't know how bad she could have gotten. Scary to have the term "mental illness" applied to yourself. Here at the Dept. of Motor Vehicles they ask (when I was renewing my driver's license) if I had been treated for a mental illness. Of course, I said "no" & felt really nervous should the truth come out. So having a mental illness somehow affects whether you get a license or not.--Suzy I definitely think it should disallow you from getting a gun, but someone determined to get a gun just has to lie like I did at the DMV.

Hmmmm....I wonder what would have happened if you would have stated you had a mental illness?

Would your licence be revoked or restricted in some way? I'm bettin' you would have been put on a "watch list" of sorts (meaning, if you were ever stopped, it would show up on their system).

It's a conspiracy!!!! A good one though, if used properly. Here, in Canada (or maybe just the city I live in, when an ambulance is called about a possible unstable person, the police always accompany them. I have found that they are much more sympathetic towards those individual when helping to diffuse / gain control of the crisis situation (yet cautious for their own safety - a good thing, as well).

My condolences to you re: your mum. Very tragic.

Altered State

I'm not sure what would have happened if I said "yes" to having been treated for a mental illness. I think maybe they wouldn't give me a license thinking I was impaired as a driver.

The stigma is great on having a mental illness, but can you blame people for being afraid when the situations occur when a mentally unstable person goes on a rampage? It's just hard to think of it as having an illness like diabetes that needs constant medication--diabetics once in a while go into low blood sugar & act irrationally but it seems to be more understood & forgiven.

Thanks for the condolences in regards to my mother. She was from NZ so seeing the word "Mum" probably describes what she wanted to be rather than the cold word "mother". I think in her lucid moments she wanted to be a "MUM." She was in such emotional & mental pain that it was actually a relief --hard to say, but we kids were spared further abuse from her. I now understand it was her illness & not "her" that acted that way. I just wish I had known "her."--Suzy

I agree suzy that there is still some stigma attached to having a mental illness but mainly from people who have not known it or been close to anyone suffering from it.NO one can really understand unless they have "been" there.LIke everything in life often we fear what we dont know.

However there has been considerable change in attitude over the last 30 odd years.I think its alot to do with education and learning from those who suffer from the particular affliction.Years ago nobody even talked about mental illness,it seemed too scarey but now that people have been able to be more open about it attitudes have changed for the better,,thank goodness!!!!

I was also sorry to read about your mum.I am a mum in NZ so was poignant to me.

Take care...mandy

My heart cries for you and for your mother. Maybe death was her way of sparing you more pain. I would certainly think that way; it is why I never had children...

I miss her for you...She probably wanted to be a wonderful mother...that's what I choose to believe.

AS