me too, grrrrr

I didn't even think of the moon. I bet that's part of it. I was having chest pains for a couple of years off and on. Then I found out it was panic attacks. I was so embarrassed. I thought I was having heart problems.
The past couple of days have been a bugger! I've been afraid to leave the house or talk to anyone on the phone. My electricity is gioig to be limited tomorrow because I can't pay the bill until Monday. And I can only do that because I'm borrowing from next month. My daughter's father won't pay child support but he'll send money so she can go to camp. Well, hello? Obviously I'll have to use the money for food. My past is alive and freaking me out. I'm afraid to sleep but know I have to because I have to drive an hour to my counselor's office in the AM.
I called the social worker who helps me out and she never called me back today until I called and said, Hey I never got a call. It feels like it did when I was a kid. I look like I'm doing really well so no one worries. Then when I really need help and ask for it I get blown off. I'm so tired of having to "perform" like a loon to get any help. Can't I just ask for help with dignity and still get it????? ARG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Enough whining and I know this is too long. I do have good news. All this angst is pushing me to begin my book. I'm getting some good stuff. I'm excited about that....ARG though still.....
Annie

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Alm}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} You've taken a page out of my own life; having to perform to get the needed attention, not being heard, everyone thinking that you're doing just great and don't need help, etc., etc. Hopefully, you're therapist is helping you with new and better coping mechanisms.

Have a good session, ok?




<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

Writing a book? Cool!
Grrrrr at the social worker
I hope the session with your counselor goes well!!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{alm}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Take care,
Fuzzy