e-mail from my Father

I just got an e-mail from my Father tonight. It really put me in the pits. I was already feeling a little out of sorts because my daughter and I are still doing the pre-teen/parent dance. But in my Father's e-mail he wrote to us about his will. He's had a miraculous recovery from congestive heart failure. It's been a couple of years now since they said he had a couple of days and was on hospice. He was my primary abuser and when I feel sadness about his passing it confuses me. Sometimes when I think of him as my Father, it's surreal. I've forgiven him for a lot that he has done, But I don't know how to interact with him anymore. He's still incredably sick. He's still my Father and I'm really freekin confused!

I am not sure how to answer this, but I am thinking of you ... ((((((((((((alm))))))))))))

Take care,
Fuzzy

This sounds so complicated. Are you in therapy now? Surely would be a good time to be, if it's possible. It must be so difficult to sort out the feelings of wanting to love your daddy the way the little girl in all of us wants to, with the anger for what he did. So much confusion sounds perfectly normal to me!

I'm so sorry you have to go through pain now.

Emmy

"Language is a Trojan horse by which the universe gets into the mind. ." -- Hugh Kenner

Thank you for letting me know you care Fuzzy.

Emmy, Yes. I'm in therapy. Thank you for writing how I'm feeling so clearly. That is exactly why I'm so confused. That and trying to figure out if I can have this person in my life so if he passes I will at least have had some positive time with him. Thank you also for letting me know it makes sense that I'm confused. I needed to hear that.

Thank you both! Annie

Alm, I understand how you feel. I've had to deal with those exact feelings myself. Like Emily said, it would be a great time to be in therapy. Maybe the issues you have with your father need to be taken out again, aired out and sorted out before he's not here anymore.

When there are issues between a parent and a child, the greiving period can be so much harder if those issues aren't resolved as best as possible.

It's normal to be confused. It's okay. Acceptance of both the good and the bad in your dad can help a whole lot. He's human and is given to both good and bad behavior. Humans are a package deal. We don't have to like parts of them but it's okay to love the rest.

I don't know if knowing how he was treated as a child will help you. It didn't me but it has helped my husband as he sees his dad slip away. He's never confronted his dad, but his dad has told him much of how his young life was. It has put a lot of things into perspective for my husband.

Hope this helps you some.





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>