I don't know if I'm communicating well

I'm baffled. I think I'm pretty good at explaining myself. Especially in writing, or if I plan out what to say.
But recently, and in fact going back years, my boyfriend has been telling me I don't make sense.
I have no frame of reference to tell if I'm really not making sense, or if he just doesn't get it.

Like today. I've been gathering information in preparation to go to a psychiatrist for over a month now. There are so many things to think about, symptoms, conditions, etc etc that I decided I need to get down to the bottom line and make a list of practical issues -- that is, how my feelings and thoughts and problems cause actual problems, like not performing well at work.
I have a few, but I know sometimes it takes fresh eyes. I've particularly come to realize lately that a lot of things I do or think aren't normal, but I've never known because to me it's normal. So I asked my boyfriend if he could add any other ones, and he told me he didn't understand. So I backtracked and tried to explain as simply as possible that I want to see a therapist to help me change unhealthy behaviors, so I need to know what behaviors need to be changed. He just repeated that it didn't make sense, and I can't think of another way to say it.
He says my priorities are out of order because I've already decided what kind of therapy I want: CBT or something like it. But I chose that type because it focuses on changing behaviors, which is exactly what I want to do, which is why I want to be able to tell the therapist exactly what behaviors I want to change.

When I ask him things like this he just seems to shut down. This time he said "I don't know what these people are supposed to do for you, so I can't help you." And he always sounds angry about it. Today he even called me "obsessed" over the therapist issue. I may be spending more time planning than many people might, but I do have OCPD, and to me "obsession" is when you spend too much time worrying about something that doesn't really matter, or can't be changed. I don't see this as obsessing, because it's something I should give a lot of thought to.

I just don't get it. The exact words I used (I think): "I want them to help me change the behaviors that are problems, so I want to be able to tell them what behaviors need to change, and I thought you might be able to think of some I didn't."
Does that really not make sense? Is this my problem or his?

Hello SoScorpio: Well... I certainly understand what you're talking about. My view is that those around us... family, friends, etc. really don't want anything to do with our mental health issues. They have their own problems & they'd really prefer we just kept ours to ourselves. So from my perspective, what I would suggest is going on here is that your bf really just doesn't want anything to do with any of this. And his responses to your questions are his way of avoiding having to be involved. The anger you're sensing is the result of his feeling that he has been unable to figure out a way to escape. I suppose this is a bit of a harsh analysis. But it is my perspective based on my personal experience.

You may be overthinking this a little-you are right that it is very important to know what you want to work on, but every time I have set goals with a therapist they only have (allow) 3 things. Other things can get added in as they come up, but for now all you have to do is identify the top few items. When you get those mastered you can work on other things, but I think you will find that working on 3 specific things sometimes helps with other behaviors.

Another thing that you might want to consider is that the psychiatrist will probably be mostly thinking about what meds will help you. They will probably have a good idea about what works for OCPD as well as for any other issues you may have. Most pdocs don't do much therapy and once you get your meds figured out you will probably see your pdoc every 3 or 6 months. So it might be a good idea to seek out a therapist who specializes in CBT. Your pdoc may have some suggestions about who to see. I just don't want you getting all psyched up to talk about treatment goals and behaviors when the pdoc will probably be mostly interested in symptoms.

Hi SoScorpio,

I (likely) had OCPD as well as some other personality disorder issues. I don't think we're supposed to post links to other support forums here on PC, but there is a long-standing OCPD support website if you want to do an internet search for it. It could be that just reading some of the posts there might help. Obviously, I like PC because there are so many different forums.

In addition here is a comprehensive description about personality disorders which I found helpful:

https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/...ity-disorders/

It kind of addresses the questions you posed here, I think. PM me if you like.

Also, maybe your boyfriend just likes you as you are!

Wishing you the best.