Some Good Thoughts Would Do...

Long post, sorry..

I joined PC last fall after being discharged from the hospital. I went back in September for 2 weeks (involuntary) because I had knives in my purses at the pdocs office. My estranged husband was also diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer at the same time which had spread to the lungs and liver. I went back in the hospital in October and there was no one available to watch the kids. My husband was preparing to have his surgery and it was during the work day so all my acquaintances were at work. My T thought it was very important to go so we placed my kids with Children and Youth services for a "short" time. I was in the hospital for a short time, and then resided in a residential program for 34 days as a step down from the hospital. Since my children were in care, I was no longing receiving there SS benefits and had to move to a much smaller place in December. During this time, my hubby had his surgery and I had came to stay with him a few days several times. We were seriously considering reconcilling. I guess when you are faced with death you take a whole different look at things. I went back in the hospital in January for a few days. In February, there was a knock at my apartment door. It was 2 police officers who had a warrant for my arrest! It seems I had been charged and arrested for a DUI in 2003 and never showed up for court. I have no excuses or reason, but I can honestly say I DON"T remember it. While I was being "processed", they found another outstanding warrant from 11 years prior for a bad check for $100. After being released from the county (no bail, just own recognizance) I spent 12 hours in the city jail (and this is a BAD city) before being released on my own recognizance. I moved back here with my husband immediately and obtained an attorney, By the way, this is the state where all the charges are. We went to court in April to get the kids back, but the judge said since I had moved out of state, the case would have to be transferred to my new residence. The kids stay where they are, but the paperwork came here. Meanwhile my husband has been taking chemo for 6 months and is doing great. I found a new T and Pdoc here and made some pretty radical medication changes, but they seem to be working beautifully. The county social work came out here the other day to do individual interviews with Steve and I. She took family, medical and criminal histories as well as how our relationship/marriage has been for the past 10 years. I have left my husband several times over the past 6 years due to my emotional instability. He really is a good person. So, at the interview we had some questions. She said due to my extensive mental health hospitalizations, illnesses, instability, and Steves previous criminal records (25+years ago) and his substance abuse (he got 2 duis 4 years ago) we probably won't get the kids back, and we would probably have a better chance if we moved back to where I was since it was a much smaller town and their protocol for reuniting families is much more lenient. Crushed is an understatement. I immediately called the lawyer in the other state who had been court appointed to help with the case. He was flabbergasted! I have court this Monday (25th) for my DUI. There is a strong possibility I may have some jail time because I had 2 duis in 1988. The lawyer said if I don't get jail time, call him right away, he will have the probation and such transferred up there. Steve has 2 more weeks of chemo and then we will move up there. All of his family and friends are here, and neither one of us have a driver license or car. He is pretty angry at me right now. He said he doesn't want to leave the best job he ever had. They held the job for him the past 8 months while he has been disabled. Its much too far for anyone to pick him up everyday. His network of friends are very close. We are seeing the kids this weekend. We'll pick them up at 9 on Sunday and drop them off about 6. Depending on the outcome of Monday, it may be my last contact with them for a while. Then, it would be up to Steve to move into the old place and start the reunification process up there. That may be hard since he isn't my 11 year old daughter biological father.

Anywho, thats it..I was going to PM a few peeps, but thought it would do just as well to lay it all out here. The guilt I have been feeling is immense and has taken me over the past several days. What I wouldn't do for a couple drinks! I welcome any thoughts, opinions, suggestions, but please no sympathy or empathy. I really don't deserve it!

Take care,
Dee

Incredible story--don't have any suggestions since I'm not familiar with child custody issues & old warrants or charges that haven't been resolved. Glad you're back.--Suzy

Wish there was something I could say other than "Good Luck," but there's not. I'm sorry.

Sounds like you surely have a lot on your plate right now.

I'm glad you husband is doing well with his chemo and is on the road to recovery. That's wonderful news.

The only suggestions I can make at this time are to do exactly what is expected of you by the courts and from the Social Worker and DCYF. Keep a log of everything that is asked of you, and keep it up to date with everything you have done that they have asked you to do. Dates, times, people you have spoken to, etc.

This will show that you are willing to work to reunify your family. In most states, that's what the courts are looking for, people who are doing everything they can to rectify their past issues and provide a loving and stable home for their children. Get yourselves into some parenting classes, keep up to date on how your children at doing. It may be a long process before you get your children back so be prepared for that. Make sure you are both in therapy and or go to AA to get past your alcohol issues. Anything that you can do to show how serious you are about reunifying your family will help tremendously. This is not the time to sit back and just let things happen......because they won't happen in a positive outcome for you and your family.

I hope and pray you can all work through this. It will be hard, it will be frustrating. I'm sending you postive thoughts and strength your way!

Hugssss
J

hon do you have any family willing to take the kids for now and foster them? I would hate to see you lose the kids over this. it sure sounds like you and Steve have been thru alot the last few months. I hope and pray everything works out for you and your family.

Hi Dee,
You sure are going through a lot right now! I'm glad your husband is on the mend.

I don't have any good advice for you whatsoever, but I wanted to let you know that I read every word you wrote and that I am sending you warm thoughts and encouragement to stay in the fight.
Take care,
Okie

You know what you’ve to do mybest,

I agree with sabau, what they have done is give you a brief outline, a basic if you will, of things that you will have to do to have the chance to get your kids back, don’t just do the basic, get other outside agencies on your side to help you when you go to court again to fight for them,

it shows willing on your part to do whatever it takes to get your kids back, also like has already been mentioned, document everything, even phone calls, time, date, conversation ect, take note of any questions asked of you by the different agencies, has they do ask the same questions in different guises, more than once, to try and trip you up if your responses vary,

what I am basically saying is be prepared for anything, you do have a big fight on your hands here, no matter what happens DO NOT “lose it” in the courts if in the prelims you feel like you are not going forward in anyway, hold it in til you get home, or at least til you get away from the court, because they will all be watching you to gauge your response to dealing with pressure, do not give them anymore fuel than what they already have

Just hang in there mybest, and keep us informed has you go threw the processes

OH my! You are going "through the mill" aren't you! Now don't compound the problem by drinking again

Do what you know to be the right thing(s) to do. You have made good progress I think, in self care and in trying to rebuild a family. It might take time, and yes, while the children do continue to grow, it's best to build a base for them for the entire future too!

I am glad the chemo is working. Yes, things in life can appear rather small compared to something like that!

Do your best. You can't change all of it. You can do what is right for now, and the future and keep moving on.

Sabau seems to have outlined some good steps for you to follow.

From being in AA, I know that people will get the leaders to sign off on attendance there, too, to present to judges and parole officers.

Best wishes for a positive outcome.