What's wrong with me?

I hope this is the right place to post. If it isn't, I apologize.

So to sum it up, I get jealous a lot. Basically, I get jealous of basically everyone. I never feel emotions of happiness or sadness. I feel apathetic most of the time, unless I'm jealous. I'm aware that no one gives a **** about me. I feel like I did something horrible in a past life to end up this way (without positive emotion, without loving parents, without a happy childhood, without talent, without skills, without intelligence, without money, without looks). It's very hard for me not to think of the things I that I don't have. I feel like everything is pointless since we're all going to die anyway. It's also pointless because I don't care about anything and no one cares about anything I do. I hate being around people. I hate seeing how everyone's life is better than mine in some sort of way. I hate seeing how I was and will always be treated differently and unfairly because I was born as myself. I just hate everything about my life because I really don't have anything or anyone to look forward to. I just want to cut myself off from everyone, and just be left alone forever.

I feel this way because even though I went to college, I studied abroad, I managed jobs and internships, leadership positions, and etc... I was still a social pariah for whatever reason. No one in my family cared. They were just always mad at me. They told me I would fail college, I would never go abroad, I would end up homeless, that I'm worthless, fat... that I should live my life this way and that way. I could go on. Yet my other siblings are treated extremely different. They're treated with love and compassion. Their every need is attended to, if they have a recital/game/performance there's always someone there, someone will always call to check up on them. Where as I was out of the country for three months and it was a burden for both my parents to listen/talk to me for ten minutes. What made it even worse was everyone around me was talking about how much their parents care about them, how their parents are worried about them, and etc... Both my parents are separated, but on both sides they've managed to treat me like ****. I've been made fun of, consistently verbally abused, sometimes physically abused, and neglected as a minor. I feel like there's so much **** that happened to me as a child, that I just never had a fair advantage in life or even a chance really. Everything I wanted to do as child/teen, I never had the chance. I even had to beg just to be allowed to go to one tutoring session, but ended up not getting any other tutoring because I couldn't handle the verbal abuse/hate that came along with my ride afterwards (my mother). My dad wanted me to file for emancipation, so he didn't have to pay for child support. My dad and his wife always went on vacations without me but included their children. They said they didn't want me there because I would ruin it. Ironically, my mom has made similar statements. These behaviors by my parents have been happening since I was a child. I know it's not the worst thing in the world, but I still can't shake the feeling that I don't have any relatives that actually care or are concerned for me. And it hurts a lot.

I'll stop here. I don't even know where I'm going with this.
Anyway, from the first paragraph is there anyway to identify what's wrong with me?

Hello,

You definitely have horrible parents, that's all I can say. I can definitely empathize, and I am really sorry that your parents let you down in so many ways.

I personally don't believe in past lives, but even if such thing exists and you did wrong in your past life, this is the life that counts now and no one deserves the treatment you've got from the people who were supposed to love you, care for you and give you a good start in life.

Human beings are given the ability to breed just like any other animal, but very few can actually be a proper parent and raise a child using the minimal parenting standards or requirements. You happen to be another example of a child raised by abusive and inept "parents", unfortunately. And so am I, and so many others...

As for your impression that everyone else's lifes are better than yours, well, you'd be surprised how good people are at keeping up appearances. You can only speak for the ones you really know personally (your siblings, for example), but it would be unfair to assume that everybody else has an easy ride just because they apparently have everything going for them.

You certainly don't deserve the terrible parents you have. I hope you find the strength to keep on fighting your way through this, and I also hope that you manage to get help for yourself.

Please wait for other member's input on this, they may be able to advise you on treatments and where to find help.

Take care.

NO surprise! Detached Personality maybe because u seem to have had a tough upbining, or is that the way u see it? Of course depression, disassociation, the list goes on and lots of therapy to get off the Personality D/O.
All that being said, I'm sorry your life has been on a ice skid down hill most of your life. BUT WE ALL MAKE CHOICES. Make the choice to take care of yourself by being test to check all problems may be having,
Don't be embarrassed. I'm a therapist and had to suck it up and go in! It's not that bad but most of all I broke down, went to see my own therapist and got better. Don't think that once you've gone through therapy that life will be all roses and puppies. It won't. U will have a plan and plenty of times fail but each time u get up, maybe go back to your therapist (been there did that) and "talk" some more. Make sure u have the right psychotherapist!