[chardorrie]

I feel alone. I found out this year that someone very close to me molested me when we were kids. And I forgave them externally, but internally I feel hurt and confused. I've always had a strong sexual appetite, bordering on addiction, probably addiction. It has gotten in the way of relationships, but I always took it as incompatibility.
Now I feel unsure of everything. I feel like I have always suffered from some form of anxiety or depression, but I always kept most feelings to myself. But they feel like they're taking over. I can't just watch tv and play a game and get distracted. The unease is always lurking.
I'm in a relationship with a great guy, but I'm always worried about something or unhappy. Everything has to be going a certain way, our apartment has to be clean, we have to spend a certain amount of time enjoying each other's company or I feel like everything is going wrong. And he wants to understand but he doesn't. Probably because I don't really understand everything that is going on with me mentally.
I don't know which way is up anymore. I want to be strong. I want to have the courage to make my dreams come true, but I feel so limited, so insignificant. I want help but I don't feel capable of going through the effort. My debts are piling up, my job bores me but pays well. I feel overwhelmed and tired. I wish the worries would disappear. I dont know how to cope with adulthood.
I've tried seeking professional help, but I never felt comfortable enough to completely open up. Every suggestion she gave sounded like something I'm not ready to try. I feel like a turtle trapped in my shell. I want to come out, but the world outside my shell is too scary.

[Dont_Follow]

I think you need to shop around with therapists until you find one that you can talk to naturally and comfortably. You don't need to jump to the hard conversations right off the bat, start small instead. Whatever you do, don't let it all fester inside you.

chardorrie,

You're probably just experiencing a stronger than "usual" sexual attraction. That happens. Why's that? No one knows, but it's usually someone who has been or is soon to go through Tennessee.

That sounds like a crazed conspiracy theory, doesn't it? That's what I thought when I first noticed these connections between:

1. People who have a strong, strong (but not uncontrollable) sex drive;
2. People who have gone through, or are soon to go through, or may go through a serious accident, or serious surgery in the state of Tennessee. It may not even be an accident or surgery. Just a thought that may become strong connection to the state.

Yep, it sounds crazy. Actually, I first noticed this "too strange to be a coincidence" in college. I don't recall if the OP even said anything about Tennessee. Or even if there was a lake or other large body of water. I should have answered while looking at the first post! Now I'll post and read the post properly and delete anything that doesn't ring true.

EDIT: BECAUSE I WAS LOOKING LIKE AN ***!
Okay, nothing about TN, POSTER IS FROM PA.
Nothing about any ocean or large body of water.

Nothing about Tennessee (I can't figure where I got that one from! Or a large body of water...). But if you've sought mental health care previously and the services that you received weren't what you expected, I would contact your health insurance provider, answer their questions, let them know what's going on with you and ask if they could recommend a physician. I know that it's difficult to believe anything that I say, now, but I have experience as a patient, at least!

Personally, I don't believe that after one appointment you'll be able to to find a man or woman that you'll be willing to trust so, if I were you, I would be prepared to visit 5 or 6 psychs.

Sorry for the initial confusion – I just had to get my ducks in a row!

[BDPpartner]

It took my other half quite a few false starts before he found a T that he could even attempt to start trusting and when he did find someone that he felt didn't make him feel intimidated or judged it still took months for him to be able to start opening up. Good luck

chardorrie,

If my little 'flip-out' didn't scare you away (and I really hope that it didn't – I don't know where some of these things come from but they're coming harder and faster of late) then I would strongly recommend that you listen to BDPP – much more the voice of reason than I around here.

I'm not certain that my ducks are aligned even now. I've been trying to get in touch with my therapist for well over a week but he's not calling back. When I get to the point of feeling worthless and alone, I tend to crack and that's something that I can't take again.

BDPP is also right about the process that you much go through before allowing your therapist to be the designated driver. I had an appointment this morning. I called and cancelled my ride first and then, when the office opened, called and cancelled my appointment. As usual, I asked for a return call and, as usual, didn't receive one.

I'm hard-core bad right now. I don't have anyone to call. I don't know why I think that calling would do any good.

God I hope that my crazy response didn't send you packing. That's the price of asking a lunatic for help, I guess. We're very available whenever you like but you have to take a chance that we're not quite cured yet.

[chardorrie]

I think my last experience with therapy has me weary of the whole process. She wasn't a bad therapist. She just got busy and it began to get hard to make an appointment that worked for me. Plus, it was expensive.
I know I could get help paying, but that's another long process. Things keep getting tacked to the list. I feel overwhelmed causing me to want to stop trying to solve this problem.

[chardorrie]

Everyday the list of things I want to do grows. It's overwhelming. Everything feels important. I don't know where to start. It never feels like I have time for fun and productivity.
Therapy seems like the only option everyone is giving me, but finding a therapist is tedious, especially because I will need help from the government to pay for it. I don't feel motivated to put myself out there again unless I'm having an "episode". These are excuses, I know, but knowing isn't making it any easier for me to take action. Most of the time it feels easier to pretend nothing is wrong.
Thanks for all your support everyone.