[tranquility]

I'm just so tired of trying. I have been doing everything I am suppose to do. Taking my meds, handling the depression, etc. I have fibromyalgia and have been in a flare up since February. It makes my depression ten times worse,

But, I have been keeping a stiff upper lip. Doing everything I'm told to do: new diet (lost 35 pounds so far), hypnotherapy, chiropractic work, massage therapy, etc......

The pain has been getting worse in my right hip. I have now gone for blood work, a plain film xray, and EMG of my right leg, and an MRI. All tests are completely F.I.N.E.!!! Most people would be happy but I'm so angry. I want them to find something so they can fix it.

But it always comes back to "it's fibromyalgia" which has no cure and you basically learn to live with the pain forever. I had accepted this a month or so ago -started the hypnotherapy for pain mgmt and I'm enjoying it.

But after doing everything I am suppose to do and keeping a fairly good attitude - my pain is increasing. When the docs office called today to say the MRI was normal I just started to cry. I asked to speak to the doctor but he was with a patient. So the lady asks what I want to talk to him about - well if I wanted to talk to her I would have already told her right????

Anyhow - tell her the whole story of how my chiro thinks I have trochanectric bursitis in my hip and that sometimes regular physical therapy with ultrasound significantly helps. So I wanted the docs opinion and would he recommend the PT.

So now she's writing this all down - everytime she asks me to repeat the message she starts to talk when I start to talk. I'm on a cell phone so we cancel each other out. I finally get my phone number out and explain. She says, "so you already went for PT and you want what"? ARRRRGGGG - No, I want to know if he recommends PT!!

She finally gets it and says she'll give him the message. I ask if he will call me back today. She says well it's 3:45 and he'll be done with his patient by 4:15 so he will call you back today. It's now 11:26 p.m. - I guess he's not calling me back today?

I guess I just need to whine. I feel like I put all this effort into making myself well physically and mentally and for every step forward I take I go back 3 steps. Not to mention i'm going broke because all this alternative treatment with my meds and doctors visits is costing me $500 a month after insurance - I've maxed my credit cards and can't go much further.

I'm just scared that I will end up not being able to walk because I'm having so much trouble with it now and it's getting worse. I feel like I'm going to have to start going back to using a cane and I'm only 42 years old. I had a knee replacement three years ago so I could walk, and now this!

I'm sorry - I'm just so upset tonight.

Tranquility

[EJ711]

Tranquility,

It sounds like you have a lot going on! I'm sorry you are in so much pain. Sounds like you're in so much pain, it may be hard to think straight.

I just turned 60, and am getting slightly concerned about getting back on my feet again too.

Feel free to PM me. Maybe we can console and hold each other up.

EJ

((((tranquility))))

my dear friend i am sooo sorry you are going through this. My heart reaches out to you and if i could i would carry this for you for awhile just so you could rest. I know you are frustrated and that is not hard to get with doctors. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers always. Know we are here to hold you up when things seem so heavy that you cannot carry it alone, we will help encourage and hold your hand. You are not alone dear and i am listening to your every word. Keep your head up. i love you much friend.

purplesecrets

[Wants2Fly]

Hi there Tranquility -- It's tough to endure chronic pain, and I have gone through periods of it myself.

Chin up. As several of my physicians remind me -- Just remember, the alternative (death).

(((((((((((((((Tranquility))))))))))))))

[sassypants]

I am really sorry that you are going through all this pain
and still no relief. I give you lots of credit for trying all
those alternatives. I had severe migraine headaches for
about 8 months.It took 4,000. and 5 doctors to figure out
how to fix it. I went to a pain mgt. doctor. He is my miracle
doctor!

Doctors that return calls are very rare for me. I was having
problems myself, about two mo's ago. So after 8 phone
messages, that could have been resolved by the nurse,
giving me the message would have helped. But no,
I had to go in person and request to talk to the dr. I expected for her to come to the window or pull me aside
to tell me the results of my test and to prescibe another
medication for osteoproris. They took advantage of me
and put me in a room, so I had to dish out $135.00 for
something that could have resolved by phone. I am unemployed at this time so I know that your money and mine is limited.
I will keep you in my prayers and hope you find relief soon.
Please don't say your sorry, you have a right to vent and
get it resolved. YOU Have Been through a lot.
Good luck and take care.

[tranquility]

{{{{{{{{EJ711 - Purplesecrets - Wants2fly - Sassypants}}}}}}}}

Thank you guys so much. It's been another one of those days! So I talked to the doc today and he confirmed the MRI was completely normal. I asked what my options are since it's getting worse. He said injections - I said of what - he said cortisone. Well I had an injection in each hip 2 years ago when I was diagnosed and it lasted for 3 days so that is out.

He initially agreed with the PT and ultrasound since my chiro thinks it could be trochanteric bursitis. Then he called back a few minutes later and I answered crying like a baby and he said I see you had a plain film xray of your hip and it showed a fibroma. Did you have anyone check it? I reminded him that when we spoke a couple of weeks ago that I had the orthopod look at it and he blew me off and acted like I was a hypocondriac.

So, now he didn't want be to have ultrasound until I had a repeat xray of that spot. I thought I had the xray a few weeks ago but it was actually May 4th. So he wanted a new xray to make sure it didn't change and I agreed I would go in tomorrow on my lunch to have it done.

Five minutes later my phone rings again with his office number. This time it is his secretary and she said Dr. Rafal apologizes he knows you've been going back and forth on the phone. But, he wants you to have a bone scan instead. He wants to be sure there is nothing wrong with the bones at all. So next Tuesday I go for the bone scan. I guess I get there at 11 am and they inject me with dye and then I hang out for a couple of hours and go back to have the scan.

I guess this will be it, after this there is nothing else to do except try to learn to live with it and hope I don't end up using a cane again. I had my knee replaced 3 years ago at 39 years old so I could walk and now I can't walk again.

I'm so tired, frustrated, angry, sad, depressed. I'm trying to stay positive but it's getting very hard!

To top this all off I'm driving home from work right after talking to him and I'm heading to the chiropractors office. I get stopped for speeding By the time the cop gets to my window I am sobbing hysterically. He asks for license, registration, proof of insurance. He then says he clocked me doing 70 in a 45 (it was a road that's like a highway but they put this ridiculously low speed limit on it). Of course I have a radar detector - it's going off - but I had the sound off

He asks where I'm going - I sob out the chiropractor that I just got off the phone with my doctor because I'm having alot of medical issues and it's been a bad day. So he says driving like that won't help right? So now he goes to his car - I call the chiro office and speak to the receptionist who I'm friends with. Crying my eyes out - she says don't worry about being late.

Cop comes back and says, I'm giving you a citation, but I'm writing it at the state minimum (1 - 10 miles over the speed limit) and it's an $85.00 fine. But, you have an excellent driving record so I recommend that you go to court and plead good driving record and they will dismiss the ticket and you will pay court costs. If he hadn't written it that way the ticket would have been $225.00 and I wouldn't have been able to claim good driver.

By the time I got to the chiro I was a mess! He said - don't worry I'm here till 6:00, go in the back room and get in the massage chair and cry awhile. So I did then he gave me my adjustment.

I called my regular T last night that I haven't seen since I started hynotherapy (due to money) and set up an appointment for next week - feel like I'm crashing.

Tranquility

[sabby]

((((((((((((((((((((((((tranquility))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time right now. Doesn't always seem to be the way that when you are down, something comes along to kick you a bit more....*sigh*

Hon, you will get through all this and I pray the bone scan gives you some information that can help. I'll keep you in my prayers and send you strength and healing thoughts.

Take good care dear.

xoxoxo
J

[tranquility]

Thanks Jean

I went to an AA meeting tonight to get some perspective and I feel better, just totally drained. I was able to at least think of a couple of positive things that happened today and I wouldn't have been able to do that when I was drinking, so that's a good thing.

I appreciate your support and I can use all the prayers I can get.

Tranquility

[sabby]

OHhhhh...good for you for going to the meeting!! That was the best thing to do. I'm glad you found some good things to think about...they are always there no matter how bad we are feeling.

You have my support and prayers always. I completely understand how you feel.

Get some much needed and deserved rest if you can. Hopefully tomorrow, things will be brighter.

Hugggs
Jean

(((( tranquility ))))

I am sending positive vibes your way, tranquility.

I'm so impressed that you were able to rise above all the negative long enough to go to your meeting. That takes a lot of strength and determination.

Good for you!

[tranquility]

Thanks Jean and Petunia! I so appreciate the postive reinforcement. I'm a bit drained today from all the crying yesterday but I'm okay - which is not as good as great but much better than miserable

Tranquility

[January]

(((((((((( Tranquility ))))))))))

I am so sorry you're in such pain and that you're not being treated right by your Dr. I have fibro, too and I understand that sometimes it's hard just to get out of bed in the mornings.

I want to tell you that a low carb/high protein helps the pain tremendously. I don't know why. I only know it works.

I hope you feel better very soon.

Hugs,

Jan

<font color="#000088">I can understand how you feel with being in constant pain,it's very difficult,I deal with it to. My Doctors in California diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia, but then when my burnt out Doctor here in Utah that doesn't seem to have a clue,didn't agree,he took it off my chart. So I'm getting pain Management for my other spinal issues,but he's completely ignoring the Fibromyalgia issue.So I can certainly understand your frustration with the doctors office as well. But for as long as you've held on,and spent so much trying alternative treatments,it really shows that you are really motivated as a person to get through this,and not give up.
I really respect you for that.Chronic pain is really hard to live with,and with the perseverence that you have gone through so far.I really think that you can make it.I'm just sorry that you had such a horrible day,these days happen.But the positive side is,you got through it alive,and you made progress in the end.So give yourself a hug for that. And hey,as upset as you were,at least you stopped when the officer tried to pull you over. Kudos for that!!
((((((((((Tranquility))))))))))
J</font>

[tranquility]

{{{{{{{{Jan}}}}}}}}}

thank you! I do try to get as much protein as I can because I had gastric bypass and my protein is always a bit low anyway. It's tough to get alot of protein without alot of calories!

Tranquility

[tranquility]

Thank you {{{{{{{{{Justice}}}}}}}}}}}

It's funny I went to my AA meeting last night and I said at least I'm sober - if I wasn't the cop would have put me in the pokey!!!!

Tranquility

<font color="#000088">Well,the worse mistake I've ever made in my life,was when I had,had a really bad day like your's,and everything was just going wrong. And the next thing you know the cops are trying to pull me over,and I hadn't broken any traffic laws. I was so mad that I didn't stop, I am now on probation for 3 years over it and just made things so much worse because I let my anger get me into even more trouble. I almost got 5 years in prison over it! So I do commend you for stopping,I wish I would have been able to just control my anger better and just stop. But I just didn't want to talk to anybody,I was so upset,and look where it got me. In all kinds of trouble. I had a really decent record before that to! It was sooooo stupid! And I was sober,I don't even drink! I was just having a very horrible day like yours,and that just topped it off!It was very stupid of me!</font>

[DePressMe]

My mother has fibromyalgia so I am familiar with the pain and frustration. I wish I could do something for you. I am kinda at a loss for words because it sounds as if you are doing everything you can to take care of yourself. Hang in there...

[January]

((((((((( Tranquility ))))))))))

Try to get a tiny George Foreman grill. I have the sandwich size one. I use it to grill portions of chicken. It's boneless and skinless and very low cal. I don't really like meat, but another alternative is tofu.

Hugs,

Jan

[selfy]

awww tranquility... sounds like youare having one of those bad days dont worry, there is always tomorrow. it is a shame that u r in pain. i hope the docs work something out to make it better. wishing u well
take care all
self

[splitimage]

(((tranquillity)))

I'm sorry that you're in so much pain and having to deal with so many medical things. That's hard. But good for you for going to the AA meeting, at least you did something positive.

Take care, and I hope that you get some relief soon.

---splitimage

[tranquility]

{{{{{{Jan, Selfy, Split}}}}}}

You guys are fabulous and what a difference it makes to have someone who cares about my pain. Most people don't want to hear it so I don't say anything, but you guys are there to support me - it is so appreciated.

Tranquility

[(JD)]

I find a good T who is skilled in working with pain patients helps in many ways. Chronic pain does more than just hurt physically...it affects every aspect of our lives, and always brings depression along with it.

I fully feel your frustration and pain... flares are the worst! With all I'm doing for my trip next week, it's all I can do to not add worry about a flare up to the mix.

Sending you calming energy... to help ease your flare.

[tranquility]

Thank you Sky It's such a catch-22, you want to talk about your pain with a therapist and then some days it seems like if I talk about it things feel worse.

But, my T is good about putting my perspectives back in place. She knows me quite well - and my moods, so she can center me and remind me of how I deal with things and how it usually turns out okay.

I welcome your calming energy and hope my flare relaxes. I know you were having a tough time preparing for your trip, so it sounds like things might be on an even keel right now. I hope that's true so you can enjoy yourself!

Tranquility

[(JD)]

Thank you! My T keeps me on an even keel, especially for this trip! I haven't traveled so far since... well...the early 80s! And never that far alone My T is helping me to realize that the hassles of preparation are part of the trip enjoyment?! Yes, on an even keel. (Of course I have another week, and foolishly think now if I can just do... or ... but no, I don't dare for fear of flare.) I know how it goes. Take care of yourself, it isn't being selfish (((hugs)))

<font color="#000088">Hey,I wanted to wish you the best,and let you know you're in my thoughts on those new tests the Doctor finally ordered for you. I hope things don't come out too serious,but at least explain something that will help ease your mind about the constant pain. And that they can then do something for you to help with the pain,so you aren't in so much agony all the time!
J</font>