[Eleny]

When I want someone to like or approve of me, I open up and show them how vulnerable I am. I reveal everything about me, all the things I'v been through, and how sad I am.

The truth is I actually don't want to do this. My manager was once angry at me for being late to work and I broke down and told her how depressed I'd been, and she was so kind to me from then on. I was strongly drawn to her and I'd longed for her approval for months, and that day I finally got it. I guess maybe I "learned" I could manipulate people into feeling sorry for me, and in turn caring about me/liking me.

I hate it though. I wish I was more guarded and could preserve my secrets and vulnerabilities more. I look back now on some of the people I've told my life story to, and I'm upset. I never should have told these people my secrets. Some weren't good people.

I guess I just wondered if anyone can identify with this? Has anyone experience of doing the same thing?

[Skeezyks]

Hello Eleny: Well... the Skeezyks can't identify with this exactly. But one thing that did happen with me was that, while I was taking antidepressants, they made it possible for me to talk about things I would never have breathed a word of had I not been medicated. Talking about this stuff did me no good at all. So I simply ended up feeling exposed & foolish...

[LeeeLeee]

Think of your issues as your messy kitchen. You're not going to cook up friendships in a messy kitchen! Clean it up and share the fresh stuff only.

[active]

There is no problem with you, things you are suffering from is the isolation you have caused to your self or someone have caused you purposely. You have no one to talk to you, even the small normal thing you do everyday. let me know if I am correct so ill help you further.

[Chocopiano27]

I'm also having trouble for doing these in the past. I've stopped doing these recently though with lots of work. But it paid off

I was the drum major for a marching band and some times things didn't go my way, and so the coach got mad at me. Sometimes I end up feeling sorry for myself and tell them (also to my friends) that I'm not feeling well or things like that. Some of them pity me, but some didn't seem to fell for my trick. I was supposed to be their leader, yet I was standing there pretending to be sick. It sucked but I was to afraid to handle the problem, I thought "it's better to deal it this way. maybe they'll understand". The thing is they won't. At the end of the day, I lived my high school marching band life with no friends and was always isolated.

I did that cuz I'm too afraid to be responsible for my actions, the only thing to change is to be tougher to yourself. Don't feel sorry for yourself, deal the problem in a more professional ways. It is hard and I know. People go through this phase in life, some succeed because they're more eager to change. The good news is, it's trainable! So work on, build your courage. And don't feel sorry for yourself and be tough. good luck

[Ceridwen18]

Hi Eleny,
I used to do this, when I was younger (early 20s). It scared a lot of people off, as it was too much, too soon. I did it because I wanted to connect with people, I was lonely and wanted to make friends. I thought that was what you did! I've learned who to open up to, and when. I've had much more success being a little more circumspect.
I saw a quote the other day, "Everyone has a chapter they don't read out loud".
I like it. I hope it helps you.
Hugs

I too am guilty of been far too open. I think in my case it is that I don't see a great deal of people in my life. Add to the fact that I am socially gregarious and eager to be around people and it is a mix for a case of offering too much information.

I have difficulting curbing this when I am on my own. However, I have a code set of words with family and friends to use as reminders when I'm in larger social situations.

Still, in those situations when I have been on my own, I kick myself for allowing myself to do it. Not to mention I get embarrassed for doing so.

Does anyone experience that when they open up a great deal others in the conversation do too?

[Lost_in_the_woods]

What struck me is that you are aware that you do this in order for ppl to feel bad for you/ be liked...and that you stayed you have learned you can manipulate ppl by using this behaviour...Are you in therapy? Have you ever been dxd w/ a personality disorder? I would suggest talking w/ a professional about this. I was dxd w/ BPD in my 20's and desperate need for approval/love/kindness, over sharing, self victimizing, and using that to "manipulate" others whether conscious or unintentionally are all "symptoms" I have come to understand as part of my PD...other PDs share similar traits. Just a thought. Hope maybe you find it helpful..if not, I do not mean to offend.

[melmyers1107]

Originally Posted by Eleny

When I want someone to like or approve of me, I open up and show them how vulnerable I am. I reveal everything about me, all the things I'v been through, and how sad I am.

The truth is I actually don't want to do this. My manager was once angry at me for being late to work and I broke down and told her how depressed I'd been, and she was so kind to me from then on. I was strongly drawn to her and I'd longed for her approval for months, and that day I finally got it. I guess maybe I "learned" I could manipulate people into feeling sorry for me, and in turn caring about me/liking me.

I hate it though. I wish I was more guarded and could preserve my secrets and vulnerabilities more. I look back now on some of the people I've told my life story to, and I'm upset. I never should have told these people my secrets. Some weren't good people.

I guess I just wondered if anyone can identify with this? Has anyone experience of doing the same thing?

i can i used to tell people even strangers a lot of weird **** about me how i was a party girl and it is too much less is more dont be an open book let people come up and approach. you will find greater responses from people, and people will find you

[Eleny]

Thank you so much for all your responses I feel better I'm not alone.

[Eleny]

Originally Posted by LeeeLeee

Think of your issues as your messy kitchen. You're not going to cook up friendships in a messy kitchen! Clean it up and share the fresh stuff only.

This is great, thank you.