How to feel safe

Hello, I am in the process of working through a number of life events that have affected me, leaving me struggling with depression, anxiety, and poor self-esteem among other issues.

I hit upon something today while writing down memories of my childhood. I realized that I have not felt safe since I was a child, when my parents divorced.

I think I have tried, unconsciously, to recreate feelings of safety and security, only to end up in unhealthy situations that could not give me what I needed. But then the question remains, how can I feel safe again?

Has anyone else struggled with this? What makes you feel safe?

Hello ADeepSandbox: The Skeezyks has struggled with some paranoia from time-to-time. There have been periods of time, in the past, when my low back muscles were so strained I could barely get out of bed to go to the bathroom (a couple of times not even that!) During these times I would begin to worry that the house would catch on fire, or someone might break in & there would be nothing I could do about it.

I haven't had any severe back problems recently. But, as I'm getting older, I find that paranoid thoughts are becoming something I experience on simply a more routine basis. I guess there's really nothing in particular that makes me feel safe. I'm pretty reclusive so I guess that helps. I listen to quite a bit of chant set to music & other types of quiet, peaceful music, much of it on YouTube while I'm replying to posts here on PC. Beyond that, I simply strive to accept these thoughts & feelings with lovingkindness & compassion.

Years ago after starting therapy I relized the same thing but for different reasons. I wish I could tell you how I've come to feel safe again but it was not just one thing. Took years of hard work though therapy, allowing myself to get angry at my parents and teachers who had not kept me safe, taking control of my own destiny, grieving the lost of childhood.

I wish you well in your search for feeling safe.

Thank you both very much. Maybe I just need to keep working on my past and it will help me feel safer as I move through the anger and fear.

One of the worst things my mother ever called me (as an adult) was a coward, an adult cousin mocked me and called me a chicken when I was a teenager. I don't know if that's true or not. I just know I don't know how to feel safe with people or life in general.

I was not safe growing up as a child nor was I safe during a long marriage. Now for the past several years I have become safe through therapy, certain medications for my MI, and having safe people/relationships. Getting myself out of an unsafe marriage was huge for me. A big step in the right direction.