Hi all. I'm doing quite horrible at the moment. All doors are locked and inside this room I'm trapped! At PC I love alot of ya,..I always worry when I post if I'm making someone mad who doesn't post a reply at all. Outside of PC I often ask strangers for love. We're all strangers at some point at PC,..and continuelly grow and learn and soon arer invited in as family. Loved, cared for,..and sympathized as if we where in a home together.

For the past year, I've drasticly changed for the worse. I play online games and while playing I find myself expressing my pain to strangers just on to have fun. Luckily I've met a few who sympathize me and hold me up at my loweste point. I'll get on websites like myspace,facebook, try and meet new ppl, often putting my depression as if its my personality,...and its not.

I have a big problem PC,..I"m truly dieing as a person,..i'm 17 a time if terrible emotional changes, yet mine stays solid,..now ups downs,...nothing.

All I do is ponder on things I see in the world. one of the biggest things is sex/marriage/divource/love/lust. All of those things relate,...I don't know what either mean...there just a public name for sin in my opinion. To me divource is like taking a page out of a number 1 selling book,..and marriage is like writing a book itself,...the love/lust creating the sex and if 1 leaves,..it seems the relationship is lost.

I mentioned that because those are my thoughts,...no right,..no wrong just my thoughts,. I break down in tears over things like this,...irrational..perhaps...in the end it doesn't matter it gets me emotional..and I CAN'T stop thinkign about it....

So...how will I ever feel good about me,..when I hate me? A question many of us ask,...I'm soo easily fallin into...I love so easy...thats a downfall sin of mine thats terribly gone for the worst. I fall in "love"...so to speak to try and ease my own ppain...PC...I'm a horrible person......

My goals in life are to hae a Wife,..and a daughter..and perhaps a son if god chooses that. With those things,..I will never replace my wife, and will always love my daughter. Being 17 those thoughts are terrifying to have made clear already......I should be lusting,...and perhaps I am......

PC...I don't know where I stand...I'm in a mental health communitiy surrournded by tons of adults, teens, and those in between...yet asking from each all the love I can get....

There isn't really a question being asked...only an answer being told to my situation. Help the world find the missing piece to the puzzle PC,...it all lies in each of us...

Dustin

I want to thank each of PC's members including the mods,and all who run it and make it possible including myself. God bless you....whom ever that god may be...

[DocClyde]

I think that from time to time, we all hate ourselves. Even though we really should care and love and admire ourselves 100% of the time, it is often very hard to do because of other things going on, or something someone might of said or done without thinking how it affects us.

I can tell you are passionate about love and life, and in order to help you stay focused on what is really important to you (the love and life I just mentioned), think about how many friends you have here and how much you have enriched their lives.

Think about facebook and myspace and all of those other "networking" sites and how many people would wonder about you and worry about how you are doing and what you are doing.

Remember, though, as well, while all of us are indeed real, and do truly care, there is still no replacement for face to face meeting with people. I can tell you are very personable, just from reading your posts here. You are probably a bit shy (like me) or a bit afraid of dealing with people in real life--which is okay. Just take it slow and take it easy. Realize that life does not happen in one day, that it takes time, and patience. If it happened quickly, we all would mature at 2, marry at 3, and die at 5.

Just keep your head up, mate, and relax. Things will turn around...

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((((((Moonkin))))))))))))))))))))))) I wish you could see the person you have shown PC. You have made many friends here and as you posted other sites too. Sometimes it takes a while to venture out and make friends IRL. You are still the same person so the friendships will come.

Have you ever thought that maybe you are trying to reach your goals of raising a family at a very early age? There is time to find the right person to spend the rest of your life with. I just hate to see you agonizing over someting which is a process and doesn't happen overnight.

I hate to see you in so much pain but I can understand your perspective. As always feel free to PM me. You are in my thoughts. Please take care of you and keep reaching out in all areas of your life.

BB

[sassypants]

I think we all require LOVE, in some form or another.
i also think we do not like ourselves all the time , which I think is natural. You are really young, and to tell you the truth
i was your age, when I got married. What a mistake!! We
all learn mistakes by going through it. I was trying to find
love in another person, because my DAD left us, and
divorced my MOM. It was such a painful time for our
family. I ended up getting a divorce at 24, which was very
depressing, almost unbearable. What I have learned is
that I don't need another person,husband, to make my life
better.
I hope I gave you some insight, but believe me, you will
find happiness when you least expect it.

I will also pray for you. ps. I don't think you are a horrible person,
please remember that.

i really do think you're a bit young for a family. do you yearn for something that you didn't get as a child? it won't come to you til you're mature enough to handle it.

enjoy where you are now and direct your good vibes to something else that fulfills you. do you volunteer anywhere? i bet the local animal shelter could use someone as sweet and caring as you are.....xoxoxo pat

[Fuzzybear]

[50guy]

Wow, you have a lot on your mind there young fellow.
Let me start by saying, been there done that. I was married at 16, went into the Marine Corps at 17 and had a child before I was 18. Just let life happen and don't rush it.
After 35 years with my wife I'm nearly at my wits end.
I yern to be free and young again.

(((((moonkim)))))

the advice here has been great. you will find the right one in time, when you least expect it things will come about. i hear your thoughts and your feelings and i do not take those away from you, just take your time. you have your senior year coming up. enjoy it. be kind to yourself. take one day at a time and do not reach too far into the future for that produces fear as none of us know what may happen. i am glad that you post here and i get insite from your words. you have alot of us here that are your friends and care very much. i hope you will keep posting and reaching. everything will work out and i believe for the best. know you are being sent good thoughts and are in my prayers.

purplesecrets