[setfree29]

The plan was that in September I was supposed to move from MN to Phoenix. I originally lived in Phx for 30 years and came to MN 2.5 years ago for health reasons mental and physical health.

Since I got here my dad died and I moved a year later with my mom to her new home in a really small town. I awaited 2 years and 2 months for SSDI but on appeal was denied.

That was my funding to go back to Phx. My mom would help me a bit but I have to find a place to live with no rent for awhile. Which would be my daughter’s studio apartment that she shares with another girl. I could stay there for 2 weeks and look for a job.

Secondly I can stay with another friend for 2 weeks while I am looking for work. After that I am out of luck as to where to stay as I won’t have any money for rent yet probably.

I’m scared to death because I know if I stay here in MN at mom’s house I will probably have a nervous breakdown. It is because I am very bored and have nothing to do other than read and the Internet.

I am looking for a job but this is a tiny town with not much to offer at all. I have filled out a couple of resumes and am trying to find more places to apply at.

My issue with going to Phx is that my brother was going to tow my car for me as he is going on vacation in that direction. The above shows the downside as I am afraid I don’t have even enough confidence to look for jobs there. I had an ebay business for 14 years and was a stay at home. I got divorced in2005, met a really nice man, whom a year later ended up with brain cancer, so I was his caregiver until 2008 when he passed. I continued to do the ebay business up until a month ago.

I am just so burnt out on it. I can’t do it anymore. I’m afraid if I go to Phoenix I will end up homeless. I have a nice car, but not much money. But again I am afraid to stay at mom’s because I am so bored and lonely and if no job arises, that will be even worse.

I just wish I had someone in Phoenix whose place I could stay at indefinitely (a safe place to land) while I look for work so I don’t have the pressure. I can’t handle any pressure right now.

I would welcome anyone’s thoughts. I figure if I don’t have the confidence to go now when will I?????????????

Thanks for listening.
Carrie

Do you have other choices of where to go?

Before you do make the move make sure you have investigated and have mental health supports in place. I suggest you get in contact with the local association of mental health. They may be able to assist you with or provide resources regarding not just the move and mental health supports but the process of job hunting as well (most will have some sort of vocational support whereby they can provide lists of employers prepared to hire those with mental health issues or even a program where they can match you up with such a company). Your family doctor may even be able to help you with a refferal to healthcare professionals in the area. So too I suggest investigating support groups in the area. This may be helpful to manage the stress of the move, knowledge of area resources, networking/job search, as well as social contacts.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Carrie: I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions to offer. But I just wanted to wish you the best with regard to figuring out whether to stay or go...

[ImmerAllein]

Hi Carrie,

From what you've said, I would choose the lesser of the two evils ... which is to stay put where you are in MN and try to work on the boredom and loneliness. That, to me, is a better option than being jobless and homeless, which would put you under much more stress than you are in now.

Right now, things are bad for you, and I suspect that you're just looking for the greener grass on the other side (Phoenix), which may not really be greener, but in fact, much worse.

I understand the stress of having no job and no money because I've been jobless for a year and a half now. It is unrelenting and believe me, the only thing worse than being jobless is being homeless. You don't want to take such a huge risk, esp. given your disability (you mentioned SSDI).

You can make healthy changes of some kind. If you're lonely, how about meeting local people through meetup.com ? Or even online dating, if that's an option ?

Sincerely wish you the best,
Kartik

[setfree29]

Thank you guys for your responses. It made me feel a little less alone. I did talk it over with my psych dr and that was my first time with her. She gave me a thumbs down on it; said I wasn't emotionally ready for such a big transition. ImmerAllein, your post was pretty spot on to what she said.

I was pretty depressed over it. I do know I'm not emotionally ready for such a move, but when will I ever be? I need to build my confidence somehow.

Originally Posted by setfree29

I do know I'm not emotionally ready for such a move, but when will I ever be? I need to build my confidence somehow.

Can you get involved in therapy? I think you are unintentionally overwhelming yourself. I relate, it's an easy pattern of thinking to fall into. You talked to your pdoc who has helped you decided staying put is best for now...so that is relatively settled. But now you are leaping onto the next issue...when WILL you be ready? Will you EVER be ready? HOW will you build your self confidence to do these things, etc.?

Do you see what I mean? I'm just pointing out that you're already leaping into the next set of worries. The future is uncertain. We have today. Right now. Practicing mindfulness by staying in the movement helps remove these unhelpful thoughts. Planning is good - but I don't think you're planning. You're stressing and it will help you to stay within the moment. As the saying goes, worry is a down payment on something in the future that may never happen.

Get involved locally. Free room and board? Can't beat that - help out with meals, errands, yard work, companionship, etc. See what living arrangement you can work out where you are. If you are into church, that's a great way to meet people. Volunteer your time to those less fortunate than you. Take plenty of time for yourself. Take care.

[setfree29]

Thanks rainyday for your reply. It makes so much sense and I will remember to be mindful of staying in the moment.

I am staying with my mum (who is an awesome lady); have my own room in a nice home, free. So I will hang on to each day and not look down the road. I have a bad habit of doing that.