scared and confused....

My mom is having surgery Wed. morning to replace a heart valve. She is elderly (78). She was my abuser. I can't even begin to sort out my emotions here. I canceled T Monday because I couldn't deal with diving into it.

Send good thoughts, please. The anxiety and the racing thoughts and the memories are getting out of hand and I'd like a little peace and a decent night's sleep for once.

Candy

(((candy))) my thoughts and prayers are with you. I know what you are going thru. my mom abused me too and when she got cancer I had more emotions than I knew were possible.

(((((candy)))) Take care of you, regardless of what you think your mom would want or need, or anyone else for that matter. YOU know how to take care, don't feel like you have to put any extra effort into working with others etc... because when it's all said and done, you are the one who will have to pick up the pieces of your life. This is tough...but you can do it. Take - care - of - yourself.

Sending you good thoughts and warm fuzzies for restful slumbers. Keeping you in my thoughts sweetie ((((((((((((((((( Candy )))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((( Candy )))))))))))))

Take one moment at a time. Just get through the moment and then worry about the next.

Hugs,

Jan

(((((candy)))))

My thoughts and prayers are right there with you. I know it is bringing up all sorts of things for you. Take one minute at a time--one second at a time--and remember to breath. I will be sitting quietly and if you need a friend, just know that I am right there. You are not alone. Your PC friends are right there with you. Hold tight my friend. Everything will be okay.

Whenever you feel yourself slipping, close your eyes and hear the prayers of your friends and support going up continually all day for you. I hope you get a good nights sleep, and may your guardian angel surround you with peace. Take care dear one and know we are right beside you, walking with you and holding you up when things feel so overwhelming. Love you.

purplesecrets

((((((((((Candy)))))))))))))

Much love.

Hi Candy,

I will pray that your mom's surgery is successful.

You are the one I will pray for the most because I know and care about you!!
(((((Candy))))))

Okie

{{{{{{{{{{{{Candy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Can't add any more to what people have already posted. I understand how you feel, though. Take care of YOU.

Don't hold in your emotions. When you are in private, let them out, whatever they may be. I'm here if you need me to talk to.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((candybear))))))))))))))))))))))))) My thoughts are with you.

you ve had some wonderful advice from everyone already. i just wanted to add that i too care and will be keeping you and your mom in my thoughts. especially you.
((((((((((((((((((((candybear)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Well, good news I guess. They had anticipated the surgery taking 5 hours and it only took 1.5. There wasn't as much damage as they thought. She's doing OK.

I, meanwhile, had a horrible night and so far a horrible day, because I'm still not coping with this. I really thought all those years of therapy had done me some good and gotten me beyond all this. Sucks to find out not.

Thanks everyone for the support and hugs.

Candy

hon there are always things to trigger memories. I don't think how much therapy one might have it is bound to pop up from time to time. just hang with us here and lean on us.

I am glad she is ok. (((hugs)))

i think you d be superhuman to not be triggered by this, no matter how much therapy you ve had. no one can predict or prevent how they re going to react when faced with the illness of someone close to them and add the abuse history and its just a nightmare. i think just being able to talk coherently is great!
hope you still have a T or someone IRL who is supporting you right now?

Actually, no -- I have a T, but I have only seen her for a little while, and only every other week, and I don't feel at all connected to her or like she cares. My friends IRL all live on the other side of the state and I don't have anybody here in town to unload on. I had to cold-turkey off the Seroquel because I ran out a couple weeks ago and can't afford it till my next paycheck (the 29th) and between that and this I'm depressed as hell.

Bleh.

Have you tried writing down your feelings as if you were talking to a good friend (yourself). Sometimes just getting them out & written down (if you don't have someone to talk them through with) can help to understand what they really are. Then they can be put into perspective.

It is tough to feel like you have to have feelings for someone who hurt you (just because they are your Mother????). Your Mother is really just another person. It is important to understand that all the feelings you have are completely valid & understandable....& there is nothing wrong is feeling that way.

There will always be times when triggers hit & make the bad we went through come back into the front of our minds. Don't beat yourself up about your feelings....you are ok.

I'm sure that going off the seroquel doesn't help....I know for me, it keeps my horrible anxiety level under control. I wish I could send you some of my extra seroquel. I got tons of samples from my pdoc when I was on a very high dose. I know it sure helps me calm down & gives me a rest from my thoughts.

Take care, & if you can, find a T that you can connect with. That is an important part of therapy.
Debbie

((((((((( Candy )))))))))

I wish so much you had your Seroquel, but I want you to know I think about anyone would have had your reaction. Taking care of the very person who abused us is horrific. Please be extra kind to yourself right now and realize that it's ok to have these feelings.

Hugs,

Jan

{{{{{{{{{{{{Candy}}}}}}}}}}}}} I so feel for you! My mother wasn't my abuser, but she could have stopped it if she'd had the intestinal fortitude to do it. That was a biggie, an unresolved issue I had with her, but I didn't know it until a couple years later when I learned of my abuse.

When she passed, I went bonkers. That's when the anxiety started and then came the depression and all kinds of phobias. She was already dead when all this started and there was no way I could confront her with it. There are still days that I could take her by her fragile shoulders and shake her till her head falls off!

I've said this before and I'll say it again, you NEED to confront her NOW... while she's still alive! Like I had to do, you'll have to come to grips eventually with the fact that you didn't have the mother you were entitled to, the mother you NEEDED as a small child.

I'd say, if you've got a T now, tell her the crisis you're going through. She needs to know and you need to deal with it in a healthy way, Sweety. Do it for yourself... do it for your son!



PS Don't forget I'm here for you!

-I'm sending you lots o' Love-

=)