submitting MY personal story???

im scared...i was going to ...i dont know if im even up to typing it though...i got to type alittle bit of it then deleted it....it makes me scared....and tired.....that could also be because its 2 am.....sometimes i want to close my eyes and have it all go away...for just a minute....ill take seconds if thats all there is...i dont WANT a story....i dont WANT a past.....to much...its all too much for me...it wont go away, everyday, every minute, school, work, home, sleeping, eating, lounging, cleaning...every breathe is a breathe that is sharp on intake...remembering ....waiting...people go on with their lives...i see it...i see my boyfriend go through daily life.....nothing haunting him...nothing troubling him...he sleeps like its easy....he lives like its easy....why cant I ....why cant i just live....i just want to live my life....not live a hell......not live a memory....i want to live my life.....why is that so much to ask?

((((((((((((((inacorner))))))))))))))
i understand. it seems absolutely unbelievable to me that some people seem to go through life not in pain, mental or physical. im not even sure i do believe it!
if you think writing it would help maybe write what you can (in the morning after some rest!) and then leave it at that? you can always come back to it later. i suggest not pushing harder than you can afford to though. if its too much then you re just not ready to do that yet and thats ok.
go easy on yourself.
biiv

((((((((((((inny)))))))))))))

oh baby I wish I could make things easy for you. I wrote my story last night, well, a condensed version as there is so much more. I sent it to doc John. In a way it helped cos I slept I was so tired after writing it, but I did have awful dreams. I have no therapy session next week as it is a bank holiday in UK, so I wrote it for my pdoc so she can read it too.
I really don't know what doc John is going to do with it, I was numb after all those memories so I just sent it without thinking.

Love you hun, kerry xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

((((((((inny)))))))

I know how you feel. I guess its supposed to be a positive story, but I am having a hard time working on that right now. Sending you gentle caring thoughts to help, if thats ok



Dee

((((inny))))

I hear you dear. I know that it is hard to think about writing and what you must feel inside. Exhaustion comes to just think about sharing my life story, along with terror and just the overwhelming thoughts of telling. I know how each breath can be like it is your last with each inhale harder to take than the last and an exhale does not even seem to exist.

Just take your time. Do what you can. You deserve time hun. I can relate to thinking how you would just wish for a moment of rest--for the memories to just stop for one moment. How some can live and not seem to have a care or a past. To sleep is impossible as it usually just does not come. Even when it does it is short lived and never a full night.

Take care of you. You will write when you are ready. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. I send you my love and support inny.

purplesecrets

I feel the same...like it's too much, and who cares!
patty

Hi ! I had submitted my personal profile when I first started.
Then I realized that I gave too much info about my life.
So, I deleted it a couple of months later.

I guess It has to do with trust issues and how much you can tell someone about yourself without being judged. So,
whatever works for you.

Take care,

((((Biiv)))) it is weird seeing people act so...happy all the time isnt it.....i ended up not getting any rest but ill think about writing the story still....
(((Jinnyann))))) im sorry you had awful dreams...remember its Doc John, im sure he wont do anything inconsiderate with your memories.
((((mybestkids2)))) yes, gentle thoughts are I wonder i appreciate them, good luck on your story
(((purplesecerts)))) thank you, yes youd think we should all be issued a inhaler huh lol....your right, i do deserve time...maybe i should give myself more time instead of rushing into it
((((seeker1950)))) i care, and I hope you take care of yourself and all of these wonderful people here too...good luck
((((sassypants)))) yea, its like you get one moment of bravity and then after a few thoughts, and maybe some sleepless nights you get anxious and want to take it down....it is hard to feel ok when you know your letting yourself be vunerable ....and the possibilty of being judged....

thank you everyone i appreciate it soo much...the support, the love, i really am soo thankful for all such good friends....