Really Upset Yesterday

I stayed up all day yesterday (well, most of it), trying to get my sleep hours back to normal. Anyway, the day was going pretty well, until I called my mother. She had asked me the previous day to call and find out how much the printer she's getting me (an early Christmas present) will be with tax, so I did that. I called her afterwards, and I don't know what happened.

I am attributing at least part of this to her being ill lately, but at the same time, it's like her.

I'm pretty sure she suffers from anxiety, at least in worrying obsessively. I told her when I called, one of the stores told me the very printer I want is on sale (I've since found a second store with the same sale), but the sale ended yesterday. She said, "I think we should wait until [my boyfriend] comes home, don't you?" I didn't see any choice; he's my only transportation to get it. I just called like she'd asked. I told her that, and that I've already talked to him about it and gotten his opinion and information. He works with computers, so she takes him as an expert on all things computer related, but he's not. He told me what he knows of printers.

What's more, I've done a great deal of research, and I know what I want, and have been very careful in choosing. Now, price-wise, I've told her, she could set a price limit, but I wanted to know, so I know in what range to look.

FOR THE RECORD, she wanted to get me a printer when I got my computer--I DID NOT ASK HER FOR IT AT THAT TIME--and I told her no, because my bf was planning on getting one, and I could use that. Things have changed because of my OCD, but also, he's been saying he was going to get one (two, possibly, one for text and a dedicated photo printer) for YEARS, and I am tired of waiting. So, I asked my mom if she still wanted to get me one, and she said yes, so I began researching, and have done so for several weeks. I've learned A LOT about printers, read a great deal of reviews (both by users and editors), gone to CompUSA to get print samples (I tried Best Buy and Circuit City, but neither had machines that were able to print), and I feel I've learned more than enough to make a competent choice. It really insults me that she never values my opinion, no matter how much research I do, and no matter what I know.

I'm at the point that I might just tell her to forget it. The problem is, she won't. She will keep insisting and will not stop!!! She's unbelievable! She'll even get really anxious and start crying. With her health as it is, I'm more worried to upset her, but at the same time, I feel like I never get respect or treated like an adult. I'm always the bad daughter.

Anyway, when I told her my bf has told me that he told me all he knew, she got upset. I don't think she believes that I've talked to him about this. I swear I have. I didn't want to make a decision like this without his input.

She has a hard time communicating what she means sometimes, but takes it out on me because I don't understand. I don't think she treats others like this. She doesn't understand a lot of common and modern terminology, and I don't always know what she's trying to tell me. That's not an excuse for her to get pissed at me.

While on the phone, her yelling at me really got to me, and I told her to hold on, because I was on the verge of hanging up, and I was trying not to do that to her. But I was tearing up badly, ran for tissues and had to calm myself down before getting back on the phone. I told her someone had come to the door, but that was a lie.

I have been really stressed lately, so I didn't need that. It really messed up my day. I haven't called her again since. I just really felt hit hard. I don't think I did anything bad. But I know she has talked to people by now, and probably will talk to others, telling a completely screwed up story of what happened, making me out to be the bad guy. I'm selfish, yes, but she's the one who offered to buy the printer, and I told her I didn't expect her to.

perhaps tell your bf what the results you found and insist that he talk to her and tell her that he thinks this is the best printer to buy? It must be rough to have a mother like that ....i understand completely....thats personally why i take nothing from my mom...not even 5 dollars....but if you know she will insist and she wants to know what your bf thinks then just have him talk to her and say this is a good one to buy....it may not relieve the pressure about feeling insulted or having her not respect your opinion...but it will have the whole thing settled and just remember to not ask anything from her anymore...
good luck

I'm sorry that mothers treat us as you're being treated, Maven. It's very difficult to keep calm when she is tearing you down to give you a gift. If your BF could talk to her, perhaps that would help things. In the meanwhile, know that you've done your best and try to think of your health......xoxoxo pat

Maven - I'd just let her get you the printer. I understand entirely about parents not taking their adult children's word for anything - when I go home to visit my parents, they do not even let me borrow a car (they have 2) to run an errand. Now, when they come to visit me, I give them my car and trade off with my roommate. My step-mom always just tells me my dad can drive me where ever I want to go. Nor do they listen to me about anything - A friend told me that even though I am a successful adult (for 3 decades now) they still treat me exactly like a kid. It used to bug me to no end and I have finally gotten to the point of realizing that is just they way they need to be and let it go (most of the time.) Take care and try and realize that it is just your mom's dance and that it is not really about you!

Yeah, that's what I'm going to do. My bf will be calling tonight and coming home tomorrow, and I'll have him talk to her. Thanks for the advice. It's the right thing to do.

Pita, yeah, I know I should just let her get it, but when she makes it such a pain, I don't know how to handle it. The thing is, I know I'm selfish, but not as much so as she and others make me out to be, and she'll tell people that I am expecting things I'm not. She confuses why she thinks I get upset with why I really get upset. I mean, she doesn't understand what it means to feel disrespected when she's the one causing it. She thinks it's about material things. For instance, if she's tells me something (and I feel this way no matter who says something to me), I use that information as its given.

In this case, this is not what's happened so far, but it's the kind of thing that could happen, because it's how she is: As I said, I haven't called or spoken to her since yesterday's terrible call. If I speak with her today and mention that the printer was on sale but no longer is, she might well say, "Well, why didn't you tell me and I could have bought it for you and saved the money?" (I'm not sure how this would be accomplished, since I don't know if you can buy online and pick it up later, and I don't have a way to get to the store, and she is too scared to drive the streets around the stores, because they're highly trafficked, but it's an example.) But she told me to wait to talk to Mike, and there was nothing I could do, anyway. This is the type of thing she does, and others back her up, calling me selfish and inconsiderate, when I did what she asked me to.

I do want the printer. It's not a cheap printer, but I asked her if it was okay, and she said yes, and I told her it was okay to expect a cheaper one, but I wanted to know before I researched, so I knew what my limits were, and so I didn't get my heart set on one. For my uses, being a writer and for some of the projects I have in mind, it's a great one. I have to have some cleaning up done, which my bf is going to do, although I have to do all the wiping afterwards, and believe me, I'm stressed out. Some people think, "Oh, she's getting a printer," so I'm winning and getting no suffering out of it. These are people who have no idea what OCD is like.

She hasn't called me so far today, and I don't plan on calling her. I want to call my sister, as I told her I would this weekend while my bf's away, but I'm worried what my mom has said to her. Plus it's Sunday, and I don't know if my sister will be available, with church and all. But I was too sleepy yesterday to call her. My sister thinks I'm spoiled--she's said so--and I agree, I was raised that way, although not as badly as many. But I get really ticked off when I'm not the one who initiates things like my mom buying me something, and I'm made out to be the bad guy for wanting it.

Maven, I see where you have researched the printers, and basically they all do pretty much the same thing in the same way, some with different bells and whistles. What you might consider doing is researching the printer INK cartridges that the printers you like, use. That varies widely and usually is where the real cost of printing lies. Not all cartridges are the same. You can pay more for one type a very inexpensive printer uses, and though you pay more, it makes fewer copies. That's what you need to compare... how many copies of black/white and how many copies of color the cartridge makes.

Now, beware of CompuUsa as you cannot return anything there once you open it, without a big restock fee. Otherwise, you have to just keep returning and taking a replacement, no matter how many times the component fails. Circuit City has better items. Have you considered online shopping with QVC or HSN, what about Office Depot?

Good wishes on your hunt!

In my research, I've found not all printers are the same. Some come with a lot of problems. But I'm happy with the one I've chosen.

Yeah, I've done a little research into the ink cartridges, too. The thing I'm learning is NOT to buy the cheapo kinds, the discounted kinds. Buy what is meant for your printer. My sister just shared her experience with my last night.

Thanks for the advice, Sky. Unfortunately, the Circuit City around here does not have any in stock. I am finding a lot of stores not carrying it anywhere near here. If I order online, I'll probably order directly from HP.com.

Do you know anything about Staples' reputation? They have some, when I called...however, we're probably not getting it for another week or so, so I will have to check to see if they have them in stock at the time.

Thank you!