hi

hi all im new here and having a bad night...
i sat down tonight and wrote down everything that is going on in my life for the first time in a long long time... although i am glad to have finally done it ( i havent been able to write in years it just doesnt come out right anymore) it bought back many memories and feelings from my past...
the reason i am posting on here now is because tonight for the first time in 6 years i wanted to cut myself.. it took so much for me not to do it and i think the only reason i didnt was because i have to wear short sleeve shirts for work and wouldnt have been able to hide it.
im glad i didnt because i would feel even more screwed up now if i had, but the urge was so strong that it scared me, like i said its something i havent done since i was 16.
i know i have to see someone about it all and the last time i went to my doctor he had me in tears then told my mum a few days later that he thought i was unstable.. i know i have to get help but i am so scared. he suggested to my mum that i see a councellor but i cant afford it and thats why i havent seen him about it either, i havent been able to afford any meds he might give me until now.
Part of me is hoping i will get past all this again like i did when i was younger but the other part of me thinks that it will only get worse if i dont get help now, things are more stressful as an adult and stress is something i really cant deal with.
sorry to have bothered you all but i needed to get it all off my chest
thanks for listening

case

Hello kcj and welcome to the forums here.

You know what to do so I am going to confirm what you already know... you do need to get help, it is only going to get worse if you don't. I know it is scary but really the most difficult part is realizing that you need the help and admitting that you need it, and you have already taken that step.

If payment is an issue try to find a clinic in your area, some can offer treatment for free or on a sliding scale based on what you can afford. Check the mental health department of your local hospital for help setting you up somewhere or ask your doctor for advice. Also ask the doc for samples of the meds he prescribes, he can give these to you for free, the docs get them from the medical companies and that's what they are for.

Don't let money be a reason not to seek treatment. If you had a broken leg you wouldn't bandage it yourself because you can't afford the ER.

It is very brave to come here for help and also that you chose not to hurt yourself last night... whatever the reason it shows that you have the strength and the willpower to prevent it and have the strength to seek the help that you know you need.

Writing was also a very good thing to do to help make things more clear to you.

Good luck and post here as much as you want. There are a lot of very supportive people here.

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--http://www.idexter.com

Hi case,

I don't know anything about how the system works in Australia, but it sounds like you could use some therapy, and I feel that you shouldn't have to wait. Sooner would be better. Can your doctor help you to find any resources that might help you? Would your mum be willing to help out?

Writing can help a lot, but then it also can bring up feelings that are hard to deal with by yourself. I think that working through those feelings will help you, but I wish you could get some help with that - a safe place and safe relationship for sorting it out (therapy). If you want to stick around, people here can be a lot of help. We can't take the place of therapy, but you can find some support and people who understand, and that has helped me a lot.

Keep talking to us, and take care!
Wendy

<font color=orange>"Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm. - Winston Churchill "</font color=orange>

KCJ;
I hope that you will take the other's advice about getting some help; there are many others who face the same struggles that you do; there is a special forum here (Self-injury) for the support of those who self-inflict. I hope that you will feel welcome to post thoughts of self-harm there.
Jon

KICK THE CABLE HABIT!!! http://www.vmcsatellite.com/?aid=84152

i just wanted to say thankyou to everyone who has replied and given me so much advice, it really is appreciated, and also a big thankyou for making me feel so welcome.
i apologise for starting this post here, to be honest i didnt check out the whole site properly and didnt realise that there was a self injury forum here as well.
again thankyou

case

Welcome to the site! I just wanted you to know I read this, I don't have much to add ...

Take care and keep posting!
Fuzzy