Question?

I have a question...

Why is it "bad" or "wrong" to be "good" as a child?
Meaning... Opt to do your best to not break rules in school, at home, or in general society, keep things neat n clean (as a kid would define it), and not be hateful/rude?

When I was growing up - other kids would pick on kids that did this (like myself) but what struck me - was my stepmom actually called me abnormal because i didnt wanna go party n drink n do drugs w her daughter...

I still cant grasp it and i am 42...i still hear ppl do that and it still bothers me.

Why??

I really don't know. I mean, I know why kids would tease you for not being like them, but I don't get your mom doing it.

Everytime I see or hear someone picking on a child for being good and giving the excuse "well she/he makes it so much harder on me bc she/he is always good - therefore i am always bad" it really makes me mad, because i was actually made to go places i did not want to be just bc my stepmom said i wasnt normal...that i was supposed to do those things as a kid, thats just what kids do .. etc

See, I put a ton of pressure on myself trying to be good to get attention from my dad (since mom died), still never got that unless he decided to yell at me bc he didn't like my boyfriend (the one person who gave me love) and then on top of that -i got scolded for being good...called abnormal, a frwak, all sorts of things... So seeing or hearing someone say mean things about "the good child" simply because that child is good ... makes my blood boil and confuses me

I'm sorry that's how you get treated. You don't deserve that. It kind of reminds me of parents with a child who always gets good grades and his or her siblings, who always gets bad grades. If the sibling who usually gets bad grades suddenly gets a better grade, the parents reward that child, but the child who was consistently getting good grades is left wondering why s/he never gets rewards for her good grades.

Exactly - except it was a much bigger extreme

People seem to think it's hard to be the sibling of "the good child" and that "the good child" gets or has everything - but many times the sufferings of that child get overlooked. I am not saying it happens in every case that "the good child" is treated unfairly - but neither does it happen in every case that the sibling of "the good child" is treated unfairly - and even when they are - it isn't that child's fault...it's the parents.

Why are the kids blamed for the parents behavior?

Exactly. If my never do well brother got a higher than average mark it was cause for great joy and he was rewarded. He was that sibling who could fall into bucket of crap and come out covered in gold. Yet, while I tried to achieve goodness I was put down for being so. I was bullied by my peers and I was bullied by my mother. She even herself said to me "why can't you be more like your brother?" The message that gave me was she was embarrassed of having a dork for a daughter. The message I got was that popularity was more important than credibility.

Exactly.
It never made sense to me then, and it still makes no sense to me now.

I haven't got any siblings, but I can much relate. Only that I'd got picked on for being a "good" child, who had good grades and what not by peers mainly. I somehow became this obedient child because of my upbringing, and maybe temperament, I don't know, this was my coping mechanism when no mistakes were allowed.
But it wasn't really working anyway later because even though I had good grades, there was always something not good enough about me, usually my physical appearance, from my parents' perspective.
From the other kids' perspective I was not interesting enough (or was just different idk) because of being the "good" child, and I have a lot of memories with former friends abandoning me for others who would be for example interested in boys when I wasn't yet.

Sorry that you guys had to deal with this. I can relate a bit. I'm often teased at school because I'm shy and not like the other boys.. although I do not get great grades..