Afraid to live?

Sometimes I think that there is nothing wrong with me, I'm just afraid to live.
But still, I'm afraid and overwhelmed even by this thought.

Maybe I want to have something wrong with me so that I can have an excuse for not living fully in the present. Maybe my huge fear of making mistakes?

Has anyone ever felt something similar?

I live in fear every day. Fear of failure... Fear of rejection... Fear of humiliation... Fear of being triggered.

I have these too...And they are blocking me. My way to deal with overwhelm and fears is not really being present, I guess. But pretending I am.

Always.. Almost everyday. I'm afraid of anything, mostly failure and being responsible as an adult.

These fear make me want to die, because there's no place to escape to.

When I'm too overwhelmed, I have to retreat to live in the worlds I made in my head. Or, hide myself in closet to calm me down.

it's still not quite dawned on me that i'm living life

it still feels like this is just the simulated, practice run

(it's not, but that's what it feels like)

as for fear of living, I have a fear that i'm going to groww old to like 50 or 60, and have nothing to show for my life at all- and that everything will be wasted

and I see it happening in front of me right now.

please just let this be the simulated run...

Yes, I see it happening in front of me as well. When I was in my twenties I had this persistent fear that I'll get to be thirty-something and I will have realised that I'd wasted my time...And now here I am...But maybe it's still possible to change this?
Or is this just a thought, and we are actually living the best way we can.

I'm constantly making up conversations and imaginary situations in my head. I've started paying attention to them and try not to do it but it's impossible. Maybe it's a coping mechanism I'd learned when I was a child.

I live in my head a lot too.