[Bungipaysme]

I was diagnosed with Chronic Anxiety or GAD about 2 years ago and prescribed propollonol, these did an amazing job of neutralising my physical symptoms although I had already developed an unhealthy relationshop with alcohol before I was diagnosed as a way of self medicating and relaxing my mind.

I started to drink at the age of 15 and quickly developed an unhealthy realthipnship with alcohol, it seems to be my go to at times of stress and asa Release although I don't drink everyday it's pretty much wrecked everything I do, from family to work, drink driving the company car and losing my license, being a drunken shameless mess with my family and everyone I meet.

I'm from the UK but right now I am in Borneo Indonesia, 3 months ago I quit my job and sold my house and decided to travel, I couldn't cope with who I was or the image of myself I had created, I needed to get away from the people that knew me as that person as I felt it would be easier for me to reinvent myself, this worked perfect and I spent 2 months in a village in Borneo Indonesia and stayed with a Muslim family, here it is predominantly Muslim so culturally and religiously unacceptable to drink.

I am still travelling now, but I feel depressed and hopeless most days, I'm confused about life and what I'm meant to be doing, I feel more relaxed now than before I left but everyone that knows me tells me not to think too much, everyone than meets me, sometimes its difficult for me to gather my thoughts, I avoid making plans or doing certain activists for fear of the unknown.

My thoughts and speech are often staggered and mumbled I think I may have scizphrenia but I've built a way of hiding it, I don't trust my family or many others I always feel like people are scheming something with no real evidence.

What's wrong with me?

[MickeyCheeky]

It seems like you've been through a lot. Have you ever seen a therapist?

Welcome to PC!

It sounds like you have a lot going on. You're aware of alcohol being a problem. Sounds like you may have depression, though I am not qualified to really say. It more so depends on how long you've been feeling depressed and hopeless. And from what you say, perhaps schizophrenia.

Can you see a psychiatrist or doctor while you are traveling? It may be a good idea to get evaluated for your symptoms and to possibly get on medication, depending on your symptoms and diagnosis.

While traveling is wonderful for personal reinvention, eventually you will need to face what's going on with you from wherever you are.

Others will have good advice for you and support. PC is a great place for this. (((hugs)))

[Bungipaysme]

I was evaluated by a healthcare worker a few months prior to my leaving who later phoned to tell me we wasn't thervics I needed. Oddly enough they phoned me again 2 weeks later to say I failed to turn up to my next appointment, I told them what appointment I was told you wasn't the service for me she said there must be a mistake I'll get back to you to reschedule and I never heard anything again.

[Bungipaysme]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

Welcome to PC!

It sounds like you have a lot going on. You're aware of alcohol being a problem. Sounds like you may have depression, though I am not qualified to really say. It more so depends on how long you've been feeling depressed and hopeless. And from what you say, perhaps schizophrenia.

Have you ever been diagnosed by a psychiatrist? Can you see one while you are traveling? It may be a good idea to get evaluated for your symptoms and to possibly get on medication, depending on your symptoms and diagnosis.

While traveling is wonderful for personal reinvention, eventually you will need to face what's going on with you from wherever you are.

Others will have good advice for you and support. PC is a great place for this. (((hugs)))

Thanks, no I've not been diagnosed by a phayciatrust and I feel depressed and hopeless everyday this has been ongoing for years, it's impossible for me to relax Enough and do pleaseurable activities or even appreciate what I'm doing or have, it's like I'm running away or while I'm doing this thing I'm thinking about the next thing rather than enjoying this moment, my grandmother was diagnosed scizphrenic and I can it can be partly hereditary.

Perhaps I could seek some professional help on my travels.

Self medicating?

[Bungipaysme]

Initially no, I wanted to be confident and it made me a stronger person, now I self medicate to calm my nerves and relax my mind because of the depression, but it almost always ends with a black out.

[Sunflower123]

Hello. Welcome to PC

[Shazerac]

Welcome to psych central are you still taking the med that you were prescribed when you got diagnosed with GAD?

Traveling around can be fun, but it can also be a way to avoid facing your problems. I've heard it said that "No matter where you go you take yourself with you."

We can't diagnose you, but it sounds like you could use some help. It might be time to stay in one place and seek out a therapist or doctor.

Originally Posted by Bungipaysme

Thanks, no I've not been diagnosed by a phayciatrust and I feel depressed and hopeless everyday this has been ongoing for years, it's impossible for me to relax Enough and do pleaseurable activities or even appreciate what I'm doing or have, it's like I'm running away or while I'm doing this thing I'm thinking about the next thing rather than enjoying this moment, my grandmother was diagnosed scizphrenic and I can it can be partly hereditary.

Perhaps I could seek some professional help on my travels.

I see... yes, it seems you need professional help and to be evaluated by a psych doc. Perhaps you can see one while you are still traveling or upon your return back? ((((Hugs))))) I hope you can find some resolution soon.