[Ototot]

Ok Just read my risk assessment/summary and it says I used to offer oral sex to men to secure their time and do handyman jobs. Yes I did in the past when completely intoxicated by alcohol. But these days I don't get drunk for about the last 5 months and I haven't been offering oral sex to men for some time maybe 4 years or more. Can't help but feel ashamed of myself. Wondering what my care coordinator OT thinks of me now.... well I can only attribute it to being sexually abused by my dad in childhood and sexually harassed by him....because why else would I do that??? I'm feeling like a crap piece because maybe I used to abuse myself offering oral sex to men when drunk. What's your perspective of things? Please advise. Thanks

[ruthful]

Hi Ototot,

I'm sorry that your dad sexually abused and harassed you during childhood. You bear no responsibility for your dad's behavior.

I do think there's an association between your offering of oral sex to men while intoxicated and the sexual abuse you suffered from your father.

You've experienced trauma, and you did not ask for it, or bring it upon yourself, so there's nothing to be ashamed of.

Your care coordinator will not think less of you when you tell him/her about your past sexual behavior. Just the opposite.

I applaud your courage. It will take time and therapy, but I know that you will heal the wounds. And you'll fell so much better. And you deserve to feel better.

Originally Posted by Ototot

Ok Just read my risk assessment/summary and it says I used to offer oral sex to men to secure their time and do handyman jobs. Yes I did in the past when completely intoxicated by alcohol. But these days I don't get drunk for about the last 5 months and I haven't been offering oral sex to men for some time maybe 4 years or more. Can't help but feel ashamed of myself. Wondering what my care coordinator OT thinks of me now.... well I can only attribute it to being sexually abused by my dad in childhood and sexually harassed by him....because why else would I do that??? I'm feeling like a crap piece because maybe I used to abuse myself offering oral sex to men when drunk. What's your perspective of things? Please advise. Thanks

"Why else would people do that?" Because they enjoy it. Some of them. Does not sound like you enjoyed it at all, though. Good you stopped doing it. I used to do sexual things i´m not proud of for god knows what reason, but it´s in the past and all i can do is try my best to never think of it. It´s not like you´re "tainted" forever or whatever, people do really change. i believe.

[crystal blue]

I think when some people have had a bad relationship with their father they may look to fix that problem with the current people in their life. I don't think it is a conscious thing they pre-plan. This could be what happened to you.

[Agent Misty]

Sounds like the alcohol played a role as to "why would you do that". Really there is no reason to feel prolonged shame... just manage the contributing factors that you can. I don't drink anymore myself because every time I do, I don't have enough fingers to count the things I regretted doing the night before while drunk. My major problem was not getting drunk in itself, but getting TOO drunk much of the time. Sigh. When drinking with people I was always the one going a bit overboard... And occasionally way overboard. The result was having regrets for way to long instead of just quitting.

[All Is Revealed]

Ototot,

You might think, "How did I stoop so low?" Your mistakes and flaws are what make you strong. You don't want to be a bad person, so try to make up for it by doing good day by day.

Try to think of the positive. Your behaviors have changed, and you are no longer offering men oral sex and getting drunk like you used to. You've made a lot of progress, and that is what matters. You are a great person today. Today is what counts.

[shezbut]

((((Ototot))))

That time in your life isn't here anymore. I can understand your regret of the things that you did several years ago. We all live with terrible regrets that can sometimes haunt us. Imo, that's what is happening with you.

If these regrets have been darkening your mood for more than a week or so, maybe you should think about mentioning the entire story to your therapist (T). If you are in T, and have been holding back this part of your life, this may be your cue that you are ready to discuss this part of your life to your T... and you're scared of what may happen.

I can assure you that your T will not look down upon you for these things that happened years ago. They will most likely be very reassuring to you. In my personal experience, holding my sexual abuse & resulting behavior didn't help me at all. I *needed* to talk about it. My guess is that you do too.

Gentle hugs sent your way honey. You are a good person. You made some mistakes, but you're just human. You are okay.

[winter loneliness]

I dated a handyman and gave him oral sex because I loved him.

I can't and won't judge you. We do what we do.

[bpforever1]

Hmm, what is wrong with oral sex? I like sex and do oral sex too. However, I don't have any lover now because I am too busy. But, I have had oral sex and don't understand what the issue is about. If you like giving oral sex and are not promiscuous then don't worry about it. You should not feel ashamed about it. Because you were drunk and gave oral sex does not mean you are a bad person either. I would not worry about it too much especially if you are not doing it anymore.

[Ototot]

Thank you everyone for your loving kindness and empathy and reassurance that I'm a good person. It means a lot to me (hugs). So I told the OT care coordinator I put her straight I said the risk assessment says I offered oral sex to men, but it did not say I offered when I was severely intoxicated with alcohol (off my head drunk). Well the coordinator didn't judge me look down to me or anything like that. I told her I can only attribute the offering of oral sex whilst drunk due to childhood sexual abuse and I got the impression she agreed. She said we can look at the risk assessment together and identify what's not correct at our next appointment. I said also to her that since 5 years ago I have not offered oral sex to men and that I've had 2 one night stands since and the rest of the stuff I did I was pressured into- I did not offer and I said the other sexual stuff I did was with J- that's all I've done in the last 5 years...well earlier today I was thinking OMG the previous OT and previous nurse And other nurse must have been thinking what a slut I am because it says I offered oral sex to men, and doesn't say it was under influence of alcohol. I guess I feel less bad now because you guys have said it's in the past and I'm not doing that anymore, don't really drink these days either just a beer a night sometimes...