Fear holding me back. Lonely.

I'm kind of concerned that I'm wasting my life. I'm pretty much just really lonely right now. I notice that there's not much I feel like doing with other people in groups (involving doing new things, meeting new people, etc), out of fear and also depression. I don't have a job. I'm interested in taking a writing class and also in dating. But taking a writing class scares me (sharing my work? Eek!), and I've had a lot of dating difficulties in the past, so I think it's best to take break from online dating right now.

I know this is stuff I need to work on in therapy. But I'm not sure my therapist is equipped? And for financial reasons, I can't leave right now. She's not bad at what she does. So I will bring it up to her again. Sometimes I think I don't give her enough credit. But as far as I know, she doesn't really do CBT. I know I need to advocate for myself though. She can't know what's in my head without me saying, and she will work with me.

Things that ARE going well: I feel the need to post what's going well, too, as a reminder to myself, that my life does not completely suck. So here are the things that are going well in my life: 1.) I have some friends. It's nice. 2.) I'm getting support from a mental health org and with their support, I'm moving out of my parents house next week. 3.) I feel a shift in my faith, and had a revelation today that I want to go to church, and that maybe living a Christian life can heal me. It seems to have really worked for some other people I know.

Thanks for listening.

I go through times in my life now even with everything going fairly well that I just need to take a break & only do the things I absolutely have to & even those things I procrastinate on at times.

Lonely isn't ALL BAD. it's during those times when it is easier for us to gather our thoughts & feelings together & gain a better self understanding. I thought for awhile if I ever let myself get back there I would never get out again but found once I recooperated from an overload I got back to doing what I was normally interested in. A few things I kept pushing myself to do during those times but mostly just needed space & hibernation time.....& IT'S OK!!!!

I would go ahead & push your T to help you work on the things you know you need. You are the one paying your T to give you the help you need. Oh my, I truly miss my awesome T who I haven't seen since the end of June. She left where I was seeing her & opened private practice. I just need to email her to get started up again but was trying to get bills paid down before accruing more expenses.

Your good points are important to keep in mind...good friends, good mental health support & independence.......wonderful things happening in your life!!!

Just remember on #3 it's not living a Christian life that heals but it is our RELATIONSHIP with God that is healing.....if you ever feel like talking more about this I'm only a PM away. I understand what you are saying & was in a similar place 10 years ago

Thank you EskieLover! Yes, maybe it's ok to hibernate sometimes. I will talk to my T. I will PM you. I have no clue what I'm doing with #3. My first plan is to attend church.

Glad you have a T to talk with.

That is a good place to start with #3

Could you get a book about CBT and learn more about it yourself? Once you start some of the logs or worksheets you could share them with your therapist. I understand being lonely and scared. Kudos on the things that are going well in your life. I hope the move next week goes smoothly. Best wishes.

I am sorry you have been feeling fearful Starry but how fantastic you are receiving support to live indenpently of your parents!

I am wondering if preparing for this move has made you a little fearful? I know it would have for me. Sometimes I find when I have one big fear lots of little ones spring up to keep it company, it's like I go into anxiety mode.

It's funny you write about withdrawing a little, I am feeling that way IRL at the moment and I even wondered if it were seasonally linked, like hunkering down for the winter. I do agree with Eskie that it's okay to have space and hibernation time, it's what we need sometimes to sort our thoughts out.

Hope you will keep on in the general progress you are making, it sounds like you are doing really well in many areas.

I like that idea. Thank you Jennifer.

Hi Prefab . Yes, I'm very nervous about moving. I'm being very courageous in moving (fear present, still going ahead). But I'm glad it's a program. I will be getting support. You could be right that this move is shaking up other parts of me. Thank you for the kind words and support. It's encouraging to hear what my life sounds like from an outside perspective. .

Wish you good luck with moving!

Thank you MickeyCheeky!!

My son has overcome addiction to numerous prescription and non-prescription drugs. During the year when he was getting used to being drug free, he constantly complained about how much his life sucked. I asked him, for just one day, to go about his day as if he had the most amazing life. Just be positive, or at least stop being negative, for just one day. He did that and that's the day he met the new love of his life. This new person uplifted him and they stayed together for a long time. The only reason they broke up after a long relationship was because my son has decided to move back to Canada to be with us. He's currently living in New Zealand. His life changed that day. I think it's because positive attracts positive and negative attracts negative. Being positive won't fix your life, because your currently existing life was created from past decisions. But it can pave the way for a better tomorrow. I was told this a very long time ago and I didn't believe it. Being positive today is about putting positive things into your future. Being positive today doesn't fix today, it fixes tomorrow. And kudos to you for counting your blessings, literally with numbers!

(((((((((( starrysky ))))))))))

How are you feeling today Starry?

It's always good to see a professional, but you can also practice CBT techniques on your own. I do it right out of a book. It sounds to me like analyzing your wants and needs, and then developing a plan (setting goals) to meet said wants and needs will be useful.

Right out of my SMART Recovery workbook:

Goals should be SMART: Specific, Measurable, Agreeable, Realistic, and Time Bound

Sounds like you'd like to increase your social life and get out more. Start with something simple, like "I will spend 2 hours per week with a friend doing X (whatever you and your friends like to do)" or "I will call 3 friends this week and ask them how they are doing"

I'm no therapist, but I find that for myself, doing this helps IMMENSELY. It keeps me from literally doing nothing, which is what I naturally do given no external pressure.

"I will study for 4 hours today, from 12pm to 4pm"

Y'know, stuff like that.

[QUOTE=starrysky;5870508]I'm kind of concerned that I'm wasting my life. I'm pretty much just really lonely right now. I notice that there's not much I feel like doing with other people in groups (involving doing new things, meeting new people, etc), out of fear and also depression. I don't have a job. I'm interested in taking a writing class and also in dating. But taking a writing class scares me (sharing my work? Eek!), and I've had a lot of dating difficulties in the past, so I think it's best to take break from online dating right now.

I know this is stuff I need to work on in therapy. But I'm not sure my therapist is equipped? And for financial reasons, I can't leave right now. She's not bad at what she does. So I will bring it up to her again. Sometimes I think I don't give her enough credit. But as far as I know, she doesn't really do CBT. I know I need to advocate for myself though. She can't know what's in my head without me saying, and she will work with me.

Things that ARE going well: I feel the need to post what's going well, too, as a reminder to myself, that my life does not completely suck. So here are the things that are going well in my life: 1.) I have some friends. It's nice. 2.) I'm getting support from a mental health org and with their support, I'm moving out of my parents house next week. 3.) I feel a shift in my faith, and had a revelation today that I want to go to church, and that maybe living a Christian life can heal me. It seems to have really worked for some other people I know.

Thanks for listening.[
I completely understand what you are saying because I feel the same way that you do. This is exactly how I feel. Hang in there it will get better.

I am so lonely. I am constantly isolated. People treated me very differently. I am treated as if I am the problem when I join in a conservation with someone. People in general ignored me and no matter what I do to try to change myself I can't seem to break the shadow hanging over me.

Hi everyone, I completely missed seeing that I had a bunch of responses here. Thank you for the support. Seth, thanks for the suggestions. I think I have that book you're talking about. Prefab, thanks for checking in on me. Fuzzy, thanks for the hugs. Buffy, *hugs* to you. Thanks for relating to me and I'm sorry you're struggling. Claire robin, that's an interesting thought. While I don't know how much I buy into the law of attraction, I do believe in the power of positivity. It is powerful. Thank you.

So I'm moved in! I've been here exactly a week. Its going pretty well. I've been really busy. I'd been also dealing with a med change. But everything feels like its settled now. I'm comfortable here and like having my own place.

I tried to get myself to go to a meditation group tonight, but ended upstaging home. I am really not a nighttime person when it comes to going out and doing well, anything. I'm much more of a daytime person. I still want to do stuff at night sometimes. But in reality, I hardly ever actually want to. I have been busy and active in general though. I have been volunteering, and really, just doing a lot of moving in stuff. I went to a yoga class earlier this week. It was really nice.

I'm going to journal about my goals and desires sometime. Sometimes, journaling can ground me.

I also wanted to say, thank you to the people who said that maybe hibernating is something I needed to do. I think you were right. It is something that happens when I'm overwhelmed. We are not perfect superheroes. I wish I was. I wish I was "Do Everything Woman." But I'm alas, only a mere human.