[Noninde]

I'm in distress. Fight or flight. I'm in a bad situation that won't be fixed what looks like anytime soon. It is most likely to get worse. There is trauma and abuse involved, and it is ongoing. It has been 18 months of constant and accelerating bad news and external actors causing mental health issues.

And most days now I find myself whispering 'help, help, help, help, help, help, help' endlessly.

And though I don't believe in it, I ask my family and friends that have passed, 'help, I pray, please, help'.

And those that are still alive, I have asked for help or they have offered. I feel like they must be watching a movie, where all the terrible things happen to us, and they can do nothing other than empathize, offer sympathy, and occasionally yell 'watch out!'

I don't know what I did to have such bad luck, I don't know how to stop it. I'm trying to battle everything head on, but there's only so much one pair of people can handle.

[Yaowen]

Dear Noninde,

I am so very, very sorry you are overwhelmed with so many heavy burdens. I can't even imagine how difficult it must be for you. Wish I knew what to say to ease you pain and grief!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

I am so sorry that you are struggling, in distress, and in an abusive situation, Noninde. Are there social services where you are? Can you get some form community support? I wish I had magic words to help. It theres something I can say to help, let me know.

[MickeyCheeky]

So Sorry that things are being bad! i am afraid i can't do much more other than listen and provide Support but if you need that i am here and Hopefully many others as well. Feel free to share more if you wish to. i Hope things will improve really soon. Do you have a therapist whom may be able to Help you during these difficult times? Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Noninde, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Noninde]

I'm going to ruin myself but will try to get the house fully packed by the end of the weekend. Maybe we move to family's house, maybe we move into a temporary accommodation but we can't stay around people who will actively try to hurt us.
I don't know what the temporary accommodation looks like, and I'm so scared, but what else can I do?
Who else can help? who else would help?
We have three sets of people lying and trying to harm us, simultaneously, while burdened with a year and half of trauma and grief.
I'm just begging for one thing to work out and I don't know how to make that so. Why has it been so long and we have had every last thing go wrong. What did I do?
Even if I have therapy and processing for ten+ years after this how will I ever trust again or have hope?
In the midst of hell I lost my boy, I lost my best friend, I don't know why this is happening. I didn't when they died, and I don't know why it's still escalating.
Things seemed ok for a few weeks, then hell broke free once again.
I just want to have time to mourn. Why is that so hard.
I have his ashes in a grab and go bag in case they come to attack us or try to burn the house down.
I beg for help and no one stops it. I try my best and I can't get any footing.

[Noninde]

I keep letting myself hope that this is the bottom, the very bottom.

And every day, every time,
there's something worse.

Why won't it stop?
I need sleep, I need to feel safe. And I won't tonight.

Thanks, universe.

[MsLady]

There are transition homes for abused women and children. There are emergency hotlines. If your children are being abused, document and get them out. Did your boy pass due to abuse? I'm so sorry about that. That's heartbreaking. Please get help by removing yourselves out of the home asap.

[MickeyCheeky]

So Sorry for your Losses! i agree with the wise and wonderful MsLady. There are shelters to accomodate women who are in bad situations like you seem to be so if you have the chance definitely try to move immediately. It seems like you're already packing your things and i think that is a wise decision if that environment is truly dangerous for you and your Family. Please do keep us updated if you can and want to. Stay Safe and call the police if it proves necessary. i Hope and Pray to God that things will turn out Well for all of you and everyone. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Noninde, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!