[itsjustme111]

I got a call from the childrens dad. (in between all of this). he he.
The first call was not that good. We did not do so well; I disconnected. I do hang up on him when he is being rude. About 5mins after, he phoned back. I answered. He asked to talk to the kids. My daughter (jess) came on. The poor thing totally fell apart. I heard her say, "dad, I want to be with mom, sorry." She did not say much more than that, she was crying so hard. I sat beside her and held her hand, as much as I wanted to run and cry. Then my son went on. He was happy at first. Then the tears came. My son said, "but dad will you be mad if I tell you? I dont want to hurt your feelings. I want to live with mom." They talked for a minute then my son handed the phone to me. My ex said to me, "I have one question; are you willing and able to take the kids on a full time basis?"
I think my mouth dropped through the floor into the basement. I said, "of course, what do you think I have been fighting for?"
He said, "things are going to change, I have been thinking a lot. As for the examinations on Tuesday and Wednesday, I realize that we cant go ahead at this time....... but I need to know whats wrong right now, you are having problems arent you?" I said "yes, but I just need some time to re-group. My doctor wants me to rest and sort through this stuff. I need to deal with some of this grief, its been hard."
He said, "okay, I will arrange the kids to come home early." "But I need to know if you are going to be okay or if your illness is going to prevent the kids from stability when they are with you."
I said, "no, because I am dealing with it, will take some time but it will be okay."
SSOOO; this is what he left me with. SOME HOPE; IS IT POSSIBLE??? Oh God; please let this be true. If he gives me full time care; maybe then I can relax; this battle will finally settle some. Maybe it wont be so hard to see the light at the end; maybe I can deal with the rest of my issues. Get on some meds; control the paranoid things that I am dealing with. IS THIS POSSIBLE??? IS THIS HAPPENING? WHAT MADE HIM CHANGE HIS MIND. WAS IT THE HONESTY THAT MY KIDS SHOWED HIM???
So, my boyfriend arranged something else for this afternoon. I will be going to my appointment at 1. So I better get my butt in gear. I am going to agree to h; for tomorrow. I will let you all know.
My thoughts will be with all of you. Your strength will be with me.
Your support and encouragment will be in my heart.
justy

[(JD)]

Alllllll riiiiiggghhhhhtttt! Okay hang in there... remember, I will be off the computer (for less than a week I think.) So don't get upset if you don't see me comment! LOL

<font color=green> ...slip sliding away... slip sliding away....

Just a glimmer of hope; good for you.
Make sure you get the help you need so you can be there for your babies.
Jon

[gloria]

Light at the end of the tunnel .... You see!!!

gab

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((justy)))))))))))))))

[itsjustme111]

What do I say, Wow!!!!!!!!! ((sky)) I will remember that you wont be on; thanks for reminding me; hope you do good for those times away.
I am back from the doctors. Here it is; He sank some reality in me; kind of feel not so "high". He reminded me that my ex did this before; then bang he took me to court. Right after is when I ended up in h. So I do need to consider what kind of person he really is; but there is always the hope that this time he is being honest. My doc really made me think though; he said look at what he and his lawyer are doing then today he wants to just give up the kids??? Very true and this hit me hard. BBBBUUUUTTTT; I need to hold on to some of that hope right now or I will give up. I think what my doc wanted to say is I need to be prepared for the good and the bad. He is very right.
So, I am going in tomorrow. I am supposed to phone him first to ensure when I will be there. I have to wait for my ex to call to see when he will be here; probably not till late afternoon.
(sweet); thanks for the encouragment to tell him about the paranoid issue. I told him some not all. It was a start and I found it hard to do. He said we will work things out one step at a time but meds are needed for this. He said we will discuss it tomorrow. Funny though; I figured before I left to see him; I am going to hold it together today; he he; ya right. He has a way of bringing it out thats for sure. I will miss you all so much. I find the staff at this hospital really great though. I had a good experience in this one; not the one out of town from here. He reassured me today that he will not send me there. I am glad he respects this.
justy

[dexter]

I think the doc is absolutely right itsjustme. It is OK to hold onto some hope but don't make your success or failure (emotionally) revolve around that. The most important thing is to stick with your plan and get treatment. That is going to give you the strength to deal with this either way and if your ex is finally relenting then that will be an added bonus.

I also believe that once you are more "grounded" you will be much better able to deal with either scenario... make the most of it if it is good, and continue to work at it if it is not.

Work hard in the hospital for your own welfare. Don't hold stuff back. We wish you the best, and we will be here to hear how you make out.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[SweetCrusader]

you're welcome. everything will be ok. (((((hugs)))))

crossing my fingers for you....

-comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable-

[itsjustme111]

Hey all; thanks again. It was great to get this. I was at ER all night with my son. He had a wicked migrane. Poor little thing; had to have an IV. He is fine now; sleeping. I just got home. It was so nice to get this though. I will come on tomorrow before I leave. Oh, my family doctor was there tonight. Kind of funny; we spoke a while and he said; see you soon.

justy

[dexter]

itsjustme... it is good to hear from you too. You sound "ready" for this if that makes any sense, and I think that is a necessary part of getting full benefit of your time there.

I hope your son feels better. Hopefully with some sleep he will be back to normal. This must all be stressful for your children too so try to think about how much better things will be as you continue recovery and feel better... you will no longer have to be stressed out about "hiding" things from them... I am sure they pick up on that. I believe they will be very comforted to know that you are getting help, and when you feel better there should be less stress all around.

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--http://www.idexter.com