Do you think this was rude?

Yes, it was rude. Jeremy is a nice name. I faile to see how a child ends up gay because of their name.

I had a friend (male) named Shirley, I assure you he wasn't gay.

Rainbowzz,

Your post was added while I was posting my last response.....appreciate the clarification. You are right, your Mother has other things going & is in desparate need of therapy.

It is sad when we want to include someone in our life so badly. We continually want to give them chances over & over again, hoping that they will be the kind of person we dream of having in our life. When we feel this way, we will try everything we can possibly think of to make it happen. Sadly, there can come a time when we realize it just won't happen & that the best thing we can do for ourselves is to leave the relationship completely.....expecially if we are being harmed mentally (or physically) by the relationship. Then we always look at it & say....but we are allowing ourselves to be hurt by it? Problem is that there are some behaviours that the only normal response by anyone would be to be hurt & we aren't just allowing ourselves to be hurt because there is no other way to respond. That is the time when we have to set our boundaries & not feel bad about them.

You know your mother & it is sad that her opinions & reactions keep her from being there to support you with your bisexual issues & be able to talk to you about your feelings rationally as a mature person. By support, I don't even mean that she has to agree with your choice, but be able to discuss all sides with you, so that you would have a better understanding of where the other point of view, (moral belief) comes from. When a person reacts judgmentally as your mother does, sadly, it keeps their point of view from even being listened to & keeps them from being a good supportive parent.

Unfortunately, it sounds like you mother has many mental issues that are keeping her from being a good parent in the first place let alone being there for you on serious issues.

I guess if you have never had an encounter with your Mother or listened to her about her feelings on gays, or bisexuality, then testing out the waters might have been needed. Sometimes, we know what the response will be by just knowing the person & their personality & how they react to things previously. Then it's best to keep the confrontational issues out of the picture.

Knowing her feelings, it would have been just as good to warn Jeremy before he came about your Mother so he would be prepared. Just because someone is VERY feminine, doesn't mean they choose to act on it & live the gay lifestyle. Some people who are VERY feminine, still feel that living the gay lifestyle is morally wrong for themselves & will choose not to act on their feelings no matter how VERY feminine they feel. (the point I was making in my first post that is a conscious choice just as the choice to cheat or not cheat on ones marriage). That is why it's less likely for someone to make a rude comment if they don't know for sure that someone is living in the gay lifestyle they are opposed to & usually will continue to guess without saying anything to the person (unless they are a completely rude person as your Mother might very well be).

Sadly, there comes a point in problem relationships where we have to understand that the person just will not be there for us & will not change no matter how much we wish it would happen. That is when we have to figure out action we need to take to make sure we are no longer hurt by the relationship....parent/child, husband/wife, friend/friend.

I know you are going through a rough time & wish you the strength to take care of yourself & your new child.
Debbie

Hi Rain,

I am very sorry that your mothers comments have hurt you so deeply.

I, too, can relateon this subject: with my spouse. He is extremely prejudice (and vocal) regarding anything that isn't 100% mainstream (whatever that is, he has never clarified). It is constantly on my mind, especially since I am still raising 2 young children.

I wish you peace!

Dee

I cannot believe that a person could be that rude to her daughter! Even if she doesn't approve of Jeremy's lifestyle, it is neither the time or place to discuss it. You made your choice for your own reasons, which make sense to me.

When my wife was pregnant with our only child, we chose two names. A boy would be named Jeremy! Great name! But, we had a girl. We had no problems with my parents or my in-laws as far as the name was concerned. We decided that a boy's name would start with J, or a girl with L, out of respect to precious relatives that have passed on. For middle names, the boy would have my middle name, as did my father and grandfather. The girl would have the middle name Rae, after my sister (who happens to be developmentally disabled) and my elderly aunt, two people that we love very much. No judgments calls from anyone. It was our choice to make.

Tell your mother to grow up!

bfG

You are right to be offended... Mothers can be so insensitive and they are often very stubborn! I hope that you will be able to fix things with her before she makes your life miserable.
Lily

((( HUGS ))) - I am sorry you had to go thru this with your mother... it sounds to me that maybe your mother is uncomfortable with the whole gay thing and not just with your friend, but with ideal in general... most probably brought about due to the era of her upbringing when people were not as accepting to that which was different from the norm........ try to hang in there and not let this comment from your mother upset you to much or damage the mother daughter relationship right before the birth of your baby / her grandchild.

IMO..... this is more about your mothers insecurities than about you or your child.

It's rude...

Name your baby whatever you want for whatever reason you want...I think Jeremy is a good name and the reasoning behind it is good too.

Your friend being gay has absolutely nothing to do with it whatsoever.

It is rude, especially to me because I have tons of friends that are gay/bi. I don't know, maybe she really is mean or was trying to joke with you but said the wrong thing..?

its more than rude, its ignorant. she can disagree with the lifestyle all she wants, but assuming the kid will be gay because it was named after a gay man is just rediculous. I understand your feelings because my mom is much the same way. I feel embarassed by her when she makes racist or gay comments that are totally rediculous like that. Like she said even if she liked Barack Obama, she wouldnt vote for him because his dad is muslim and he would blow up the united states. its really emabarassing but she actually said that. Maybe our moms should get together and hang out lol. Take their intolerance out on each other instead of on us!