A New Start? Where do I Start?

I need a fresh start; my whole family does. So I'm taking inspiration from @Have Hope...

Cast of Characters...

Me...

• I'm in my 60s, married.
• Just got laid off from a design job of a very specific obscure type of technology.
• Still owe mortgage and daughter's student loan.
• I like the town I live in, but would prefer living somewhere remote
• I'm so very VERY tired of...
  • Medical insurance & bills
  • fast-paced work environments that need energetic, self-starters, multi-taskers
  • acting normal

Wife (DW)

• has bizarre unpredictable medical issues.
• has anxiety, lacks self-regulation
• hates the town we live in; wants "good" neighbors
• actively hates her dead mother -- blames her for everything
• lost her disability case, but is clearly disabled & somewhat homebound

Daughter (DD)

• lives halfway across the country...
• with a needy partner
• doesn't like where she lives
• Autism, ADHD, struggles with ADL

Daughter's Partner (DP)

• Needy, mentally-ill, (schizo)
• Meds cause that tardive thing
• trans, possibly taking hormones
• "disowned" by parents

Wife Best Female Friend (FF)

• Wonderful person
• lives one non-stop flight away

Wife Best Male Friend (MF)

• Wonderful person
• lives a few towns away

Cat

• needy, scared & loves only my wife
• loner cat, can't have another
• "gift" from evil MIL

The goals:

• Get another well-paying job with benefits
• Live closer to daughter
• Live closer to FF and/or MF
• Live among nature, near a forest
• Live in a climate-change-safe area
• Renew friendships & relationships
• Retire in 8 years
• Outsource medical paperwork: bills, insurance, advocacy

I've become worn out caring for my wife, struggling to pay medical bills and living expenses.

The house hasn't been kept up, but I could sell it to one of those investors, "we pay cash for your house" folks, which would net a lot of cash and eliminate the mortgage. (Rent would be more than our current mortgage, though.)

One idea I had is to get hired somewhere near FF, MF or DD with a relocation package included.

Question, how do I find a place that my wife, DD, and I would like to live in that's climate-change-friendly? Are there online quizzes we could take?

Just google it "climate change least impact in usa".

Just an idea...if you choose to stay in your home you could try for a reverse mortgage. We did that and it literally saved us. How many times has your wife applied for disability? From experience I know you have to keep applying ad nauseum (sp?). There's a site that lists best places to live according to what you're looking for.
I'd like to live in a forest with elves, myself.

Yes, living in the forest with elves sounds nice, but would they want us there? I've heard of the reverse mortgage. I think it's good for folks who need cash and want to stay in their homes, but I'm in favor of not staying. Thank you for taking time to reply!

Makes sense. One site shows Vermont with the lowest score for climate change risk. In general the Northeast looks pretty good, except for Maine.. This matches my intuition. Also in agreement with intuition is Colorado and Minnesota.

I recall flooding was a problem in Vermont, but not in terms of property damage. Rather, the roads in valleys flooded. As a result, hilltop communities became isolated.

I can just identify with your need to " start over ". I think I've finally reached the point of deciding to care about ME ! After trying to please everyone in my life and just being used for so many years I'm going to live these final years for ME ! I don't care ( well I really do but I can't let that stop me".) Can't trust anyone.....
It's going to be very difficult but if I don't do this I probably will wind up in a very dark place. And I think you know what I mean by that........
When things have to change , I have to change them. It's not going to happen by itself......

Good for you, @moodyblue83! I wish you all the best!

At work we used to say "Trust, but verify." But this was in the context of design and manufacture of electrical components. Not sure how well it works with people.

The recent surgery left me feeling the need to connect more with loved ones. I had been trying to please my employer above all else.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SquarePegGuy Good for you, @moodyblue83! I wish you all the best! At work we used to say "Trust, but verify." But this was in the context of design and manufacture of electrical components. Not sure how well it works with people. The recent surgery left me feeling the need to connect more with loved ones. I had been trying to please my employer above all else.

Trust but verify I think was said by Ronald Reagan back in his negotiations with Russia over nuclear weapons. I kind of feel like it does apply to people too. Because if you believe the lies ...... if your told things like " I love you " etc.... but she /he is screwing around behind your back ....well , you trust , but you never verify ....
Well all this can lead to a nuclear explosion !!! I'll be nice , I'll be helpful , I'll care ,
But I'm not going to be that way to " please" anyone. I do it for ME. Cause it makes me feel good. But on the other hand you can't overdo it. There's a lot of greedy people out there ready to take advantage of your kindness. It sucks that you have to figure all this **** out ! BUT your due diligence can prevent a catastrophic event. Sorry for the rant. I just had surgery and my wife came to visit and you can see how much she really didn't want to be there. I told her just to go.. Good luck on your journey.