A New Start? Where do I Start?

I need a fresh start; my whole family does. So I'm taking inspiration from @Have Hope...

Cast of Characters...

Me...

• I'm in my 60s, married.
• Just got laid off from a design job of a very specific obscure type of technology.
• Still owe mortgage and daughter's student loan.
• I like the town I live in, but would prefer living somewhere remote
• I'm so very VERY tired of...
  • Medical insurance & bills
  • fast-paced work environments that need energetic, self-starters, multi-taskers
  • acting normal

Wife (DW)

• has bizarre unpredictable medical issues.
• has anxiety, lacks self-regulation
• hates the town we live in; wants "good" neighbors
• actively hates her dead mother -- blames her for everything
• lost her disability case, but is clearly disabled & somewhat homebound

Daughter (DD)

• lives halfway across the country...
• with a needy partner
• doesn't like where she lives
• Autism, ADHD, struggles with ADL

Daughter's Partner (DP)

• Needy, mentally-ill, (schizo)
• Meds cause that tardive thing
• trans, possibly taking hormones
• "disowned" by parents

Wife Best Female Friend (FF)

• Wonderful person
• lives one non-stop flight away

Wife Best Male Friend (MF)

• Wonderful person
• lives a few towns away

Cat

• needy, scared & loves only my wife
• loner cat, can't have another
• "gift" from evil MIL

The goals:

• Get another well-paying job with benefits
• Live closer to daughter
• Live closer to FF and/or MF
• Live among nature, near a forest
• Live in a climate-change-safe area
• Renew friendships & relationships
• Retire in 8 years
• Outsource medical paperwork: bills, insurance, advocacy

I've become worn out caring for my wife, struggling to pay medical bills and living expenses.

The house hasn't been kept up, but I could sell it to one of those investors, "we pay cash for your house" folks, which would net a lot of cash and eliminate the mortgage. (Rent would be more than our current mortgage, though.)

One idea I had is to get hired somewhere near FF, MF or DD with a relocation package included.

Question, how do I find a place that my wife, DD, and I would like to live in that's climate-change-friendly? Are there online quizzes we could take?

Just google it "climate change least impact in usa".

Just an idea...if you choose to stay in your home you could try for a reverse mortgage. We did that and it literally saved us. How many times has your wife applied for disability? From experience I know you have to keep applying ad nauseum (sp?). There's a site that lists best places to live according to what you're looking for.
I'd like to live in a forest with elves, myself.

Yes, living in the forest with elves sounds nice, but would they want us there? I've heard of the reverse mortgage. I think it's good for folks who need cash and want to stay in their homes, but I'm in favor of not staying. Thank you for taking time to reply!

Makes sense. One site shows Vermont with the lowest score for climate change risk. In general the Northeast looks pretty good, except for Maine.. This matches my intuition. Also in agreement with intuition is Colorado and Minnesota.

I recall flooding was a problem in Vermont, but not in terms of property damage. Rather, the roads in valleys flooded. As a result, hilltop communities became isolated.

I can just identify with your need to " start over ". I think I've finally reached the point of deciding to care about ME ! After trying to please everyone in my life and just being used for so many years I'm going to live these final years for ME ! I don't care ( well I really do but I can't let that stop me".) Can't trust anyone.....
It's going to be very difficult but if I don't do this I probably will wind up in a very dark place. And I think you know what I mean by that........
When things have to change , I have to change them. It's not going to happen by itself......

Good for you, @moodyblue83! I wish you all the best!

At work we used to say "Trust, but verify." But this was in the context of design and manufacture of electrical components. Not sure how well it works with people.

The recent surgery left me feeling the need to connect more with loved ones. I had been trying to please my employer above all else.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SquarePegGuy Good for you, @moodyblue83! I wish you all the best! At work we used to say "Trust, but verify." But this was in the context of design and manufacture of electrical components. Not sure how well it works with people. The recent surgery left me feeling the need to connect more with loved ones. I had been trying to please my employer above all else.

Trust but verify I think was said by Ronald Reagan back in his negotiations with Russia over nuclear weapons. I kind of feel like it does apply to people too. Because if you believe the lies ...... if your told things like " I love you " etc.... but she /he is screwing around behind your back ....well , you trust , but you never verify ....
Well all this can lead to a nuclear explosion !!! I'll be nice , I'll be helpful , I'll care ,
But I'm not going to be that way to " please" anyone. I do it for ME. Cause it makes me feel good. But on the other hand you can't overdo it. There's a lot of greedy people out there ready to take advantage of your kindness. It sucks that you have to figure all this **** out ! BUT your due diligence can prevent a catastrophic event. Sorry for the rant. I just had surgery and my wife came to visit and you can see how much she really didn't want to be there. I told her just to go.. Good luck on your journey.

Maybe think about getting a well-paying remote job in your industry and move to a location of choice. That way you're not bound to the jobs available only locally to the area you choose. And glad you feel inspired to make big life changes. I was, and my life is far better now than it was two years ago when I started down this path of transformation.

Good advice, @Have Hope! I've been applying to remote, hybrid and on-site jobs. My "gig-speed" internet is awesome.

I hope you recover quickly from your surgery, @moodyblue83! I posted about the effect of anesthesia on mood a couple f days ago. Take your time, rest.

If you're looking for rural while still having access to civilization, Vermont's your state. It's pretty much small towns, lots of forests and farmlands, tourist destinations (mostly at ski resorts), and Burlington (which it's been a while but I remember it being a really cool, liberal, laid back city). They can get some pretty wild storms, but have a generator, check the weather, and don't be stupid and try and ski at Jay Peak in an arctic blast, and you'll be fine. Your own reliable transportation is a must though, cell service is limited, most of the state has mid-sized mountains by northeast standards, so if you get stuck in a ditch in a storm you might be SOL for a bit.

It's also legal to pass on a double yellow in certain cases.

The flooding is usually localized when a big event happens, so most people are okay unless they live down low, just getting to places might take a lot of detouring after some of the spring storms that bring inches of rain and a lot of snow melt at the same time.

It sounds awesome! My wife and I stayed at a B&B in Dorset VT. We enjoyed hiking the Green Mountains during the and trendy dining in the evening.

I didn't even mind that our room had a mild infestation of carpenter ants. But it was Spring after all.

I started over at 54.....but all alone after leaving a 33 year bad marriage after my mom died & I sold her home. I had enough money to buy a small farm 2100 miles away in a small town where I didn't know anyone. Best move I even made 18 years ago. Have never been happier.

Related topic.....beware of selling to an investor. They want to give you nothing for your home. My ex did that with "our home" just before it was to be auctioned in foreclosure. Idiot managed to sell it "subject to" the loan which left us with the loan but not any ownership of the house. Personal experience, you are better off selling it "by owner" or through a RE in the "as is" condition, you will most probably get more & not get suckered into a scam situation like the "investors for cash" like to do. I used a RE & sold my mom's house "as is" & it was amazing.

Selling the house would probably be the starting place & while in that process do the job hunting & hopefully it will come together. Sometimes starting over is good.....but doesn't guarantee anything cause sometimes the old baggage that is brought along blocks a true starting over. Just something to be aware of along the way.

Wish you the best in your future

Thank you, @eskielover, I think you're right. It's still a seller's market, so I'd like to capitalize on that. And moving is what my wife wants to do, too. I wouldn't sell without having the contract reviewed by a real estate attorney.

For some reason, I feel the pull of Vermont, but I don't think my wife would like it.

They do have the densest population of black bears in the Northeast which might not be great for certain anxious types. Gotta keep the doors shut (especially around meal times—a lot of our state NH news is black bears breaking into Vermont homeowners’ kitchens or inviting their selves to the bbq).

Good point, thanks for that tip. My wife is scared of the bears.

We've been experiencing an escalating black bear situation here, too. One home break-in video shows a bear stepping through a screen door, pulling open a freezer drawer, taking something out and stepping back out the way it came. The homeowner later reported it had taken a lasagna. In another incident, a catering van was getting loaded with designer cupcakes when a bear strolled over and started eating them. And in yet another, a bear entered through a slider after following the scent of fresh-baked brownies. These incidents took place either in our town or in the one next to us.

Our bird feeder has been pulled down many times, even with the spicy hot pepper blend inside. We've stopped hanging it until hibernation season. Thing is, it hangs in front of the kitchen window, and now the bears look us in the eyes through the window. That's a new thing -- they used to be shy and avoid eye contact.

All things considered, I'd rather see a bear peering into my window than a human.

Do you have somewhat close neighbors? They might have gotten some food either from someone or while in sight of someone (or maybe these bears like a little fire in their bird food) and now are going to just be around until they get shot or hopefully sedated and relocated far away unfortunately.

I do agree it’s better to have bears on your private property than uninvited people though. Bears can only maul you, and that’s rare. Every fking day someone is horrible to someone.

I think the bears visit us because of our bird food and our garbage. They've entered the garage to get at the container I've stored the food in. They're especially fond of duck sauce in those little plastic packs.

They like our neighborhood because of the above average garbage, I think.

I'm not scared of them, but I do respect them and avoid them whenever possible.