Days pass and I feel worse.

Almost 4 weeks since losing my brother to suicide.
His wife is trying to hurt me because he had confided in me about her. He sent mediation to my home a few times (not illegal) and he was doing it way before we had started speaking again. I did stop it aswell.
However he hung himself.
His wife knows I didn't do anything illegal. This has been confirmed by 3 police officers. She has claimed she is going to try get my job taken away from me as it is a caring role. I never put him at harm. I have a message stating he wished to end his life because of work, his wife and family. And she knows this.
I know I didn't do anything wrong however she is threatening my livlihiood. I'm 12 weeks pregnant and I've not been able to enjoy this pregnancy.
I dont want to lose this baby.
But I don't want to be here.
The thoughts of ending it are much greater and continuously getting worse.
I just want everything to stop. I've spoke to a mental health specialist who gave me a sick note. I've self referred to a brilliant service. It's a 8 week wait
I feel like if I just wasn't here anymore it's all going to be better.

Kada33, good for you for seeking help. I'm sorry you have to wait.

Sorry I posted info for getting help in the US, then noticed you are in Scotland. I hope this is helpful to you

Help for suicidal thoughts - NHS
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Thank you, I appreciate that. I have previously called the samaratins who were very helpful at the time. I seem to have good days and bad days. Yesterday was one of the worst

Sorry that yesterday was a bad day. You are right that there are good days and bad. A dear, dear friend committed suicide about the same time as your brother. Some days are okay. Then I see or hear something that brings it all back.

You are at increased risk of suicide now. Take good care of yourself. Are there preemptive steps you can take to protect your job and livelihood? Are you on good terms with your superiors are the place of employment? Sometimes it is better not to wait for an adversary to take a negative action against you but to be upfront with the employer yourself, first, because this way, the employer will hear your side of the story first and you will have an opportunity to influence the employer's perception. I have a story to share and it is miniscule compared to what you are going through, but it is still relevant: more than two days ago, I was teaching test prep on the West Coast for a boutique company headquartered on the East Coast. I was teaching in a group setting, one teacher per about 10 students. One of them acted really weirdly in class towards me. I do not remember any details now and only remember her face and demeanor. I contacted the owner of the test prep company and he heard me first. He told me it was good I reported the incident to him right away and that he was prepared to handle her. When she started complaining to him, he handled it professionally but he was on my side. Outside of that I cident, before and after, I had earned stellar student evaluations, so the employer knew to trust me, but had I not been th first to tell him, he could have believed that I had been trying to hide something from him. By reporting to him right away, I showed that I had nothing to hide.

Or is your deceased brother's widow trying to take a negative action against you at the level of state licensing and not a specific employer's level? Do you know what she plans to do? Do you know what it in her power to do? Sometimes it helps to list all the things that can happen and realistically assess what these things can lead to. It might turn out that you are fearful for no good reason, or it might turn out that there is a good reason to be fearful and you need to take preemptive steps. But without taking an inventory of danger, there is no way to find out which is which.

I do not know what the laws are in Scotland, but in the US, a scary-soubding letter from an attorney (solicitor?) to your sister-in-law, if the going gets rough, about the consequences she might face if she tries to defame you, might be worth the small price to pay for a couple of hours of the lawyer's time.

Are you eating for yourself and your baby? Are you keeping yourself hydrated? Can you sleep in the face of both grief and anxiety? Do you have a support network IRL?