some days are worse than others

i can take a step back from my ocd and know that the intrusive thoughts are irrational but i can't help them from coming or stop me from obsessing over them and i know i just started my meds but they really need to hurry and kick in b/c i'm really thinking i'm losing my mind. my fiance and i live with his mom and stepdad and my fiances best friend and my newest thought is that i sleepwalk and sleep with one if not both of the other guys that live with us and as a result of that behavior i've contracted HIV i know its not true and that neither on of them even have HIV but yet i can't stop worrying about that and then doing my rituals to ease the worry. and them i've also had another obsession of if i didn't sleepwalk and have sex with our other roomates than i'm sure my fiances cheating on me and hes given me HIV again i know that thats not true deep down but i can't stop it. and i can't use the rubber band snapping technique b/c i'm in recovery from cutting and that could turn into another form of self mutilation for me. so baisiclly right now i feel like theres no way out.

yes, i hear it takes a few weeks for the meds to properly address the serotonin issues that are causing these things, and that you end up feeling worse before you feel better, but hang in there hon ... it WILL kick in, and you WILL start to feel better, and if it doesn't kick in by week 3 or whenever your pdoc told you it would, be sure to call and report in to him or her.

what you're describing sounds just like what my mate described about his -- he too was able to "know" the thoughts were irrational, etc. but he too could not stop them or stop himself from obsessing on them or acting on them. it's not your fault; it is something you can't control right now. just hang on till the meds have a chance to work. and keep on posting here if it helps ease the stress for you to just talk about it in a safe environment.