[itsjustme111]

Hello again. Not gone to long was I. Well this is what happened; I got to the hospital at 3:00 on wednesday. I talked a lot to my nurses and told them whats going on. We made a plan etc. My eating disorder t came in to try and plan of attack. She said she will teach them as best as she could how hard this disorder is and to stop making me feel guilty. So she did this on my chart. I still have not eaten but my t understands this and my reasons or fears of why. So this nurse that was on the last two days totally "pegged me" from the get go. Even my roomate made a comment that she will not let me get any rest. They all knew that I have been going off of 20hrs of sleep a week. But no, this nurse hounded me; literally. All I wanted is some time to rest before going full force into dealing with all of this. I was trying; very hard to talk and tell them how I feel and also told them that I know what I need. It was not good enough. My doctor put me on sleeping pills cause I needed the rest. But nobody took into consideration that I have been deprived of sleep and I so deperately need it.
Anyway, my pdoc came in this morning and totally freaked on me. Said I need to stop this bull ******. He was yelling and swearing at me. I told him I am trying very hard; I have been talking. I got both mornings early, had a shower, got dressed, made efforts to look half decent. This was not good enough for him. He continued to yell; I lost it. I yelled back and told him he was being inconsiderate. I said that I feel so guilty for killing my baby and I have been trying to talk about it; its one of my main issues right now. He continued to be a totally ******.
So I am home. I discharged myself. He did more harm than good. So I will deal with this from a home setting.
Talk to u all soon.
justy

[Rapunzel]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Justy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I'm sorry that didn't go well. Will you get a chance to rest at home? I hope you can, and that you get some sleep. Hospitals really are not so great at actually letting you rest, are they? Maybe with so many people trying to take care of you, each one doesn't realize how much the others are demanding of you, so it adds up to not letting you rest. You need to eat a little too, even if it is hard. Maybe you could start with the easiest thing you can think of. If the hospital is just pushing you too fast, maybe you could catch up on some sleep at home, and go back in a couple of days when you are more ready? There is just so little time that they have to work with you, and it does take a lot of time and effort to treat eating disorders, as well as depression too. Maybe they are trying to be efficient, because otherwise there is a greater chance of having to discharge you before you are ready, which can be worse than no treatment at all. It's a tough situation all around.

Thanks for the update. Take good care of yourself and get some rest.

Rap

<font color=orange>"If a light beckons to you, follow it. If it leads you into the quagmire, you'll probably find your way out of it again; but if you don't follow it, you'll be plagued for the rest of your life by the thought that perhaps it was your star." Friedrich Hebbet</font color=orange>

[gloria]

Oh My!
I've been thinking about you a lot, I am sorry it didn't go right, but I am so glad you're back.
Hey;
We are ready to help you. Talk to us, we might not be super profesionals in the field but we all care. We are here to listen more than to talk and tell you what to do.

So there, count on us.


gab

[dexter]

Was the pdoc your regular or one assigned by the hospital? If he is yours tell your T. Tell your T anyway.

I can see playing "devil's advocate" in order to push someone a little but shouting is not appropriate and cursing is never appropriate.

Did they start you on different meds or anything? Make sure you talk to your T about this... get some rest first. Find another "plan of attack" for treatment. This hospital isn't the only course of action. If your best option is to deal with this at home, that's ok, as long as you deal with it. Just keep your T posted and work with him and his advice.

There are lots of crappy docs out there in all areas of medicine. It sounds like you ran into a real clinker. Don't worry about that. You trust your T.... and from what you have said he works very hard on your behalf and understands what you need. Whatever else you do, always keep this T as the "ringmaster" even if you are away from him temporarliy for any period.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[Leslie]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Justy)))))))))))))))))))))

I know what you mean about hopsital stays. Some hospitals are great and very helpful others aren't as good. I had a simular experience at a hospital, I changed doctors while being in the hospital that helped a whole lot.

E_mail me,
I am thinking of you,

Love,
Leslie

[itsjustme111]

Yes, I agree all of u. They have a policy here that while u are in h they will not allow u too switch doctors. This was my regular d. I dont think that by yelling and cursing was helpful. He even said that I am suffering from sleep deprivation; so why the hell could I not get sleep without them bugging me constantly. My t also said that she has seen the problem of the lack of understanding and education dealing with some of my issues. Thats why she said she will try to relay this message in my chart. I will come up with a new plan here. I am on my way to my family doctor; see what kind of counseling I can get into.
And yes, this pdoc put me on welbutrin and trazadone.

justy

[Fuzzybear]

I just have to send some grrrrrrs to that doctor

((((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))) to you ((((((((((((((((((((justy)))))))))))))))))))) !!!!

Take care,
Fuzzy

[itsjustme111]

Thanks all; made me laugh Fuzzy.
I just got home from my family doctors office. Was he ever a sweetie. He said, "forget those who treat u this way, I will work with u and get u into the counseling u need. He gave me 1. temazepam. 2. prozak 3. biaxin.
temazepam for sleeping aid (only for no more than 2 weeks);
prozak for depression and eating disorder; he said he was worried about the weight loss and did not realize the extent of this. He said we need to get this one under control or I wont get better. I have not eaten in a week; (having a few crackers now with the antibotic);
the biaxin is for a throat infection. I knew my throat was killing me for a reason. He said its from the purging.
So this is where we are at. I will make some calls on Monday to my t. I will go see my doc for ideas for counseling. He wants me to keep him informed on the sleep and eating on a weekly basis. So this is my plan. I think its good.
justy

[inkblot]

I am sorry to hear it went so badly! It sounds like that would have made me do the same thing. It's a time when you need so much support. And when I go without sleep, I get even more emotional, so I understand that you need to rest first. It takes me a few days to "catch up" after going a night without any sleep. I'll be thinking of you.... {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{itsjustme}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[itsjustme111]

hehe. Thanks Ink; funny when I read this. I have been going for a least 2 months with almost no sleep. Total insomnia. I dont think that I did the wrong thing by leaving; actually I feel that I stood up for myself and spoke my mind for a change. Thats what my family doctor said; kind of funny but he said that I have not had a voice for so long and he is proud of me for standing up for myself and what I believe in. I felt so much better after speaking with him and he kept telling me that he will never let me down. He truly feels that we can work through this and he will do whats needed to help get me there. So I feel not to bad right now. hehe.

justy

[jagster]

Hi there, Im sorry things didnt work out well for you. Sleep deprivation is a wicked thing to deal with and hospitals are a bad place to try and get rest. Im on trazedone and it works very well for me. I hope it works for you too.

Take care, and get some rest.
Jag

[itsjustme111]

Actually I am not on trazedone anymore; that was just in the h. My family doctor gave me temazepam. Or is the same thing maybe? The pharmacy gave me the generic. I know that there are two names for meds; the generic and the brand name.
Anyhow, thanks for writing all of u; its so nice to have u.

justy

[dexter]

You are doing extremely well with this. The trick of life is to find the balance. In your case, you could have gone one extreme: submitted to the doctor and stayed there being miserable... in the long run the stay may have helped you or may not have, but in either case would not have been optimum) or you could have gone the other way: come home anxious from the experience saying "well I tried it, it didn't work, so I'm not going to try anything anymore.

The solution lies somewhere in the middle, not just anywhere in the middle but there is some really good place in the middle where everything will work best, and it really feels like you are actively seeking and finding that right balance for yourself. (In some ways, the "actively seeking" is more important than where you actually end up, because there is always room for adjustment once you get there.... and you seem to be "hip" to that.)

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--http://www.idexter.com

[jagster]

Hi Justy, i dont know if what you are taking is expensive, but i just wanted you to know that trazedone is dirt cheap. Its only 12 bucks for a months supply. Worth switching to if what youve got is costly.

Just thought you might like to know.

Take care, Jag

[itsjustme111]

Hey Jagster, actually I am fully covered for medical. I dont pay anything for most meds. I am reacting badly to the prozak. I tired to phone my doc but his is not in today. I phoned the pharmacy and he gave me a couple of suggestions.
Dexter; why do u always make so much sense? lol. Yes, I agree with u. I think it took a while for the realization that this court battle is finally over. I have been on my guard for two years and now I can actually relax. I feel my mood has gotten better and I feel good about my decision regarding the hospital. Like my family doc said; I stood up for myself and I need to be proud of that.
I can smile more now; although the eating issues are definetly causing difficulties. This one I truly fear. This is going to be so hard to face and deal with. But time is what I need and I have I guess this glimmer of hope back in my heart. I am excited to be a full time mom again and this will make me strong to fight this!!!! The continued support here is helping more than I can explain. I can be honest here and not worry about judgement and I know that I am cared for here. U are all wonderful!!!

justy

[dexter]

If the pharmacists suggestions don't work call the doc's office again. He's got to have someone covering for him. This should be an easy one for whoever is covering... depending on the reaction he may say to stop taking it, that it is ok to wait for your doc, or switch to something else. All's he's got to do is make sure you are safe and comfortable until your doc is back to take over, that's what the covering doc is there for.

One of the main reasons to be in the hospital is so they can stabilize you on a med before releasing you. As long as you stay in touch with the doc. You can decide how "bad" the reaction is and how urgent it is to call, but don't be reluctant to call if you need to. Stay in touch with them and you won't be missing on that aspect of the hospital care. It was good to call the pharmacy too... they are qualified for that kind of question, hopefully one of their suggestions will work. If it was something serious they would have told you to contact the doctor, so there isn't too much reason for worry I think, other than your personal comfort.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[itsjustme111]

Dexter; the doctor that was in the office today, well he is nice and all, its just I am not comfortable talking to someone that I dont know that well. I seen him once before and his "bed side manner" is not the greatest. Actually the pharmacist asked if I had called my doc. I told him that he is not in till Monday. He was reluctant at first but I said I am not sure what to do. I have been with this pharmacy since I have lived here and they are pretty good there. He said to try this tomorrow but I do need to go see my doctor on Monday; the pharmacist knows about my illnesses; maybe he was unsure because of that???

justy

[dexter]

My guess is that if the pharmacist thought there was any danger to your health because of the reaction, he would have urged you to call the doc.

If you do end up thinking you should call, don't worry about the substitute doc... you're not going to get a diagnosis from him, just tell him "hey, my regular doc started me on Prosac but I am having a bad reaction, should I stop taking it or just keep going until he gets back?" of course tell him a bit more then that... but you don't have to spill your guts to him or anything, just tell him about the reaction. Any other info he should get from your chart that your doc left behind for him. Hopefully it won't be a long conversation.

If you don't think there's anything dangerous about the reaction you are having, and you can deal with whatever discomfort it is causing until Monday, then it should be OK to wait. By now it's only another day anyway. . Don't hesitate if it is causing you concern though.

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--http://www.idexter.com