[Greenleaves]

I"m saddened and ashamed tonight.

Recently I put up a profile on this dating site. I've been chatting with this really nice man. He is very intelligent, and generous. He has offered to tutor me in organic chemistry for free. He has a degree in biochemistry.

I told my Mom I met a really nice guy and I just mentioned that he was black. Then my Mom told me I would absolutely not date a black man. She said black people are lazy, uneducated, and poor. She said she didn't want ugly black grandchildren.

I was horrified. Although, deep down I knew there was racism against blacks in the Chinese culture. Chinese people are always saying how it's better to be paler skinned, that you are prettier the whiter you are.

I'm going to continue chatting with this man. Hopefully one day my Mom will realize that black people are not inferior, but even if she doesn't I will still chat with him. I will see where it takes.

that was terrible of your mother to say.
i think it is great that you arent letting her comments get to you..

[Greenleaves]

I've just Googled this and apparently racism is rampant in China. Anti-black racism.

If a Chinese marries a white person, that is apparently a step up in status. If however, the Chinese person marries a black person, that is a step down.

That explains why my Mom is OK with my sister's white boyfriend.

This is sad. So very very sad. I'm ashamed.

thats stupid.
i never understand why people think skin color changes a person

[Greenleaves]

I don't understand it either Court Knee. I'm just glad I didn't turn out racist.

yeah thats alwasy good

[(JD)]

I'm saddened to hear what your mom said. But more importantly, are you endangering yourself by chatting with a strange man whom you plan to meet IRL eventually? Please do be careful. Don't give out too much info, ok?

[Greenleaves]

Hmmm...I don't know Sky_. I'm pretty trusting. Perhaps I should chat with him a long long time and not meet.

We got into the conversation of sex (it always seem to lead to there with men) and he mentioned that it's important to him. I told him I wasn't going to have sex with someone unless I knew we were going to be life partners.

I'm also just not a very sexual person. I think I'm asexual.

I just found a dating site for asexuals. I responded to 3 ads. I hope I find Mr. Right!

[Lyric]

Whoa. It's been interesting for me...

xD Make that two asexuals..I'm starting to dislike the males in general.
I had that issue once with long-distance dating. Used to have a boyfriend who had had sex before, and I ended up sexually attracted to him,too. It was a very stupid move for me; he ended up moving on quickly and I ended up having to cope. I thought I did find my soul mate. The good news is that I didn't actually have sex with him.

I only recently got over him (I was SO in denial) and tried dating again, which led to frequent rejection (funny, the guys didn't seem so distant when I was taken..) which led to me giving up on relationships in general. Not until I find a guy who isn't afraid to commit.

Oh, about my last ex...he was White. His sister would call me the n-word on the sly when he was talking to me, and his mom acted funny when I wasn't talking to her.

It hurt me when we broke up because I thought we'd last longer than that. It cut me so deep that I started questioning my sexuality, withdrawing, and losing weight. But now that I'm over it, I'm fine. I just don't trust men much anymore. But back on the topic *sweat*

Sometimes I do feel like I have to prove myself more when around a lot of Whites, because you do get discriminated against a lot. My friend (also African-American)heard a conversation in a store:

A senior was getting a great scholarship to a high-ranked college. A White woman asked, "Oh, are you going for a basketball scholarship?" She didn't even think that he was smart enough to get one for academia.

I don't get as heavy discrimination because I'm very light. But my mom points out how her boss (also White) happens to give raises more often to White employees. She's darker than me, respectively.

As far as my country (America)'s standards are..
The ideal woman is extremely skinny, White, and has Blond hair and Blue eyes. Then comes White brunettes and redheads, and then Hispanic and Asian women, and THEN African-American women. If we're even on the list..

Seriously,on a TV show they asked a group of men with their own preferences different questions. They had different races of women, all beautiful, for their decision-making. When they were asked what women they'd like to marry, only one man picked the African-American woman. There was nothing wrong with her and I bet you if she was another nationality she would have a wider amount of men having chosen her!

It's become "unfashionable" to be our race here. You barely see our race in fashion magazines anymore, and you're treated quite literally like the Black Sheep in America.

[splitimage]

Racism is always ugly, and I would hate to be on the recieving end of it. It just saddens me that it's still something that we're dealing with in this day and age.

--splitimage

[nowheretorun]

in my very humble opinion, discussions about racism are rife with quibling and pibbling in most instances...

why should any one person feel superior to any other imho?

im sorry if this doesnt address the main topic of racism raised here, its just my genral over all opinion....

so much energy and nothing seems to get better....

imo, all we have to do to get along, is try to get along with each other : ) , right? or am i wrong here?

it shouldnt be this hard when there are so many caring ppl about..... right?

i just feel thers already been too much pain in our history over all this......

thanks for hearing me...

As being a person who tans very well. It amazes me how ppl can treat you differently cause of color...............I am the same person no matter what. The commentsto me were just silly imo

[AAAAA]

((((((Greenleaves)))))) I’m sorry that your mother said such a horrible thing. That level of stupidity always amazes me. I’m very glad that you’re able to select your friends based upon personality rather than race.

Sky was very correct, you’ll want to tread lightly here. I don’t know how old you are, but I wouldn’t trust anyone that I’ve “met” on the web. He might be a perfectly wonderful individual, but don’t let him know any personal information at this point. If you ever do decide to meet him in person bring a friend and meet at a very public place. If he’s a decent person he’ll understand your caution.

[KathyM]

Greenleaves - I'm glad you're not racist either. It's a shame your mom doesn't realize skin color has nothing to do with character. Ted Bundy was an attractive white man, but he was also a serial killer.

I agree with the others about using caution when talking to men on the internet, especially those who want to talk about sex. If you meet in person, absolutely bring a friend (preferably one trained in martial arts, lol) and make it a public place.

NWTR - I agree we should all get along, but for some people it's difficult because they've bought into stereotypes. We can't truly embrace each other if all we see is an image of each other.

[nowheretorun]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
NWTR - I agree we should all get along, but for some people it's difficult because they've bought into stereotypes. We can't truly embrace each other if all we see is an image of each other.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

couldnt agree with you more..... everything needs a beginning.....

[wisewoman]

Hi Greensleaves, I never knew you were asian. I think that's pretty cool. I do agree your mom is not cool and her statement was hurtful. I also agree re:safety issues.

Now, I want to ask you to just think about something for me. I do not excuse your mother's words. However, if your culture is about meeting like or a little different people for marriage and you find yourself with someone very different it is a cultural thing. I do not think racism is okay. I am wondering out loud about cultural expectations since I married someone from a very different culture and regret that I didn't understand more about how hard that was for my spouses parents. They had cultural expectations about carrying on the culture. Our relationship had to be mourned before it could be accepted. My MIL is wonderful and I adore her now but those first few years were hard. It was about cultural values and norms. I hope I am making sense. Just wondering where your mom's head is at about her racism.

[DocClyde]

(((Green)))

Sadly, there is racism everywhere...do what your heart desires, but as Sky said, be careful of meeting ppl in real life on the net...

Other than worrying about being killed HAVE FUN!

[confusedlittlegirl]

I started dating an african American boy and my whole family is pissed. They were friends with him and knew him very well but once they found out i was going out with him they freaked.

[nowheretorun]

imho that is very sad littlegirl ... i dont know much about it, but if it is a good love i think it should exist..... like muffy and others have said.... color is an illusion......

: its a illusion forsure when you can be white and tan and be darn dark and ppl treat you as different when its still you...color of any kind should not matter its the inside

If I am faded , I am me...if i am tan i am me
no matter what I am me

[(JD)]

I think there is a big difference between racism and marrying someone outside of your race. There are arguments on all sides. Community is a big issue, as is belief systems.

No one should marry someone so outside their own belief systems that they can't be congruent, imo.

<font color="purple">Yeah, I remember back in middle school, one of my best friends ever just came here because she was in foster care, and some punk kinds at school wrote the "n" word on her locker. I wanted to hunt down those kids and beat them up when she told me about it...I can't stand racism.

Our whole area is white, with the exception of some ghettos in the larger cities, some of my realatives are a little bit on the racist side...I've learned to live with it.

There is no need to be ashamed. You are not your mother, and you are not the mindset that causes chinese to be racist. Just like how I'm not my father, or some member in the KKK. </font>

[nowheretorun]

was it Neitche? not sure, maybe someone else knows.... " when fighting for righteousness men must be careful to not become that which he hates....."

[okiedokie]

Racism is ugly.

I think one of the neatest things about PC is that in the written word, we really are color-blind. It matters not what the color of our skin is. We all bleed red.

My kids are half Cherokee. Ever since they were born I've been answering the question "They are so beautiful. What are they?"

My answer? Kids.

Okie

[wisewoman]

Good point muffy. You are inside despite your shell.