[Fuzzybear]

I saw this question on another board, and I'd be interested to see what y'all think and feel...
The question is
*Is love a choice?*

Take care,
Fuzzy

[nothemama8]

What you do with it is the choice, I think.

[krzyk101]

Hi Fuzzy,

Wow that question really has me thinking. Seems the longer I think of an answer for me, the more my mind goes and goes.

I would say for me it would be difficult to have a yes or no on any level of love in my life. I feel that there are different types of love. Like the love of a family member, or love of a pet and the romatic type of love. So I guess the answer for me would have to be that for the most part I feel love to be a natural thing. Though there is a member of my family who has been around for 17 years, and as much as I would really feel I love him, I honestly can not command myself to love him. (I have tried to do so)

I have had romantic feelings of love that I could not command to leave, so I guess to me it is not really a choice.

[wisewoman]

Love is absolutely a choice we can make in our hearts in regards to romantic love to love thy neighbor.

[Peanut61]

((((((((((((Fuzz, Fuzz, Cute Fuzzybear)))))))))))))...

I think love in all of its wonderful forms IS a choice, but, unfortunately, I don't think 'chemistry' is (if it's not there initially or once it's gone). Fortunately, there are many more kinds of love than that (often) short-lived, 'in-love' feeling. At least that's been my experience. Good question!

[SeptemberMorn]

I think that for the most part, love is a choice, especially with romantic love. When you decide to marry someone, then you are making the choice of loving them the rest of your life. It doesn't just happen, you have to work at it.

There have been people in my life, men and women alike, that I didn't like at first. Later, upon recognizing why I didn't like them, I decided that it wasn't so bad, or it was a trait that I have, and I could live with those things and I made up my mind to love them. There Are exceptions to every rule, though.

[SeptemberMorn]

Yup! Chemistry is either there or it's not. Don't you agree that many times chemistry is confused with love, though? When the chemistry dies we think that love died, but it wasn't love at all to begin with. Love isn't just a feeling. There has to be Action behind it... and commitment.

Oh, Hell!! This opened up a can of worms for me.

[bptoo]

I don't think you have a choice about being in love. Especially if it's that "hit you like a rock, knock your socks off" kind of love. Now whether you act on it or not, that's where the choice lies.

Greg

[mj14]

I guess the issue is whether you mean feeling love or demonstrating love. For me, I have no choice in how I feel about someone. Love, affection, indifference, dislike...I don't get to pick what emotion I feel toward another person.

Now I do have some choice about how I act toward another person. I can show love to someone that I might not particularly care for, or choose not to show feelings of love toward someone when it might be inappropriate. But even in this, I think that I am not completely able to choose what emotions I demonstrate. If my feelings toward someone are strong, they always leak out. So if I am madly in love with someone, or if I strongly dislike someone, eventually it is going to show. This can be a big problem in cases where I have to get along with someone I dislike, such as with my former boss. There was no way for me to convince him that I liked him, because I can't hide my feelings very well. Fortunately, I almost never really dislike someone.

I do think some people have more choice over how they show their feelings, but this is how it is for me.

Jo

[LadyDragus]

This one really has me thinking.. I will answer the way I think my heart would want me to. I wear my love on my sleave. I share my heart with others very eaisly.
I have tried not too. But "I fall in love" not so easy. I love people in many differnt "levels" and some do not understand this. I can say I love you my darling fuzzy, and mean it,cause you are a very very dear freind to me.

We have shard our ups and down over the past year, but never seen each other face to face.
My offline freinds and I share a differnt type of love, cause we can hold each other, and hug dialy if needed or they are just a phone call away for me..

So yes Love is a choice we all make to either let it in to our lives or not.

Very good question Fuzzy....

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{Greg}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I think what you're talking about is "lust."

[bptoo]

(((((((((((((((Tomi)))))))))))))))

No sweetie, I'm talking about love. There's a big difference between love and lust. I've been in both before, and they're definitely horses of a different color

Greg

[seeking]

Is love a choice?? I'd say yes & no. It is a contradiction.

I have no choice but to love certain people in my life, it comes natural, it is not an option. Regardless of their actions, I will still love them. My mother, my child.

I have a choice in loving others such as sisters, brothers. Their actions towards me determine my love for them. Strange but true. Some I have a conditional love for, others I just love unconditionally. Some I chose not to love at all.

I used to think that one would automatically love your blood family but it is not so. I think liking the person is strongly linked to loving the person.

Unconditional love - I have only for my child. In my opinion all other kinds of love is conditional and therefor by choice.

[angel04]

Yes, in my opinion, love is definitely a choice. If you are in a relationship, it's a choice you make every day. If you are not, it's a choice you have the potential to make every day.

[Rapunzel]

Fuzzy, you ask the best questions! This is a complicated one. Before I can try to answer it, I have to consider that there are different kinds of love - love for a friend, romantic love, love for a child, love for all manking. Tomi said that there needs to be action behind it. That is an excellent point. It has been said that love is not a noun, but a verb. As the song says, "It isn't something that we have - it's something that we do."

Well, I believe that you do have a choice about what you do. So to love or not must be a choice. There are people who make a choice to completely close themselves off to loving anyone. That is obviously a choice. You can also choose to be open to love. In the scriptures we are commanded to love our neighbor. There would be no point in commanding anyone to do something if it was not something that is a choice.

However, there are other factors to consider. Some people are easier to love than others. Also, love (particularly romantic love) is a two-way proposition. You can choose to love someone, but whether or not they love you is their choice, not yours. Also whether or not they accept your love. It gets really frustrating when they don't. What do you do? Keep loving them anyway, or decide to stop loving them? Or change the type of love you have for them? It probably depends on the situation and who it is. Your child, a neighbor, a romantic interest...

On the other hand, love is also a noun. Feelings are both verbs and nouns. It is much harder to choose your feelings than it is to choose whether you go for a walk or sit down at the computer. Feelings may be present or not present or present to a certain degree. If you try to change your feelings, are you being true to your real self?

One difference between love and chemistry is that chemistry is definitely a noun, and is either there or not there. Chemistry can be complicated and beyond our comprehension, particularly the kind of chemistry that relates to love.

I do feel that love is a choice, to an extent anyway, but it just isn't so cut and dry, is it? I hope you don't mind me answering your question with more questions.

Keep them coming!
Wendy

[PlanningtoLive]

Yes, I believe it is a choice. Only you can decide whom it will be that you give your love to, in any fashion.

[dexter]

I've been reading this and it is a very deep question for me. I've been following for a few days not knowing what to post.

After considering a lot of the stuff said here, might it be fair to suggest that we don't have control over who we fall in love with, but we do choose who we share our love with?

[SeptemberMorn]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
might it be fair to suggest that we don't have control over who we fall in love with, but we do choose who we share our love with

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Amen to that... if we're smart enough in our choices, i.e., put a little bit of brain into the equation. So often, we are rulled by our emotions alone.

[dexter]

>>if we're smart enough in our choices, i.e., put a little bit of brain into the equation.

That's what I was poking at On the flipside if you are too careful you could miss out. I think you have to be prepared to be hurt a little bit and take some risk in order to find happiness. Maybe it isn't even living if there isn't some risk-taking involved in finding love.

I've always been a very trusting person and it has often hurt me but I've always been aware that that is the risk and have been willing to take that risk. This mostly in regard to friendships and that kind of trust and love.

But I've only recently realized that with regard to romantic love I am exactly the opposite, I don't trust myself enough to put myself out there and that has really hurt me. That's was I've been trying to work on by going out dancing on the weekends. I'm not looking to find someone there, I'm just making an effort to not keep myself shut away from possibilities.