I love my mental illness because...

I struggled for a long time attempting to separate "the non-ill me" from the "ill me." Then I realized there is only one me with all the different components that make up my personality.

If I could go back and do it all over, I would not take away my illness(es). Sure, I could do without the long months of debilitating depression, but here's what I love:

I have gotten to experience thoughts and emotions in a way that others have not.

My moods and impulsiveness, although obviously troublesome at times also contribute to me being a fun, energetic, yet low key, unique, funny, entertaining, and highly creatively person.

I could never do what I am doing (going to school to become a psychologist) have the understanding and passion for the field and for helping others, if I did not go through my own experiences.

I appreciate life, at times, with the wonder of a child. Because I lost a few years of my life (ages 17-21) to severe panic attacks and agorophobia, and have lost a considerable amount of time to depression, I tend to laugh harder, look at things with a better appreciation for their beauty, allow music to touch me deeper, take less things for granted.

My creativity is fueled by the emotional experiences that result from my illness. My art and poetry would not be the same otherwise.

I think it would be great of others could complete "I love my mental illness because..." C'mon it's good for you!

I hate my mental illness. I really do.

But you're right, there have been side benefits so here are the positives that I've gotten out of it...

- A lot of really odd/wild/unhealthy/crazy stories. I draw from my own history a lot when I write. I'm glad I've had such a, umm, "colorful" history.

- I'm a truly independent thinker. I have an objectivity that, it seems, is hard for people to attain without living in the margins for a long time.

- I'm weird. Strange thing to list as a benefit but hey, it's true, I'm a weird guy. Over the years, I've found I enjoy being eccentric and now I wouldn't let anyone take that away from me.

- I have few hangups. I'm really not uptight about anything.

- I understand other people's pain and experience with intuitive ease. I'm also the person everyone seems to want to talk to about their problems. I like that.

I dunno. There's probably more. And since I'll never know what my life would have been like without mental illness, I guess I should enjoy the side benefits.

Cyran0

it allows me to "see" the good in others first.... and the negatives hardly at all

it has allowed me to meet some of the most unique, talented people in the world, because I am not afraid of their "hangups" so will approach them, when others without a mental illness would be "afraid" because they do not understand

it allows me to feel the extremes in life - extreme fun joy, wonder and love - and that is "worth" the flip side...

it allows me to "experience" life as a child at times.. because with DID.. sometimes.. I am...

it allows me to enjoy many different hobbies, styles of clothes... and tastes.. again due to alters....

it allows me to really relate to my 23 year old son, as.. well his age group... allowing for a greater understanding of him.. again alters..

with alters, I am never alone...

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Cyran0 said:

- I'm weird. Strange thing to list as a benefit but hey, it's true, I'm a weird guy. Over the years, I've found I enjoy being eccentric and now I wouldn't let anyone take that away from me.

Cyran0

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Yes, exactly! That totally applies to me, except for the "guy" part, lol.

I do believe that all parts of our life are meant for a reason.....so that we can have a much deeper understanding & acceptance of not only ourselves, but of others.

So that we can see the beauty in things where others only see darkness, so that we appreciate the simple things that others only take for granted.

The heartache & pain is there too, but that only gives us the ability to truely contrast the differences & appreciate the good when we have it.

Debbie

It and addiction forced me off a workaholic career path and forced me to see just how unhealthy my life was. In a way it's given me a chance to start over and lead a more balanced life. It's made me a more compassionate and open person. It's forced me to rethink what my priorities in life are, and I think right now I have a healthier set than I've had in a while.

It's weird though. I just started a new job & I really want to do well at it. But the people at the new company know nothing about my mental health history or my addiction history - they just think I'm "normal". They know I have some kind of medical problem becasue I take Mon. afternoon's off for treatment, but they don't know what it's for and legally they can't ask. At my old job, they did know my history, before they fired me, and yes I was treated differently. Now I have a chance to start over with a clean slate.

--splitimage

<font color="purple">I'm not sure why I love all my oddities, but I really do. </font>

i have problems with the theme of this post. I will be the first to admit that enduring any form of suffering like mental illness can make you a more compassionate person, a person more willing to overlook the flaws in others and more empathetic to them.
But I think that this thread isn't about that. When I was in day hospital years ago, I met many bipolar disorder patients who were not compliant with specific regard to taking their medicines. These persons didn't want stability in their lives because they were addicted to their manic highs when they happened. That's why I believe this is a ghetto-ized viewpoint about liking mental illness.
These days I am pretty well. But I pay a high price for my similitude to wellness-- I take a lot of meds and suffer side-effects that will change my weight, my ability to desire women and my life expectancy. I also sleep alot which makes normal work harder to do with a shortened day. I would give up this illness in a New York minute. And if you care about yourself, you would too.
Please don't confuse what is good about yourself with the results of being ill. It is an illness, not some divine-given transformative experience. If you feel you have the capacity to do great things then commit yourself to a plan and try to do them without regard to your diagnosis. It's a pity bi-polars might use their illness as a world-filter.
That's just my two-cents. If this were a greek tragedy I'd get killed right now as the bearer of bad news. Ah, well, I hope I don't lose too many friends over this.
pi

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314159pi said:
And if you care about yourself, you would too.

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I understand your opinion on this subject, but it is unfair of you to make that judgement for me.

I don't confuse the illness with a divine given experience. The illness is an illness, but it also part of who I am forever.

I thought this thread would be a good one because we don't often stop to think about the positive ways in which we can be affected by these things that we most often find ourselves suffering from.

I care about myself. And I still wouldn't give anything up.

My illness has made me what I am today...I couldn't imagine being one of those conforming drones out there...I pretty much resist conformity because I think those drones out there are the ones who hurt me...and I wanna be different--better--than them.

I can't say that I'd be as compassionate, caring, loving, or as understanding if I hadn't been afflicted by this illness or my past circumstances...

i dunno.... DID is still being debated; is it mental illness or a creative way of coping to a lot of sh**?
So, for now I'm in denial.
I will admit to creativity, and having a unique perspective on life (when I am positive enough to use it). Many ppl tell me that they get irritated with my child-like self, even though that is what drew them to me and what they admire about me.
But it also almost makes me ill that they like that about me because that was what was taken advantage of that got me stuck as a kid. Those parts may or may not ever age.
so it's a mixed bag. At times i really enjoy being a kid and forget i'm in my 30's ... and stay up all night to read harry potter.
dunno - like i said; denial.

pi, I didn't take this thread as pink, or anyone else, saying they truly like being sick. I took it to mean, "yes it sucks but what's the upside?"

A lighting grip I worked with broke his leg. He couldn't work as being a grip is a very physical job. Sure, he would prefer to have not broken his leg but when I saw him he just smiled and said he'd really caught up on his video games.

Cyran0

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314159pi said:
i have problems with the theme of this post. I will be the first to admit that enduring any form of suffering like mental illness can make you a more compassionate person, a person more willing to overlook the flaws in others and more empathetic to them.
But I think that this thread isn't about that. When I was in day hospital years ago, I met many bipolar disorder patients who were not compliant with specific regard to taking their medicines. These persons didn't want stability in their lives because they were addicted to their manic highs when they happened. That's why I believe this is a ghetto-ized viewpoint about liking mental illness.
These days I am pretty well. But I pay a high price for my similitude to wellness-- I take a lot of meds and suffer side-effects that will change my weight, my ability to desire women and my life expectancy. I also sleep alot which makes normal work harder to do with a shortened day. I would give up this illness in a New York minute. And if you care about yourself, you would too.
Please don't confuse what is good about yourself with the results of being ill. It is an illness, not some divine-given transformative experience. If you feel you have the capacity to do great things then commit yourself to a plan and try to do them without regard to your diagnosis. It's a pity bi-polars might use their illness as a world-filter.
That's just my two-cents. If this were a greek tragedy I'd get killed right now as the bearer of bad news. Ah, well, I hope I don't lose too many friends over this.
pi

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I have to agree. I will say this though: What I am grateful for today is what I am able to do from my experience in a positive way. To say that I am grateful for my illness is like saying I am grateful for hardships in my life....not so much the hardship, but what I do with it after. I am a veteran and am a better person for it, but I am not grateful for the things that I did or had to go through.

I too would give up my illness in a heartbeat. Along with the many, many emotional and physical scars, ruined relationships, people I have hurt including myself.

because it helps me truly understand the children I teach. I don't see just behavior, I am able to look beyond behavior and truly see a person inside. My greatest strength as a teacher is to be able to understand these kids and help them understand themselves in a way in which most people can't. I always hope that I have truly changed the lives of as many as I could possibly change in spite of other adversarial conditions.

I hope to either "get better" or grow more comfortable with being who I am as painful as that can be sometimes. Nice post, Pink. It is a good way to reframe dealing with mental illness Reframing things can be so powerful at times

i am beginning to understand what you all are writing about, the grip making lemonade out of lemons etc. I am sorry that my previous post seems to put some people down. I was too judgemental. But I was coming from an honest place. in my case I had to fight suicide once for six months. I have a sometime adverserial relationship with my illness which is not extensible to others who have a different diagnosis. Please forgive me pink.
pi

I get to have my pup with me everywhere I go!

E.C.

Tell you what my mental illness has kept me on the outside and on the inside younger then I am.

Plus I found myself reaching out to those sicker then me with open arms .I go to a mental heath club house . Where most people in todays world have push them away turn there backs so they dont have to speak to them but mabey that dose not sound like much but a friendly smile or small talk can make somebody day is amazing so my mental illness has humble me .

I'm still not quite "well" enough to really be happy about my illness.

However, what I love about this journey is that I have learned so much about my illness and others, that I really can get a bit of understanding about other people and their issues. When I was younger, and my mom saw some news story about someone claiming an insanity defense...she always said it was a load of crap and that mental illness wasn't real and yadda-yadda-yadda...well, now I can see it first hand. I know it's real. I know how your mind can really take over. I feel a lot more compassion towards those who are in a worse state than me, and I have a lot more knowledge about the whole area of mental illness. (probalby because I bought the mini-version of the DSM-IV and started reading it once...lol)

I think those that can love their mental illness then really haven't suffered the extreme depths of "REAL" mental illness...those in the hospitals that just about put one foot in front of another, that wouldnt even be able to sit up to a pc let alone post about how wonderful their predictment is...I thnk we all here are pretty much high functioning..and would be well to spend time in thought for those that are not...well thats my take on it.

Wow Mouse, that came off as terribly dismissive and condescending. Because someone has reached a place in their life where they can look for a "glass half full" perspective on what they've been through, you presume to say that they haven't gone through a "REAL" mental illness?

Now, I agree, anyone currently suffering in the depths of their illness isn't going to have anything positive to say here, but I think this is a nice activity for those who are doing well. It's a way to cultivate a positive attitude about life.

Perhaps I misunderstood but I personally would never undermine the struggles of others just because they're not currently institutionalized.

And I am sorry if I've misunderstood your post.

Cyran0

Detest hate loathe my illness. Only one person I would wish this on is my abuser other than that I have nothing to say.

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Cyran0 said:
Wow Mouse, that came off as terribly dismissive and condescending. Because someone has reached a place in their life where they can look for a "glass half full" perspective on what they've been through, you presume to say that they haven't gone through a "REAL" mental illness?

Now, I agree, anyone currently suffering in the depths of their illness isn't going to have anything positive to say here, but I think this is a nice activity for those who are doing well. It's a way to cultivate a positive attitude about life.

Perhaps I misunderstood but I personally would never undermine the struggles of others just because they're not currently institutionalized.

And I am sorry if I've misunderstood your post.

Cyran0

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YOu are entiltled to your opinion just as I am entitled to mine.....so in that respect you didn't misunderstand my post...I stated my feelings as I felt them....

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Mouse_ said:
I think those that can love their mental illness then really haven't suffered the extreme depths of "REAL" mental illness...those in the hospitals that just about put one foot in front of another, that wouldnt even be able to sit up to a pc let alone post about how wonderful their predictment is...I thnk we all here are pretty much high functioning..and would be well to spend time in thought for those that are not...well thats my take on it.

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I have spent the last year in thought of those individuals you are talking about, being in an intern therapist in an acute care psychiatric hospital. Most of the the types of individuals you speak of are not even aware that the have an illness-- so the best that I can do-- and that other therapists and professionals can do is help them to feel like people again-- and allow them to begin to appreciate and understand the unique qualities of themselves.

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Mouse_ said:
I think those that can love their mental illness then really haven't suffered the extreme depths of "REAL" mental illness...those in the hospitals that just about put one foot in front of another, that wouldnt even be able to sit up to a pc let alone post about how wonderful their predictment is...I thnk we all here are pretty much high functioning..and would be well to spend time in thought for those that are not...well thats my take on it.

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I think that would depend on the type(s) of MI one has.
I've been in that place when I couldn't put one foot in front of another. I've been into the black abyss. I've been lucky enough to make it out. Not every one does. I've also been to the pinnacle of utter joy.

So, me being bp1, I'd have to say that "I love my mental illness because" when I'm on the up side, hypomanic/manic, I (feel) I can accomplish almost anything!

...does that make sense?

I understand people more, and one thing I don't like is not being able to understand people, and not being able to say that I have felt the same way so they have some comfort and know they are not alone.