failing

my paper is due in 6 hours. this stupid thing is a research paper in pieces (one piece every week). last week i already failed the first piece. and we're talking grad school here. it's the only one so far since i've started that i don't know how i'm gonna pull the grade. part of the problem is i really get the feeling the inst. is full of **** and doesn't care if we all fail or not =( I think he expects us to fail (odd quality in a grad prof). but i can't get myself to care about something i'm going to fail at =(.
i have most of it changed, but as this one is the final draft of the last one and I don't know what I did wrong last time (and prof is out of town) i don't see how this will be any different.
i've wasted the whole dam day sitting here doing nothing. i just can't get myself to do it!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

You can do it Kiya, I have faith in you!!! They may seem only like words, but I mean them from my heart.

Dee

Kiya...oh, I sure can relate to your feelings. My grad school often felt like a time of torture. Try to do your best and stay positive. Hopefully the prof can give you some feedback when they get back in town. Remember, your self worth is not tied to a grade--a grade is just a grade.

(((((Kiya)))))

Yes it is!!! My self worth IS tied to the grades!!!! It is!! I'd failed all through school with the exception of 7th grade where i actually surprised everyone and made honor roll for the first and only time... and then my wanderings through seminary (a wiccan in seminary... don't ask) where again i did well -like a 3.63 or something. And now suddenly I've got nearly straight As and a GPA of 3.82 and I've GOT TO KEEP IT!!!! I've got to prove i'm not stupid. I've got to prove i'm worth something =( and if i fail (again and again and again....) they'll all be right about me.

Wow - ok breathing.... i didn't know all that was in me.
but seriously, because it is grad school i've got to make a B grade or i fail the class and it won't count... then my loans will default and... and... the world will end... and.....

((((((Kiya)))))))))

My self-worth can sometimes be attached to some things as well, so you're not alone in that (even if it isn't the best thing).

You are worth something. You won't fail. Have you finished this piece yet? You are not stupid... getting bad grades can be for a multitude of reasons, it doesn't mean you're stupid.

oh yeah ummm...

(((((((((dee, depressme, goth)))))))))))))

(((((((((((( Kiya ))))))))))))))))))))