I desparately need a happy thread. Only for funny stories, jokes, embarrassing moments, etc. Is anyone up for it? Absolutely NOTHING POLITICAL ALLOWED!! Got it? I'm begging here folks!!

We gotta cheer each other up!! (ok...starting with me)

Emmy

[inkblot]

I've got funding for and am registered for college! Class starts January, First Aid, 3 credits. They are short on funding this late, and it doesn't matter to me. I wanted to start out with just one or two classes due to my living situation and so I don't get too stressed. I'll take on a few more classes after that.

[SweetCrusader]

This is a preview of Saturday night's episode of MadTV. Alanis spoofs on Ashley Simpson, etc. Follow this link and scroll down about 1/4 of the page. You'll see a place to click for the video clip.

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/149...headlines=true

[SweetCrusader]

And special for my animal-loving auntie Emmy:

http://www.funnypostcard.com/funny/t...id=1&gid=7&p=3

I gotta go to class now, but I can't wait to see what everyone posts!!

Angela

Inky, that's great news! Is this through their supported education program? That's really excellent! Good for you and thanks for sharing! emmy

That Alanis flic was a riot! Although it did insist that I download a new version of microsoft something er other. I trusted MTV!!

And the doggy pictures truely made me laugh! Thanks honeybuns!

These are all the clean jokes I know. I received them from a good friend who is approx 80 years old.

Sunday morning humor...

A little boy was attending his first wedding.
After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an
answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said:
4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

º°'°º?o,,,,o?º°'°º?o?º°'°º?o,,,,o?º°'°º?o?º°'°º?>

After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly
announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I
grow up."
"That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?"
"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway,
and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and
listen."

?º°'°º?o,,,,o?º°'°º?o?º°'°º?o,,,,o?º°'°º?o?º°'°º?

A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church
service: "And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed
trash against us."

?º°'°º?o,,,,o?º°'°º?o?º°'°º?o,,,,o?º°'°º?o?º°'°º?

A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.
"How do you know what to say?" he asked.
"Why, God tells me."
"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"

?º°'°º?o,,,,o?º°'°º?o?º°'°º?o,,,,o?º°'°º?o?º°'°º?

A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged On and
on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered,
"Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"

?º°'°º?o,,,,o?º°'°º?o?º°'°º?o,,,,o?º°'°º?o?º°'°º?

After the christening of his baby brother in church,
little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His
father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in
a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!"

?º°'°º?o,,,,o?º°'°º?o?º°'°º?o,,,,o?º°'°º?o?º°'°º?

Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite
Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people
on an
airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. The
Flight to Egypt, was his reply.
Pointing at each figure, Ms. Terri said, "That must be Mary, Joseph,
and Baby Jesus. But who's the fourth person?"
"Oh, that's Pontius - the pilot.

?º°'°º?o,,,,o?º°'°º?o?º°'°º?o,,,,o?º°'°º?o?

The Sunday School Teacher
asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
"No sir," little Johnny replies, "I don't have to. My Mom is a good
cook."
?º°'°º?o,,,,o?º°'°º?o?º°'°º?o,,,,o?º°'°º?o?º°'°º?

A college drama group presented a play in which one character would
stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!"
A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would spring, and
the actor would drop from view.
The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill,
another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor
announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand
pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly
stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend.
One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled:
"Hallelujah! Hell is full!"

?º°'°º?o,,,,o?º°'°º?o?º°'°º?o,,,,o?º°'°º?o?

Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist
Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year old boy
told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About
halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, 'If you don't be
quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start
his sermon all over again!'
It worked."

?º°'°º?o,,,,o?º°'°º?o?º°'°º?o,,,,o?º°'°º?o?º°'°º?

This is the best one ... A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's
lap as he read her a bedtime story.
>From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book
and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her
own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed,
"God's getting better at it, isn't he?"

[(JD)]

The best I can do right now is the tests came back negative : not Lupus nor Leukemia. (nor any infectious disease they checked for)

[ktp]

great news sky!!!!!!

um....my shoulder is sore but not rotting off yet...how's that?

lol j/k.

I'll have to go think of something good to cheer you guys up!!!

(((((((((((((((EMMY)))))))))))))))))))))))))

hope that helps, even a wittwle bit!

[Larry_Hoover]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I desparately need a happy thread.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Are you having sewing problems, lassie? Are yer knickers in stitches, then?

£@®

[SweetCrusader]

Emmy,

I recently found out that, despite all my worry and stress over a particular VERY DIFFICULT class, I got the top score out of 70 students across the state!!!

I certainly think that's a happy thing!! Don't know if it cheers you up, but it does help me out

Angela

Of course that cheers me up!! It great news! And good to keep in mind the next time I notice you are getting down on yerself! Ha! I can use that as ammunition to refute your allegations!

emmy

Negative tests is good news, isn't it??? Although I guess that leaves you wondering. I do hope all turns out well for you Sky!! em

No rotting flesh! YeeeHAA!! That's always cause for celebration!!!! Thanks for sharing!!!! emmy

Um....my knickers are just fine Lar. Thanks for asking, though. Good of you to be concerned! Em

A blonde came home from work and discovered that her house had been trashed and several of her prized possessions were gone. She was utterly crushed. She called the police, weeping, and told them she had been robbed. Still crying, she went out and sat on her front steps to wait for the cops. A squad car pulled up and an officer got out with a german shepherd on a leash. The blonde stared and then exclaimed, "my God, my house was broken into, everything was taken and the cops send a blind cop".

[ktp]

LMAO....

There was a blond driving down the highway, she looked over and in the middle of a corn field is another blond in a boat rowing. This makes the blond driving the car really angry at the stupidity. So she gets out and starts yelling, "You dumb girl! It's idiots like you that gives blonds like me a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your @$$!"

Politically Correct Version for DocJohn

There was a psychologist driving down the highway, she looked over and in the middle of a corn field is another psychologist in a boat rowing. This makes the psychologist driving the car really angry at the stupidity. So she gets out and starts yelling, "You dumb girl! It's idiots like you that give psychologists like me a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your @$$!"

hahahahahahaha!!!!

[ktp]

ROFLMAO!!!!! That is the funniest thing I've heard all day long!
(((Emmy))) THANKS!

Still lmao...
Kimberly.